Tuesday, March 31, 2009

bushy eyebrows making a comeback

(updated below)

Good news, femulators, thinly plucked eyebrows are giving way to a more natural fuller brow.

Read all about it here.

When I clean up my eyebrows, which I usually do before going out en femme, they look exactly like the brows sported by Keira Knightly in the photo above. I used to worry that my eyebrows weren't feminine enough... well, not anymore.

sweet sixteen

Sunday's The Roanoke (VA) Times had a blog about two local high school womanless beauty pageants and mentioned that the two schools "don't compete on the athletic fields -- different divisions, all that. But who's to say they can't compete right here in the field of cyberspace?"

(At the end of the blog, readers could vote for the best beauty pageant.)

Maybe The Roanoke Times blogger is onto something, i.e., high schools competing against each other in womanless beauty pageants.

I can see it now: tryouts to join the womanless team, junior and varsity womanless teams, a full schedule of womanless competitions between high schools with a tiered play-off system to find the state champions.

If the high school womanless team concept becomes popular, colleges and universities will also field womanless teams. Eventually, the NCAA will get involved to find a national champion and give a brand new meaning to the term "Sweet Sixteen."

Monday, March 30, 2009

another Saturday night photo

Here is another photo of me from my support group's banquet on Saturday night. In this photo (taken by my good friend Deja), I am performing in our annual follies. I think I am lipsynching Goldfinger here and not Money (That's What I Want) because when I did Money, I was much more animated.

Funny how the flash of the camera brings out my white bra. It was not visible in person, but shows up in the photos. Next time I wear that dress, I must remember to wear a black bra.

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

me last night

updated below

That's me last night at my support group's banquet. I will have a full report here for you later.

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

Last night, I attended my support group's annual banquet.

There were 49 people in attendance, all dressed in beautiful evening gowns and cocktail dresses. I wore the vintage ballerina dress with my curly auburn hair as you can see in the accompanying photo.

I was amazed how many people did not recognize me because of my auburn hair. Even my good friend Diana L did not recognize me until I spoke.

I sat at the head table with our after-dinner speaker, Ann Stanback, from Love Makes A Family, and her spouse, Charlotte Kinlock. Charlotte mentioned she was from Waterbury, which is also my home town. Turns out we attended the same grammar school, but were two years apart and lived two streets away from each other. We did not know each other as kids, but we both knew a lot of the same people in the old neighborhood. As they say, "Small world!"

The hotel was rocking Saturday night. In the past, our banquet was usually the only event at the hotel, but last night there were other groups having events, too, and the place was crawling with civilians.

Diana L mentioned to me that one of the civilians approached her and asked about our group. She was surprised that we were crossdressers because she could not tell that there were males among our "ladies." That was a nice complement for our group!

A lot of civilians checked us out throughout the evening, maybe because we were dressed to kill when compared to the civilians or maybe because they had never seen so many beautiful crossdressers before. In either case, the civilians were civilized and there were no unpleasant comments or looks. In fact, some of the civilians were downright friendly.

During the "follies" portion of the evening, I lipsynced two songs, one right after the other. First, I did Goldfinger by Shirley Bassey, then I did Money (That's All I Want) by Josie and the Pussycats. I thought my Goldfinger was just ok, but one woman complimented my Goldfinger performance, so I guess was better than I thought.

I really got into Money (That's All I Want). It is one of my favorite rock songs and this version really rocked. The audience seemed to enjoy my performance. I noticed lots of people taking photos during my performance, so I must have done something right.

The banquets provide an opportunity to see old friends and make some new ones. Last night was no different. It was a very nice evening out en femme and ended too soon.

(I am very tired from staying out later than usual last night/this morning, so I apologize if the above thoughts are random and incoherent, but I wanted to document them before I forgot them. Tomorrow, when I am better rested, I may add some thoughts to my banquet story if I have anything more to say.)

Friday, March 27, 2009

poker face

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

going vintage

Colleen e-mailed me yesterday to ask what I planned to wear to my support group's banquet tomorrow.

After going back and forth with Patty, my fashion consultant, this week, we decided that I should go vintage.

I have a dress that I bought almost 15 years ago that I have never worn out. The style of the dress invokes Jackie Kennedy and Audrey Hepburn in the early 1960s. Why I never wore it out is a story that I will keep to myself, but I am glad that I finally decided to wear it because it is a real knock-out.

When Patty saw it, she thought it won my dress competition hands-down when compared to the other dresses I was considering. Patty suggested my accessories; so I am all set for my big night out and all I have to do now is wait for it.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

new ephemera

I added this newly-acquired Finocchio's mailing souvenir (circa 1960) to my female impersonator ephemera collection. You can view it and the rest of my collection on my ephemera Web page.

FYI, Finocchio's was a popular nightclub in San Francisco featuring female impersonators during the second half of the last century.

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

two tall additions

Jayne e-mailed me with two additions to our Famous Females of Height list:

Marti Caine, a UK actress and entertainer, whose height rounds up to 5' 8".

Melina Kanakaredes (right), a US actress, who appears on CSI:NY and is 5' 9" tall.

femulate elsewhere

A new list titled "Femulate Elsewhere" appears in the left sidebar of this blog. It is an attempt to list links to other blogs, forums, Web sites, etc., where this blog or this blogger has been mentioned recently.

I depend on Google Alerts for the mentions. Although Google Alerts is very good, it is not perfect and may miss something. So, if you are aware of a Femulate mention elsewhere that is not on the list, let me know about it so I can add it.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

womanless pageant par excellence redux

Last week, I blogged about the Haleyville, Alabama high school 2007-2008 "Senior's Cutest" womanless pageant.

Today, I found a set of photos from another Haleyville "Senior's Cutest" womanless pageant.

This set of photos is not dated, but I assume it predates the 2007-2008 set because there are no links to this set on the Haleyville (Alabama) City Schools Web site. My guess is that when their Webmaster posted the 2007-2008 set of photos, he/she did not delete the older set of photos. His/her omission is our gain.

In my humble opinion, this newfound crop of "girls" is not as good as the 2007-2008 crop, but there are some cuties in this bunch and all the photos are worth viewing.

why can't a transwoman be played by a man?

I read here that actresses will play transwomen in an upcoming film titled K-11. Not long ago, I read that Nicole Kidman will play a transwoman in another upcoming film titled The Danish Girl.

This is a pet peeve of mine and I have complained about this before, so here I go again: Why does the movie industry prefer to cast women in the roles of transwomen?

Ideally, transwomen should play transwomen, but since there is a dearth of transwomen film actresses, the next best choice is to have male actors playing transwomen. Women playing transwomen should be the last choice.

Males playing transwomen are more realistic than females playing transwomen. Compare the average transwoman to the average female film actress and there is a noticeable discrepancy. On the other hand, compare the average transwoman to the average male film actor and the discrepancy is not so much.

Sure, Nicole Kidman is tall, but except for height, how many transwomen resemble Ms. Kidman?

(When I complained about this before, I got Felicity Huffman in Transamerica thrown back at me as an example of a successful portrayal of a transwoman by an actress. I agree that Ms. Huffman was excellent in that role and the audience was able to buy into her being a male-to-female transsexual, but I think that Ms. Huffman's success was an exception.)

In those instances where male actors play transwomen, the males have done a very credible job. I offer two films that in my humble opinion are probably the best examples of males playing transwomen:

Soldier's Girl, a true story in which actor Lee Pace's portrayal of transwoman Calpernia Addams was excellent.

Transfixed, a fictional account about transsexuals in Belgium doing what T-girls have to do in order to get by. Robinson Stévenin (above) leads a cast of males playing transwomen and they all do an excellent job. (This is a foreign film, but it is well worth watching with English sub-titles.)

And so it goes.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Lenore Aubert, statuesque femme fatale

When I was a kid, channel 5, WNEW, out of NYC always showed Abbott and Costello films midday on Sundays and I often watched them. Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein was probably my favorite.

When the USPS delivered the Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein DVD from Blockbuster yesterday, I decided to watch it midday on Sunday (today). I have not seen the film in ages and it was a treat.

During the film, I noticed that Lenore Aubert, who played Dracula's co-conspirator, Dr. Sandra Mornay, was taller than some of the males in the film, so being a follower of tall women, I looked her up and it turns out that she was 5 feet 7-1/2 inches tall.

Rounding her height out to the nearest inch, she is 5 feet 8 in my book, so I added her to my Famous Females of Height list.

That is Ms. Aubert in the photo above early on in the film (click on the photo to magnify it). Don't you love her outfit?

Friday, March 20, 2009

trans event of the year next Saturday

The local trans event of the year is next Saturday when my support group has its annual banquet and awards dinner. This is a glamorous event with 50 or so ladies in attendance all dressed to kill in evening gowns and cocktail dresses.

The evening includes dinner, speeches, awards, dancing, and entertainment.

I usually participate in the entertainment portion of the program lipsynching to some obscure tune from the distant past. Last year, I lipsynched to a relatively unknown Leslie Gore song called "Sometimes I Wish I Were A Boy," an unrequited love song sung by a boy dressed as a girl singing about a girl who wished that she could occasionally be a boy. Talk about gender-bending!

This year, my gender-bending will be limited to lipsynching to a song that is usually sung by male performers.

I usually wear cocktail dresses to the banquet and this year probably will be no different. I am 75% sure of what I am going to wear, but with a week to go, you never know what old treasure I might find in my closet.

And needless to say, a full report with photos will appear here. (The accompanying photo shows me dressed up for last year's banquet.)

By the way, if you are in the area, there is still time to make plans to attend the banquet. Go here for more information.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

womanless pageant par excellence

I have received e-mails asking about the photos I used to illustrate my recent posts (specifically here and here) about womanless pageants.

Readers remarked about the quality of the femulation displayed in those photos. For example, Janet wrote, "If these are men they certainly don't look like amateurs. They seem very comfortable en femme. When I search Google, I come up with pictures and stories of men 'goofing around' in women's clothes, not like the ones you've shown. I'd sure like to know more about those gorgeous 'females.'"

The photos I used all came from the same source, which I found via Google searching with various combinations of the words "womanless," "woman-less," "pageant," and "beauty."

The source is the Haleyville (Alabama) City Schools Web site with one Web page documenting the womanless beauty pageant, the "Senior's Cuties Cutest," put on by the senior class of 2007-2008.

View the photos and I am sure they will impress you as they did I with the effort the students put into their femulations. This is not your average collection of guys in gowns; most of the guys are very passable, if not downright pretty.

The guys are dressed to kill in gorgeous properly-sized evening gowns, high heels, jewelry, top notch wigs, and beautiful makeup. There probably is some interesting foundation garments under there too in order to achieve the shape-shifting displayed by some of their girlish figures. And they look like they are really enjoying their time en femme! Do guys normally hug like that?

So, congratulations to the Haleyville Senior Class of 2007-2008 for their excellent femulation!

(By the way, this reminds me of an old Playboy magazine Dink Siegel cartoon in which two farmers hiding behind a boulder observe aliens disembarking from their flying saucer. The aliens are all raven-haired, long-legged, well-endowed, and absolutely gorgeous scantily-clad Amazons. One farmer remarks to the other, "This is nothing--wait till you see the women!")

Connecticut transgender activists work for equal rights protection

From today's Hartford Courant, "Transgender activists are making their fourth attempt this year to gain equal rights protection under the state's anti-discrimination laws. A public hearing starts today at 10 a.m. before the Judiciary Committee on a bill that would prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity or expression."

Read the rest of the story here. My good friend Diana is quoted near the end of the article.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

trans youth face extreme harrassment redux

Yesterday, I posted a link to an article about transgendered youth facing extreme harrassment.

Been there, done that, sort of.

I faced harassment as a kid back in the early 1960's. Bullies and their followers often targeted me for harassment because of my feminine mannerisms and traits. "Sissy," "fairy," and "faggot," were some of the epithets hurled my way.

Occasionally, there was some physical abuse, but due to my imposing size, the bullies usually refrained from physical abuse and took the safer way out sticking with verbal abuse to put me down.

The big difference between trans kids being harassed today and me being harassed back then is that I had no idea why I was being harassed. As an older and wiser adult, I put two and two together and figured out why I was harassed as a kid. But back then, I did not know I was transgendered. The word "transgendered" did not even exist back then.

Back then, I did not even realize that I exhibited feminine traits and mannerisms. I did not purposely act in a feminine way. I just acted naturally and to my peril, what was natural tended towards the distaff side of that great divide.

All I knew is that I was male and I acted as my natural self; wasn't that good enough to allow me to be part of the boys' club?

It was not and as a result, I was very confused because I could not understand the cause of my abuse.

I don't know if it would have made a difference if I knew the reason. Maybe I would have tried to act more masculine in order to fit in. Maybe not.

If I did try to act more masculine, would I have ever tried on that first pair of nylon stockings and high heel shoes? Would I have completely suppressed my natural feminine persona never to become the transwoman I am today?

So, considering the era in which I grew up, maybe things turned out for the better.

having a ball

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

trans youth face extreme harassment

"Transgender youth face extremely high levels of victimization in school, even more so than their non-transgender lesbian, gay and bisexual peers. But they are also more likely to speak out about LGBT issues in the classroom."

Read the rest of the story here.

ups and downs, highs and lows

I go out en femme once or twice a month; sometimes less often and seldom more often (unless I am attending an en femme event with an extended schedule like Fantasia Fair).

I seldom femulate unless I am going out. Those non-outing femulations occur when I am trying on newly-purchased clothing, putting together outfits for future outings, or dressing for photoshoots.

The bottom line is that in my opinion, I don't femulate a lot (or not as often as I'd like.)

As a result, I look forward to my outings weeks beforehand and when the big day finally comes, I am ecstatic.

When my outing en femme is over, I am initially happy thinking about the outing, but as hours and days pass, I eventually become sad and depressed.

These highs and lows are not good for my mental health.

In theory, if I went out en femme more often, the highs and lows would be less extreme and that would be an improvement for my mental health. And if I was en femme full-time, the highs and lows would be negligible and my mental state would be very healthy.

But due to circumstances related to my marital state, those options are not possible. So, I am stuck on a merry-go-round, going up and down in an infinite loop.

Thank the Goddess for my blog!

This blog allows me to femulate virtually providing an outlet for my feminine nature that would otherwise be pent up by the stranglehold grip of my so-called life as a American male.

And so it goes.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

my day at the True Colors Conference

Friday, I was part of the True Colors Conference at my alma mater, the University of Connecticut. The annual conference brings together GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc.).

Diana L did the driving and we arrived on campus at about 8:30 AM. In deference to my high heels, Diana left me off in front of the Student Union, handed me a box of handouts for our support group's table, and drove off to park her Prius.

I found our table and started setting up for the day.

When Diana arrived, I asked her to take a few photos. She obliged and when I reviewed them through the camera's LCD, I realized that my dress was very short on length. I had worn this dress before and its mini-ness was not as apparent then because I was wearing black tights, but yesterday, wearing brown ("expresso") tights made my legs and lack of skirt more obvious. I felt a little self-conscious about it, but I was not going to let it upset my day.

Lee Anne showed up around 9 AM and we three staffed the table most of the day.

Students and adults came by the table throughout the day and we chatted with everyone who stopped by, fielding their questions, and filling their hands with our handouts.

I believe we were the only trans group at the Conference, an island of T’s surrounded by an ocean of GLB’s, so a number of people who stopped by remarked how glad they were to see T’s represented, too.

I broke for lunch early and bought a yogurt at the food court, and then I prepared for my workshop. The way I prepare is to get nervous for a few hours before my presentation.

After I was appropriately unnerved, I walked to the Math and Science Building where I was presenting my workshop at 1 PM, titled "Femulate: The Art of Becoming Womanly." I found my classroom and waited for my audience.

As 1 PM approached, only five people had shown up. Turns out that folks were held up in the long lunch lines, so most of my audience arrived late. I was unaware of the problem and began at 1 PM sharp. By 1:15 or so, my audience had grown to 25 people.

As usual, once I began, my nervousness evaporated and I was on a roll, telling the short version of my biography and then getting into the main part of my presentation, which was basically an update of my “top 30 things every crossdressing man needs in his wardrobe to emulate a woman.”

The presentation went well. Lots of people asked questions and I tried to answer them all. At the end, I received applause, handshakes, and more questions from members of the audience who hung around afterwords.

I collected their evaluations and read them this morning. I received mostly “Excellent” and “Very Good” evaluations. I also received two ”Goods” and one “Fair,” so I would say I did OK.

The written comments were more revealing. Here is a sample:

"Super Practical. No philosophy, a real how-to, very honest, unpretentious, authentic and real."

"It was a really interesting presentation."

"Well done --- this was awesome"

"Great job, truthful, honest + helpful"

"Great legs, definitely"

"Awesome legs ; ) "

The last two comments made me feel a lot better about wearing a mini yesterday.

After my workshop, I returned to our table and crashed. The afternoon was not as busy as the morning and it dragged a bit, but turned out to be just as rewarding as the morning when a couple of trans people showed up to thank us for being there in the past because it had made a difference in their lives.

Just as we were getting ready to call it a day, somebody noticed a plaque on the wall behind our table. The plaque displayed the title, year, and the name of the artist of the mural on the wall behind us. The name of the piece was Transcendence.

Lee Anne left for home and Diana and I left to dine at Bertucci’s in the Buckland Hills mall in Manchester. Friday night and the place was full. We were escorted to a table at the end of an aisle, so we got to parade by 15 or so tables full of diners, but they were so busy dining that they did not seem to pay us much mind.

Our waitress seemed cool, but I think the server was a little nervous because as she left our table, she said, “I hope you enjoy your folks, meals.”

The rest of the meal was uneventful. We finished eating and I returned home about 7:30 PM very tired, but very happy.

It was another nice day en femme.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

White House Council on Woman & Girls invites transwoman

This is great news! According to a posting today on Pam's House Blend, President Obama invited transwoman Mara Keisling of the National Center For Transgender Equality (NCTE) to serve on the White House Council on Woman and Girls.

Read all about it here.

By the way, I heard Ms. Kiesling speak at Fantasia Fair last year and her presentation was informative and inspiring.

a fair return

As my blog postings in October 2008 indicated, I had a great time at Fantasia Fair... probably the time of my life, but I did not plan to go back real soon because of the expense involved.

One of the girls I met at Fantasia Fair (Jan from New York State) e-mailed me that she and another girl from New York were looking for a roommate to share in the rental of a condominium in Provincetown during Fantasia Fair week and was I interested. My share for the week would be about the same as it would cost for a room for one night at one of the Provincetown hotels, inns, or B&Bs. This cut the overall costs by more than half, so I gladly accepted the invitation and will be returning to Fantasia Fair in the Fall.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

more womanless

After my blog posting about womanless beauty pageants on February 6, I was curious how often and where such pageants occur. So, I set-up Google Alerts so that I would receive an e-mail me each time Google discovered a new encounter of the term "womanless" on the Internet.

Since then, I have been averaging a womanless alert about once a day. About 25% of the alerts have nothing to do with womanless beauty pageants (or womanless weddings), but the remaining 75% do. Womanless pageants occur regularly, two or three per week, and the vast majority occur in the Deep South of the USA. Only two occurred outside the Deep South: one in the Southwest and the other in the upper Midwest.

Monday, March 9, 2009

lay down your arms and put on a dress

I did not serve in the military, so I am not familiar with prisoner of war (POW) camps (except what I have seen in films) and I am clueless on the topic of crossdressing POWs.

Does the Geneva Convention require that every POW facility be stocked with the latest in female clothing, wigs, makeup, etc., to permit the prisoners to dress en femme?

I ask that question (with tongue in cheek) because I have been collecting trans-related images for years and my collection includes many images of POWs in drag putting on stage shows.

These "girls" are not wearing homemade outfits put together from scraps of material that they scrounged up in camp; rather they are dressed as fashionable women of the day would dress in outfits that came off the rack of women's clothier.

Did the POW camp commander ring up his favorite dress shop and order some frocks for the prisoners whenever they wanted to put on a show?

What's the real story?

Please enlighten me if you have any information on this subject.

Meanwhile, enjoy the sample of images (above and below) of POWs en femme. (As usual, click on an image to magnify it.)

Up top is a photo of five German soldiers at an unknown location during an unknown war, but my guess is World War II.

Below we find a group of German soldiers incarcerated at Camp Carson, Colorado, in 1945.

Far below, is another group of POWs of unknown nationality at an unknown location during an unknown was, but my guess is British soldiers during World War I.

Friday, March 6, 2009

showing my true colors

Next Friday (the 13th), I will make my second visit en femme to my alma mater where I will participate in the annual True Colors Conference.

"True Colors works to create a world where youth, adults and families of all sexual orientations and gender identities are valued and affirmed." Their annual conference brings together GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc.).

On Friday, I will be staffing my support group's table at the conference.

After lunch on Friday, I will also be presenting a workshop. Here is the description of my workshop from the conference program:

Femulate: The Art Of Becoming Womanly

To “femulate” is to emulate a female. This workshop will assist male-to-female crossdressers to learn the art of becoming womanly and ultimately, to femulate successfully. (Successful femulation is the ability to emulate a female so well that the femulator is accepted, that is, she “passes” in society as a female.) Staci Lana Hunter BA, JD is a male-to-female crossdresser, who began crossdressing at age 12. In her late teens, she took baby steps out of the closet on Halloween. Over the years, she got further out of the closet by honing the skills necessary to allow her to pass as a woman in society (without hormones or surgery). Today, besides shopping and dining out en femme, Ms. Hunter speaks at colleges and universities evangelizing the normality of crossdressing.

This is a different kind of outreach than the kind I do at colleges and universities.

My higher education audience consists of students who are taking a course in which transgender is part of their studies. Usually, they are not trans themselves.

At the True Colors Conference, my outreach audience consists of people who are actually trans or are working with trans. As you can imagine, they have different concerns and questions than the students who are studying the topic as part of a course curriculum.

I look forward to the conference because it makes for a very interesting and rewarding day. As usual, I will have a full report here after the fact.

(That's me in the photo staffing our booth at the conference two years ago.)

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

because of COS

I have been a member of the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) ever since it was founded 20 years ago.

When I joined COS, I had never been out en femme except for some Halloween excursions. So, when I attended my first COS meeting, I consider that my real first time out en femme. I recall being very nervous and sweating profusely at the meeting, so much so that I left the meeting early determined that I would never come back.

But, I came back and became active in COS. I edited their annual membership directory for a number of years, organized their annual banquet three years in a row, and manned their telephone help line for a stint. Currently, I do a lot of outreach for COS and I am serving my fourth stint as editor of the COS monthly newsletter.

I enjoy outreach a lot because it allows me to go out and hopefully demonstrate to the civilian population that transpeople are not freaks, but are just like them. I enjoy editing the newsletter because it gives me an outlet to be a little creative in a feminine way. But the main reason I am active in COS is because COS helped me become a better transperson. If not for COS, I would not be me.

COS's annual banquet is on Saturday March 28. It is the biggest trans affair of the year in these parts and attracts attendees from all over the Northeast. It takes place in a hotel in central Connecticut minutes from the intersection of three freeways and is a two-hour drive from New York City and Boston.

COS invites all trans people (and their loved ones) to attend our annual banquet. If you live in the Boston-New York City megalopolis, you won't go wrong attending the COS annual banquet.

For more details and reservation information, visit the COS Web site.

Monday, March 2, 2009

fading fiction sites redux

Three weeks ago, I wondered about the disappearing transgender fiction Web sites fictionmania and Crystal's Story Site.

A couple of days later, Stacy Jacobson e-mailed me about what she had learned about the disappearance. Immediately thereafter, her e-mail was lost in the clutter known as "The Femulate Archives" and I just found it today.

I apologize to Stacy for the delay in posting her reply. The pertinent parts follow:

I found the note below on the Big Closet:

Fictionmania has been offline for a long time now and it looks like it will remain that way for sometime [sic].

Crystal is working hard on rebuilding her site and will not update until she is done. Last update was 10/14/2008. She has a ton of stories backed up in her queue and I mean a ton!

She'll have her work cut out trying to get them posted, but she'll do it eventually.

out on a limb

I am home today watching the snow fall on a bleak Zhivagoesque landscape, while my deskjet prints the income tax forms that I will file tomorrow.

I finished doing our taxes this morning (yay!) and wait to begin my next big task (boo!): digging out from the snow storm. In the meantime, I am considering my particular location on the male-to-female transgender continuum.

At one end of the continuum are the gents who put on dresses, light up cigars, and sit around with the other gents in dresses discussing whatever is the news du jour on ESPN.

At the other end of the continuum are post-op transsexuals, who have completed transition and live their lives as the females they were born to be.

In my neck of the woods on the continuum are the femulators, i.e., transwomen, who present fully female in both dress and manner, but have no plans to surgically modify their bodies in order to augment their femulation. Some are full-time 24/7 femulators and some of them identify as no-op transsexuals. Others are part-time (like me) femulating when they can and some of them also identify as no-op transsexuals (not like me).

I believe that if the circumstances were different, I would femulate full-time without surgery, i.e., be a no-op, but I would not identify as transsexual.

Am I in denial about being transsexual?

I have met many transsexuals over the years and all of them admitted that they longed to be female all their lives. And they hated their male bodies. I never had the longing to be female and I am fairly satisfied with my body (my primary dissatisfaction is related to hair, i.e, too much and not enough in all the wrong places.)

On the other hand, I am not atypical male. In my youth, I enjoyed boy activities... to a point. I was not your typical rough and tumble boy and I did not like to take part in any activities where pain was a possibility. For example, I liked to play football, but I preferred touch football and avoided tackle football. So, I definitely had a sissy streak in me and some of the other youths let me know it by taunting me and calling me names.

I also enjoyed creative activities (writing and drawing) and there were other activities, i.e., some that were downright female that I would have pursued, but I worried what others would think if I followed those girlish activities, so I avoided them.

By the way, I am a heterosexual and never had any inclinations not to be.

All that being said, I believe that I am out on a limb that branches off the male-to-female transgender continuum. I am not sure of the name of that limb*, but it is kind of lonely out here.

And so it snows.

* I had this discussion here a few months ago and I bought into the suggestion that I was a "transgenderist," but after thinking about it, I'm not so sure.