Saturday, April 30, 2016

Proud Daddy

Source: Polo
Wearing Polo.

Zach Villa
Zach Villa (right) in the 2015 US film Honeyglue.
(Thank you, Zoe, for the heads-up about this film.)

Friday, April 29, 2016

Jessica’s First Time

My experience is a bit scattered (as I imagine many stories are).

My absolute earliest memory of being intrigued by female attire (and why there was such a strict line between male and female clothing) was looking at my mom's heels in the closet when I was maybe 5 or 6 and looking at one blouse in particular. I think she mostly wore it during Halloween; it was a super shiny reflective silver top and I remember thinking how cool it looked reflecting so much light. All my shirts were dull fabric t-shirts.

Fast forward, oh maybe to age 14 or 15… My older brother had many girlfriends, and I remember trying on bras that were left behind; that didn't really thrill me much. Then this one time a girlfriend left behind an earring (couldn't wear it of course, just held it up to my ear and pretended) and a scrunchie (hair wasn't long, but I put it on my wrist as a bracelet which many girls at the time did when they let their hair down).

Then there was the holy grail of clothing, black nylons. I felt the fabric between my fingers. I wanted to try them on so badly, but I knew she was skinny and I was a somewhat plump kid. I didn't care, I had to know what they felt like. After putting them on I won't lie, I got excited. So much in fact that I "went" without even touching anything. I believe that ingrained my transgenderism, but more importantly my crossdreaming.

About a year later, my brother finally convinced my dad (parents divorced for a few years at this point) to let his girlfriend to move in. This was both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because I now had access to female clothing on a regular basis (a beautiful woman, in fact).

It was a curse because she too was smaller and I had to be very careful how I put things on. The worst sound in the world is stitching stretching until it makes that sound of cracking, which was the point where you take that article of clothing off, hang it back up and pray she doesn't notice. I remember a moment when she was arguing with my brother about how the washer and dryer was somehow ruining some of her clothes and stretching them out. I don't think I had felt more guilty up to that point in my life and to this day, I never confessed to it.

Of course, this only led to me wanting to acquire my own things. About age 17, I was entering local community college and had a part-time job while still living at home. I decided to acquire a PO box so things wouldn't be shipping directly to me at home. That way I could get female clothing catalogs like Lane Bryant and Fredericks of Hollywood delivered to a discreet mailbox and begin ordering clothing.

I could pick-up my order at the post office, walk into my room and hide them away. I had exciting moments in my life like anyone, nothing could possibly top placing an order for dresses and stockings, and then waiting the 5 to 7 days for those items to arrive. When it got closer to the time I thought it might arrive, I would stop by and check for a notice everyday (this was the days before tracking notifications to know when it was delivered).

I rented the smallest box I could get knowing if I had packages, they would store them in a bigger post office box for delivery. When my bag of clothes finally arrived, I rushed over to the box, opened it, grabbed the package and nervously put the key back in. I threw package on my front seat, not even opening it up to sneak a peek.

I arrived home, and my dad either wasn't home yet or he was sleeping on the couch like he often did since he worked third shift. I rushed into my bathroom, pulled that black dress out and excitedly tossed it over my head after I removed all my clothing. It was a cheap dress made mostly of nylon, but that shape hugging my body and giant flowing neckline in front was like nothing I had experienced before. It was probably on par with the first “oh.” It felt like a woman was wrapped around my whole body.

Since I had the typical bathroom with the giant mirror attached directly to the wall, I looked at myself and couldn't believe how just a dress could change my look so much. I remember getting weak-kneed and having to sit down on the toilet from excitement and just bending over with pleasure of how I finally got to enjoy this feeling for the first time in my life.

For years I collected all sorts of female clothing from bras, wigs, makeup, leggings, shoes, etc. I kept it all in a big cardboard box at the back of my closet buried under other miscellaneous boy things and my dad never found any of it.

To this day, neither of my parents know about my secret life. Only my wife knows my secret.

I invite all femulators to share their first crossdressing experience. Try to recall that moment the first time you tried on a woman’s garment and began the process of unveiling and exploring your feminine self. To entice you to share your first time story, I will give away a free copy of my e-book Fantasia Fair Diaries to all whose stories I use in Femulate.

Source: Polo
Wearing Polo.

Patrick Stewart
Actor Patrick Stewart

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Plan C

The dress I bought to wear to the Hamvention awards dinner was not compatible with any of the bras I own. The problem was that the straps of the dress did not cover the straps of my bra and the visible bra straps ruined the look of the dress.

Plan A was to wear the dress without a bra.

Plan B was to take the dress to my local lingerie shop and buy a bra that would work with the dress.

Then I came up with Plan C.

As you may or may not know, I am an Avon lady and while perusing the recent Avon catalog, I found something that might solve my problem: Body Illusions Seamless Smoothing Cami, which claims to smooth the midsection and back bulge and slim the entire waistline. It also had a roll-resistant hem and adjustable straps.

Its thin adjustable straps and $12.99 price tag sold me, so I ordered it on Sunday and it arrived yesterday.

Right after dinner, I tried it on. It looked too small out of the box, but stretched easily to fit and mold my full figure. That was all good and well, but would it work with the dress?

I slipped on the dress, zipped it up and examined the results in the mirror. After a slight adjustment to the cami straps, it was perfect!

I was so happy with the cami that I plan to buy another, as well as purchase a Body Illusions Bodysuit.

Source Intermix
Wearing Cushnie Et Ochs dress, Sophia Webster sandal and Edie Parker clutch.

Andrew Sotomayor
Celebrity makeup artist Andrew Sotomayor

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Renee Lynne’s First Time

My first time dressing came very early. In fact, I was only 4 and I remember it like it was yesterday.

My older brothers and sister were at school and my younger sister and I were at home with our mom. It was nap time and I didn't want to take a nap. Mom knew that my 1-year-old sister wouldn't take a nap if I didn't, so she quietly told me to just lay down long enough for her to fall asleep. Because of the layout of our house, this would work best if I went to my sisters' room and my sister went to the bedroom I shared with my brothers.

When I got into my sisters' bed, I found a dress that my older sister would wear when she played dress-up. It was yellow gingham with little blue flowers. I just had to try it on. The problem was I didn't know how to put on a dress. About the time I had it figured out I heard my mother coming up the stairs to tell me I could get up.

I never did get to try on that dress, but I also never lost the desire to wear a dress. Growing up in a large family, it was 11 years before I would have another opportunity.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I lettered in wrestling and was due to be initiated into the Varsity Club. These initiations were a big deal, though these days they would be considered hazing. A big event was scheduled at the school to include a hypnotist show, initiations and finally, a dance.
Every year the members of the Varsity Club would choose a theme for initiations such as Disney or Looney Toons. The "rookies" would have to dress as character within this theme.

The year I was initiated they stepped it up a notch and chose "Miss Universe" as the theme. There would be a beauty pageant and the finalists would compete in a swimsuit competition with the winner being excused from the rest of the initiations. I was selected to be Miss Holland. My mother loaned me a pink flowery bikini, in case I got that far. I was in heaven, though I couldn't let on. I wish I could say that I won the "Miss Universe" pageant, but I didn't even get to wear the bikini, at least not that night.

My mother never asked about the bikini and I didn't remind her. I kept it hidden and would wear it in private whenever I had a chance.

That was 41 years ago and I have enjoyed dressing ever since. Through over 20 years of military service and 31 years of married life I have managed to keep my femme side hidden from most people. A year and a half ago, I met a lady who runs a makeover studio for crossdressers and have started to take a few baby step into the beautiful wide world.

I invite all femulators to share their first crossdressing experience. Try to recall that moment the first time you tried on a woman’s garment and began the process of unveiling and exploring your feminine self. To entice you to share your first time story, I will give away a free copy of my e-book Fantasia Fair Diaries to all whose stories I use in Femulate.

Source: Intermix
Wearing Marissa Webb dress, Christophe Sauvat handbag and Le Specs Luxe sunglasses.

John Barrowman
John Barrowman in the UK stage production of La Cage Aux Folles.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Pondering and Wondering

In anticipation of my upcoming five-day stint as a woman, a faithful reader asked how my female voice practice is working out.

I think my voice is good to go, so I am practicing less than I did a few weeks ago. My main concern now is what I am going to say when I accept my award, not so much how I am going to say it.


If you have shopped online for womenswear, you probably get womenswear catalogs in the mail. I often wonder if my mail person wonders why I get all the womenswear catalogs, while my wife gets none.

Anyway, one catalog I receive regularly (like every two weeks) is the Woman Within catalog. I seldom buy anything from Woman Within, but I love their name. Since they sell sizes 12W and up, I am sure that the name is very appropriate for a significant number of their customers.


On WhoWhatWear, Bobby Schuessler suggested the following trick for walking in high heels without pain: run your feet under cold water (even if it's a sink in the bathroom), put a little hand lotion on your feet while they're a little damp, then put your stilettos back on. Just make sure you put your feet back in your shoes damp, not completely wet.

Bobby claims that you can get another four hours out of a pair of heels doing this mid-event.

And it works because the lotion seals in the moisture of the cold water and lubricates against any sore spots.

I' love wearing my heels, so I'll try this trick and let you know how it works for me.

Source: Intermix
Wearing A.L.C. Rhodes top, Intermix shorts, Star Mela Pelli bag and Joie Tonni sandals.

male model
Male modeling the Denis Gagnon Fall 2012 Collection in Montreal.

Monday, April 25, 2016

Christina Marie’s First Time

Ah, the wonderful and fun 80’s!

It was in 1985 when I first thought about trying on ladies’ clothing. My oldest sister was getting married and I couldn’t be happier! I couldn’t decide if it was one less sibling in the house or the wedding gowns that were worn.

Come to think of it, I always loved going to weddings and seeing all the beautiful gowns the ladies wore. Lifting their dresses to reveal the most beautiful of shoes was always a treat for me as well.

With all the people staying at our house with us, my sisters and I had to sleep in other rooms. I got the pleasure of sleeping in a room my father and I built; it was then they started to shove all the wedding stuff into the room with me. I started to hate life until I started to rummage through stuff. And what did I come across? Shoes, beautiful high-heeled shoes!

I was curious if I could fit them, so one by one I tried them on. It sucked having big feet and not being able to fit in any of them, but then, success. I was able to fit my feet into a pair of 5-inch heels. I stumbled around a little at first, but then I caught on rather fast.

It was still a couple days before the wedding and I continued to put the heels on and walk around. At one point everyone left and I even got up enough nerve to walk around outside and into the rest of the house. Everything was fine until my dad came home. I slipped them off right before he saw me and he never found out.

The night before the wedding, my dad moved the wedding gowns into the room with me. I wondered what it was like to wear a dress. I had already tried the shoes, so what the heck. I remember it was really late at night when everyone was sleeping. I picked the largest dress and slipped it on along with the shoes. OMG it was such a rush. I just wanted to put on panties, bra, long hair and even more. Alas, I had to take off the dress and the shoes.

The next day was the wedding and I helped move everything to the church. My sister’s friend, who was to wear the dress I had on, asked why it was a wrinkled. I told her it fell on the floor and I forgot to pick it up. Well it did, after I took it off. LOL That started me off on my newfound femulating path.

In the following years to come, I tried different things like nylons, panties, bras, nightgowns and even a neighbor’s dress (another story to tell sometime). Nothing ever felt as good or as right as when I was in the wedding gown.

Finally, years later I got to be the bride with a wrinkled gown no less, and put on my favorite red holiday gown, too.

I invite all femulators to share their first crossdressing experience. Try to recall that moment the first time you tried on a woman’s garment and began the process of unveiling and exploring your feminine self. To entice you to share your first time story, I will give away a free copy of my e-book Fantasia Fair Diaries to all whose stories I use in Femulate.

Wearing Blank Itinerary.

The Adventures of Barry McKenzie.
Actors femulating in the 1972 Australian film The Adventures of Barry McKenzie.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Everything you need to know about the transgender bathroom debate

"To paraphrase Denzel Washington’s character in Philadelphia, can someone explain this transgender bathroom controversy to me like I’m a 6-year-old?

"Someone needs to because nothing about the current debate is making any sense."

Gersh Kuntzman did an excellent job making sense of it in the Daily News. Please read what he wrote here.

Source: ShopBop
Wearing Zimmerman.

Pete Doherty
Rocker Pete Doherty

Friday, April 22, 2016

Joanna’s First Time

My own first time was very late indeed. I was 24 and had a full-time job that I still have and my own flat. I had known that I wanted to crossdress for a long time, but had never done so.

As a child, I didn't see much difference in the girls I mixed with (though I was insanely jealous of their hair and dresses). My parents bought my clothes and took me to the hairdressers, so there wasn't a great deal of opportunity to express that part of me.

Also, my Mum's clothes were my Mum's, no chance of using hers, it wouldn't have been right. I did write stories about being zapped into a girl's body that dealt less with the physical changes and more with the wish-fulfillment. I find it interesting that none of them had the protagonist ever upset or simpering ― they were themselves as a girl.

In my teen years, I didn't even buy my own shirts because I was too scared of 'getting it wrong' so female clothing was out then, too. But I read about it and learned that it had a name, crossdressing. 

Around the age of 17 at university, I wore a pair of knickers for the first time that had been sent to me as a dare and to try and break me up with my first girlfriend by pretending I had a secret admirer. It didn't work, but I wore them a few times before finally throwing them out in disgust with myself. I had the biggest feeling that crossdressing was wrong, but without really understanding why. I struggled with this until I was 23. At this point I bought a pack of my own knickers (black and plain, full briefs) and wore them a few times to sleep and to make meals on an evening.

When I turned 24, a girl I liked convinced me to go back to her flat and try on a dress. It was a purple one with a corset-like bodice, scoop neck, puffed sleeves and a full skirt to the floor. I wore it over my actual clothes for the day and the girl tied the corset up in the back so that I couldn't take it off by myself. It was heavenly. It shimmered and flowed and I felt so right and at peace. It was a feeling I had never felt before. I could feel the skirt billowing, even though I wore jeans beneath, and the pull of the fabric on my shoulders (despite the shirt I wore). The color too ― it was soft and feminine and beautiful.

All the feelings about crossdressing that I had been struggling with for a good decade by this point seemed to melt away. I almost forgot about the girl I was with and when she told me to go and check out my reflection in the bathroom I did. She told me I suited the dress better than she did and, you know, I did feel that it suited me. I think she was being nice though ― she suited the dress better. My mind was in overdrive and my emotions all over the place. I couldn't think straight and I could barely breathe properly with the joy and the risk and the beauty of it all.

I was going to ask to borrow lingerie to fill out the top better, but my companion misunderstood my breathlessness and red face and asked if I wanted to take the dress off before the rest of her flatmates came home. She thought she was saving me from embarrassment and feared that she had made me do something I didn't want to do. I tried to stammer out that she was wrong, but it was too late. She undid the laces and hoisted the dress off me.

Afterwards, as we shared a coffee and I told her how I really felt in fits and starts because I just didn't have the vocabulary and was still trying to parse the whole sensation. But her friends arrived in the middle of this before I could ask to try again
For me, then, my first time was very late indeed, much later, I would wager, than most people who have crossdressed. But it confirmed in me that it wasn't really crossdressing, though I couldn't explain that at the time. I was so comfortable and happy in my own skin whilst in that dress that I instantly started buying clothing that would emulate that; starting a wardrobe that stayed small but lovely and remains now, though none of those original clothes remain (they were all purged when I was 29).

Now I know what I was unable to express at the time ― I was not cross-dressing, rather I was showing outwardly what I felt inside. I was presenting as myself for the very first time. In short, I was me. As a consequence, that first time remains wistful, hopeful and full of wonder. It is lost forever, of course, the girl and I shared a brief relationship and my next relationship ended in marriage. She does not approve of nor understand my feelings on clothing and so there are precious few opportunities to embrace who I am. I miss it.

I invite all femulators to share their first crossdressing experience. Try to recall that moment the first time you tried on a woman’s garment and began the process of unveiling and exploring your feminine self. To entice you to share your first time story, I will give away a free copy of my e-book Fantasia Fair Diaries to all whose stories I use in Femulate.

Source: Metrostyle
Wearing Metrostyle.

Jeremy Stockwell
Jeremy Stockwell as Dinah East in the 1970 film of the same name.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Molly's First Time

When I was a teenager, I was dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions. Mainly, I really, really would have liked to dress like a girl.

I was a geeky boy, full of conflicting emotions. Sometimes I just wanted to try on a pair of panties, sometimes I wanted to sign up for full sex change surgery. There was no way I could tell anyone this.

It was the early 1990s and information on gender was hard to come by. I once waited several months to come by a copy of Caroline Cosey's autobiography. Then I immediately threw it away for fear of my parents finding it. I'd fantasize situations where I'd be 'forced' to play a female role, the hospital screw up where I'd get a sex change by mistake, the weird disease where I'd have to take massive dose of estrogen, the sneaky girlfriend who slipped hormones in my food, having to stand in for my (imaginary) older sister at her wedding. The list goes on.

But in 1992, the Internet came to my house in the form of a dial-up BBS (bulletin board system). For the first time in my life I could communicate anonymously and talk to people who maybe understood where I was coming from. At the age of 17, I came out to the local electronic world (the dial-up BBS only served one community).

Soon my prayers were answered in the form of a woman who was very sympathetic to my feelings. She said there was nothing wrong with what I was experiencing and if I was interested, she'd be happy to dress me.


It wasn't long before I visited her house. She was a nice woman of about 30. After she sent her preschool son into the other room, she told me I'd make a wonderful girl and she'd be happy to help me on my journey. She offered to buy me clothes, take me shopping and provide opportunities to spend time as a female. She even let me try on some of her pantyhose. It was what I'd always dreamed of.

Except that her husband was there, too. And he watched us the whole time. He complimented me too, but in a way that made me feel very uncomfortable.

Afterward, they both e-mailed me. The woman mentioned how her husband was crushing on me (she was fine with this). Her husband was much more graphic about what he'd like to do to me. In retrospect, I'm lucky that didn't end badly. I never visited them again.

Also on the BBS, a friend mentioned (to my male persona) that some girl at his school was trying to find a date who'd be willing to go to homecoming in drag. I immediately told him to tell her I'd be interested (you know, as a joke). Two days later, I met a real life girl whom I hit it off with and told my friend not to bother.

The next year I was in college. I had freedom and privacy. Still I was too scared to contact an LGBT group. I just couldn't risk being found out. But the BBS’s came through for me again when I was contacted by a local crossdresser who told me about a local group for men who liked to dress in drag. He offered to take me along to the next meeting and to help me dress up. I went for it.

Chris was an extremely nice guy who made a very convincing woman. While I wouldn't shave my legs for the experience, Chris worked around that with dark hose. He did a phenomenal job with press-on nails, a wig, clip-on earrings, etc. He spent so much time on my appearance that he didn't have time to dress himself, so he escorted me “in drab.” as he put it. Going to a meeting (in a hotel conference center) on the arm of a man in his 20’s certainly gave me some interesting and exciting feelings.

It was thrilling at the age of 18, to be the youngest in a room full of gender-variant people. I was introduced as Molly (after my long time crush, Molly Ringwald). More than one person subtly asked if I was a genetic female.

A couple of months later I visited Chris again and this time we both went to the meeting en femme. I think Chris might have been romantically interested in me, but I may be flattering myself. In either case, he was a perfect gentleman and lady. Chris also introduced me to crossdressing fiction, which then was only available in printed form. Chris really opened my eyes to a lot of new experiences and I wish I could thank her again.

Sorry I do not have any pictures of Molly. She was a cute girl and I miss her.

I invite all femulators to share your first crossdressing experience. Try to recall that moment the first time you tried on a woman’s garment and began the process of unveiling and exploring your feminine self. To entice you to share your first time story, I will give away a free copy of my e-book Fantasia Fair Diaries to all whose stories I use in Femulate.

Source: ShopBop
Wearing Nicholas.

Erik Handoko
Erik Handoko, male model