The Frugal Femulator

For those of us who are not full-time femulators, maintaining two wardrobes is expensive. But there are ways to cut corners and still femulate elegantly.

When JJ wrote about breast forms last week, it reminded me of my homemade breast forms. Following the recipe of a famous female impersonator (don’t ask me who; it was a long time ago and I don’t remember).

The recipe called for birdseed in a sock. I actually used dried green peas instead of birdseed, as follows:



1. Use birdseed/dried green peas to fill a thin sock (not a thick heavy sock) to the cup size you desire.



2. Tie off the sock as close as possible to the ball of birdseed/dried green peas.



3. Trim off any access sock and fold the remainder over the knot. Under a bra, the knots emulate nipples.

The birdseed breast form was so inexpensive that I made two pairs: a small pair when I just wanted perky breasts and a larger pair when I wanted my-eyes-are-up-here cleavage.

 I made my breast forms over 40 years ago and they are still good to go today. 

By the way, I am naturally well-endowed for a boy… a B- or C-cup depending on the bra. I made the breast forms to use when I wanted more than my natural cleavage.

While we are in the shapewear realm, I’ve never done it, but there are girls like us who fashion foam to make hip and derriere pads to enhance their figures. There are many how-to-do hip/derriere pads on the Internet, so search the net and find a tutorial that suits you.

Borrowing clothes from your wife, mother, sister or daughter is free, but usually frowned upon, so sashay yourself to a goodwill store or a consignment shop. At such establishments, I have had great success buying designer bags and dresses at a substantial savings over their original price.

Just like your boutique or department store, I never get any pushback when I want to try on something at these businesses, But advise you to play dumb and ask where the dressing room is located. When the salesperson directs you to the ladies’ dressing room, you are home free!

Shoes! I used to buy almost all my shoes at Payless. They had some nice styles in big girl sizes at very reasonable prices. Sadly, Payless closed all their brick and mortar stores, so I have been buying most of my shoes at Nine West. Their styles are nice too and they also have big girl sizes (size 12 maximum), but their prices are on the high side, so I wait for their sales and deals when I “need” a new pair of heels.

Sales and deals should be at the top of the list of all femulators. For example, last week during a Black Friday sale, I bought two new dresses that listed for $148 total, but only cost me $57 and included free shipping to boot!

And there are online coupons that can save you money. The coupons can be for free shipping or for a certain percentage off your purchase price. Finding coupons that work is hit out miss, so I signed up for Honey, which performs an automatic hands-off search for coupons when you are paying for your online purchases.

Purchasing makeup at a department store or at a makeup purveyor like Sephora or Ulta is  expensive. Often you can do just as well buying makeup at a drug store, Target, Walmart, etc. Experiment with different brands and you will likely find something inexpensive that works. Some products are better than others, but the savings can be considerable. And last time I checked, many makeup mavens still swear by Maybelline mascara in the pink tube, which you can buy anywhere for a sawbuck.

I always recommend purchasing expensive wigs because inexpensive look like wigs, whereas expensive wigs look more realistic. This is not malarkey – I’ve lost count of the times I received compliments about my latest hairdo only to surprise my admirer when I revealed I was wearing a wig. I guess you may find used wigs where you find used clothing, but I am a little finicky and would never wear a used wig just like I would never wear used shoes or used shapewear. 

Finally, an absolutely free option is to grow your hair out and style it in a feminine manner. 

And so it goes!

Wearing Bebe

Still Another Modern Couple