Wednesday, February 19, 2025

Hard Work

My wife often comments that since it takes so long for me to get ready to go out as a woman, is it worth it?


Of course, it is worth it (what a silly question), but she does make a legitimate observation, i.e., it does take me a long time to get ready.

My excuse is that I am obsessive compulsive. According to Wikipedia , "The phrase "obsessive-compulsive" has worked its way into the wider English lexicon, and is often used in an offhand manner to describe someone who is meticulous or absorbed in a cause. Such casual references should not be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder…" (So, I'm not nuts, just a little crazy!)

As a result, when I go out as a woman, I want to look as perfect as possible, which means flawless makeup and not a hair showing that should not be showing.

I love putting on makeup and if I have the time, I indulge myself in the makeup process and can while away an hour or so putting on the war paint. But usually I don't have the time and I must get the job done as quickly as possible.

After years of practice, I have my makeup routine down to about 35 minutes if everything goes smoothly. I see no way of reducing that time without cutting corners and I refuse to cut corners, so I invest 35 minutes putting on my face.

The actual dressing is the easy part. I usually have my outfit picked out beforehand and I can have it on from soup to nuts, or should I say from girdle to wig in 15 minutes or less.

The wig I wear these days is a "shake and bake" wig. I just shake it out, put it on my head, make a few adjustments, and I'm done. I use self-stick pre-glued nails and they go on in less than five minutes with no muss or fuss. So, once my makeup is on, I can be out the door in less than a half hour.

Now the part I hate: hair depilation.

I am hairy. It is everywhere and depending on what I plan to wear, it can take 30 minutes to an hour just to get rid of it all.

I have long legs and they used to take some time to depilate. But over the years, I have depilated them so many times that new hair growth is sparse and now it only takes a few minutes to do my legs.

If I wear anything other than a long sleeved dress or top, then I have to depilate my arms. If I am wearing anything that exposes my shoulders, then they must be depilated, too. And so it goes for my chest and back if I am wearing anything that is low-cut in the front or back. Shaving my face is a joy in comparison.

When I come face-to-face with my hairy problem, I start thinking that my wife might be right, is it worth it?

Yes, it's hard work, but I still think it is worth every minute of it.



Wearing Chiara Boni
Wearing Chiara Boni

Ted Wass femulating in the 1983 film Curse of the Pink Panther.
Ted Wass femulating in the 1983 film Curse of the Pink Panther.

Tuesday, February 18, 2025

Is it safe?

A reader asked what kind of advice would I pass along to my readers regarding going out among civilians today. As I considered what advice to offer, I read a disturbing story about two transgender women who were attacked at a Minneapolis rail station, while onlookers cheered on the perpetrators rather than helping the victims.

Note that this attack occurred in Minnesota, a “trans refuge” state. It also occurred in November, weeks before the new administration passed down its anti-trans edicts. If our haters were so emboldened back in November, can you imagine how emboldened they feel now!

With all that in mind, my advice would be no different whether you live in a blue state or red state. If you go out, you should be very particular about where you go. If you have gone out in the past, you know which locations are safer than others, but these days, there are no guarantees regarding safety. Even a church isn’t safe with all those transphobic Christian evangelists lurking about.

I guess the closet is a safe bet, but who wants to go back there?

To tell you the truth, in all my days en femme among civilians in both blue and red states, I have never encountered a situation where I feared my safety. The worst cases were someone pointing or laughing at me and I can count those events on one hand. So despite this sad new world we live in, I still feel emboldened to go out en femme and enjoy my life as I see fit.  



Wearing Ann Taylor
Wearing Ann Taylor


Ian Mcculloch femulating in the music video for Echo & The Bunnymen’s “Seven Seas.”
Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Monday, February 17, 2025

Stuff 59: Not a Drag Queen

But I Love Them

By J.J. Atwell

Can you be somebody who enjoys dressing as a woman, but doesn’t see Drag Queens in quite the same light? Is that odd? At least to me, I see a huge difference between myself as a CD and drag queens. When I see a drag queen, I’m often amazed at their outfits and makeup. Especially those drag queens that go for the more “realistic” look. Sometimes I’m envious that they get to do that and are accepted for it. 

But Are They Really Accepted?

A drag queen is basically an entertainer. They typically are not trying to pass in the real world. They are actually trying to attract attention. Is that the same as acceptance? I’m not sure myself. Yes, people accept that they are performing and many enjoy it. I just don’t know if “acceptance” is the right word.

Drag Queens are often a lightning rod for those who are not so accepting of gender diversity. For some reason there is a fear that children will grow up to be gender diverse if they are see a drag queen perform. To me it’s obvious that this is a fallacy. If something like that were true then surely we would have lot of mutant ninja turtles running around by now. 

Being exposed to drag queens is vastly different from being exposed to the typical CD who just wants to be out in public. When I go out, I’m not trying to attract attention. I’m also not trying to “convert” non-CDs to dressing as a woman. I’m just out there because I’m tired of my small closet and want to be out in the world. 

So I Rambled

As I re-read what I’ve written here I see that I’ve kind of rambled. By touching on a few unrelated things I may not have made a clear point. But then again perhaps its best if the reader takes their own conclusions. How about letting me know if you think drag queens and CDs belong in the same sentence. 

I’ll Be Back

I’ll be back with more Stuff in the next installment. Comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so let me know what you would like to read about.



Wearing Ann Taylor
Wearing Ann Taylor


Long-time Femulate.org reader, Mindy, celebrated Valentine's Day.
Long-time Femulate.org reader, Mindy, celebrated Valentine's Day.

Thursday, February 13, 2025

Reunion

By Monika Kowalska

I come from a small provincial town, a lovely place to live, as long as you have a job. Without one, moving to a bigger city was the obvious choice for me. I completed my college education there, so it wasn’t much of a surprise when my mother, still living in our small town, told me she’d received an invitation for me to attend the school reunion. 

My first instinct was to ignore it. I never really enjoyed my school years. I was a short, reserved boy, constantly struggling with my identity, knowing deep down that I wasn’t meant to be a boy. I had few friends, I was effeminate, and I had no interest in the things the boys were into. And on top of all that, I knew my current appearance would turn heads, not just among my former classmates, but in the entire town. I might be the first transgender woman they had ever encountered in real life. It was daunting, but something inside me told me to go. So I did.

Here’s the thing. I had to give the organizers a heads-up before the event. You see, our name tags had senior class pictures on them, and the last thing I wanted was for some poor soul to do a double-take when they saw “Steve” instead of “Monika” on my tag. So, to avoid any confusion or wild rumors about a 'new' classmate, I casually informed them about my transition. No big deal, right? Well… that might’ve been a bit of a stretch.

So there I was, standing at the entrance of my school reunion, ready to face a night filled with stares, awkward small talk, and the inevitable “OMG, is that really you?” moment. For most of my classmates, this was their first time meeting the new me. For some, the transformation was no surprise. A few had kept in touch with me over the years, and, well, they already knew the scoop. But for others, I immediately became the center of attention. 

Now, let me tell you: being the center of attention is both thrilling and awkward in equal measure. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so scrutinized. There’s this strange energy when you’re the object of curiosity instead of just blending in with the crowd. I noticed one guy, let’s call him Brad, whispering to his buddy, “Is that really Steve?” with the same skepticism you’d reserve for seeing a unicorn in a Starbucks.

The evening was a mix of awkward moments and unexpected fun. Dinner was a highlight, especially when the conversation turned to those school memories no one dares mention, except, of course, at a reunion, where everything becomes fair game. A friend I’ll call Lisa (not her real name, but she knows who she is) decided to tell the table about that time she "accidentally" spread a rumor about me. Apparently, I was the subject of some “legendary” gossip back in the day, mostly because no one really knew what to make of me.

“And, like,” she said, “We used to wonder what was really going on with you, Monika, but I’m so glad you’re living your truth now. You always were a little mysterious.”

She gave me a knowing look, and I just laughed. Mysterious? Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it. I mean, sure, there were plenty of times when I struggled to act like a guy properly. But mysterious? I always thought I was just confused and slightly (totally) lost in my own skin. Still, I'll take it. It’s the type of compliment that doesn’t need to make sense to be flattering.

Now, let me tell you about the outfit dilemma. I wanted to look nice, but I didn’t want to be too flashy. I’m a medium-level girl in terms of attractiveness, nothing too eye-catching, but I do attract occasional stares (at least I want to believe in it). So, I went with a simple, elegant dress. But the shoes? High heels. As the night wore on, those heels were starting to feel like a distant memory of comfort. I was starting to feel the fatigue from all the dancing. And trust me, with so many guys wanting to dance and offering free drinks, it was hard to keep up. 

Don’t get me wrong, it was flattering, but with every song (and drink), my feet started to cry out in protest. I kept trying to enjoy it, but after a while, the constant tug on my feet became a bit too much. Still, I kept dancing because, honestly, there’s something about being the center of attention that makes it worth it, even if my feet were begging for mercy.

As the evening wore on, the group of girls and I continued talking about everything. Now, I was finally able to chat with them, and it was like I had unlocked a whole new world. I was enjoying every second of it, finally being included in the girl talk, asking about relationships, careers, and yes, the occasional “How’s your family?” But eventually, the conversation shifted to kids, husbands, and families. And that’s when I started to feel a little out of place. I mean, I can’t exactly join in on the whole 'mom life' conversation when I don’t even have a pet, let alone a toddler.

But then, I found my people. You know the ones, those fabulous ladies who had gotten divorced quickly, no kids, and still knew how to live it up. We bonded over the shared experience of being free (okay, maybe lonely), fabulous (in our own minds), and perfectly content with our own company (for the most part). Suddenly, it felt like I had a new group of friends who understood the joys of not having to worry about anyone else’s problems for a change. Or maybe I was lying to myself?

I couldn’t help but notice how much everyone else had changed too. The male classmates, oh boy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many bald spots in one room. Don’t get me wrong, they were still looking good (in their own way), but it was a far cry from the jocks I remembered back in the day.

As for the ladies, they were an interesting mix. Some still looked as good as ever, elegant and sharp, while others... well, let’s just say the years had been kinder to me than to them. So, my school reunion turned into more than just a night of awkwardness and self-reflection, it became a reminder that life is all about change. Sometimes it’s physical, sometimes it’s emotional, but the real beauty lies in the connections we make along the way. Plus, if nothing else, at least I walked out with a few free drinks, no complaints here.

Monika has been interviewing trans people in her blog, The Heroines of My Life, since 2013. Click here to see who she has interviewed lately.



Wearing Bebe
Wearing Bebe


Bruce Payne, Denis Quilley and Joe Melia femulating in the British film Privates On Parade.
Bruce Payne, Denis Quilley and Joe Melia femulating in the British film Privates On Parade.

Wednesday, February 12, 2025

Choices


We make choices everyday.

(Boxers, briefs or panties? Yogurt or bagel? Bra or bra-less? Regular or decaf?)

Some choices are more important than others and some have long-term ramifications.

(Should I be a doctor, a lawyer or a fire chief? Should I marry her, him or it?)

Sometimes our choices backfire. Sometimes our choices are just plain wrong and we suffer the consequences, but we are still free to choose whatever we want.

So why can’t we choose our gender?

Despite all the scientific evidence to the contrary, the anti-transgender crowd claims that transgender folks choose to be transgender just like the anti-gay crowd claims that gay folks choose to be gay. And according to those crowds, making those choices is wrong.

I am naturally feminine. My feminine speech and mannerisms are a bad fit in boy mode, but in girl mode, they are a perfect fit.

I could man up and never wear a dress again, but I chose not to impersonate a male. So, yes, I made a choice to live authentically and not fit in with the boys.

But what if I was not transgender?

What if I was a guy with no gender issues, who carefully weighed all the options and decided that living my life as a woman was preferable to living my life as a man. And as a result, chose to live life as a woman.

What's wrong with that?

I say, “Absolutely nothing.”

It is just another choice. Admittedly, it is a big choice with a lot of long-term ramifications, but humans make important choices everyday. That’s why God gave us intelligence and free will ― so that we can make choices ― like choosing our gender.



Wearing Bebe


Patrick Walshe McBride femulating on British television’s Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators.
Patrick Walshe McBride femulating on British television’s Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators.

Tuesday, February 11, 2025

Passable Vs. Presentable

I like to think that I pass. Just today, I received an e-mail from a dear friend who wrote, “You pass so well.”

But who am I kidding?

I am six feet tall (or a more dainty five feet, 12) and I always wear heels of some height when I am out en femme. There are not too many women out there who are six-feet tall. So, when I am out en femme, my height is my biggest giveaway.

I can hear some of you saying to yourself, “Well, Girl, don’t wear heels, then you will be shorter.”

My response to that is even without heels, my height is still my biggest giveaway and adding three or four inches will not make much difference.

Last Friday at the mall, I passed some of the time.

While I was walking through the mall, I passed a few women walking in the opposite direction, who looked me in the eye and smiled. Of course, I returned the smile. When a woman smiles at another woman, it may be a sign of camaraderie, so when a woman smiles at you when you are out en femme, it may be a sign that they have accepted you into the club.

On the other hand, I have also passed women in the mall, whose smiles indicate that they have read me as a male. Their smiles (or smirks) indicate that they are mildly amused by my attempt to pass. Go out en femme for awhile and you will begin to recognize the difference between smirks and genuine smiles.

At the mall last Friday, there were times when I did not pass.

For example, the saleswoman at Sephora referred to me as “he,” then quickly corrected herself and referred to me as “she.” I was not offended. When you are up close in another person’s face, as when you are dealing with a salesperson, it is more difficult to pass because they are concentrating on you and therefore, are more likely to pick up telltale signs that you are male.

I have gone out en femme enough to resign myself to the fact that sometimes I pass and sometimes I don’t. There is not much I can do about my ability to pass because I believe I have pushed the envelope about as far as I can to emulate a woman without undergoing surgery.

Admittedly, my ultimate goal is to be passable, but since that is not always possible, I always try to make myself look presentable. If I present as the best woman I can be, then I will be less likely to attract attention and will blend in with the real women out there.

On the other hand, if I go to the mall wearing my highest heels, shortest skirt, largest breasts, biggest hair and thickest makeup, I am going to attract a lot of attention. Dressed so, more people will check me out and thus increase the chances that people will figure me out. So, I try to present myself as a real woman would present herself in a similar situation.

While I was at Sephora perched on the makeover seat at the front of the store, I did attract the attention of people passing by, but none of them gave any indication that they recognized me as a male. All they saw was a woman getting a makeover, so they gave me an interested passing glance and went on their way.

It probably helped that I was seated, so that my height was hidden, but I think more important was the fact that I looked presentable in that situation. I really looked like a woman who had been shopping in the mall and stopped at Sephora for a makeover.

One more thing: if you are presentable, other people are more likely to respect you and treat you like a lady even if they know you are not really a lady. If I dress like a teen queen, I am not going to get much respect, but if I dress like a middle-aged woman (with impeccable taste, by the way), I have found that I get respect because I am trying to be a female clone, not a clown.

So, the bottom line is that, of course, you want to be passable, but before you can be passable, you must be presentable. And once you hone your presentation, you may or may not pass, but at least you know you did your best come what may.



Wearing Movado Bold watch, Nanette Lepore jacket, top, clutch and skirt, Giuseppe Zanotti pumps and Vita Fede jewelry.
Wearing Movado Bold watch, Nanette Lepore jacket, top, clutch and skirt,
Giuseppe Zanotti pumps and Vita Fede jewelry.

Mr. Jimmy Slater, professional femulator, circa 1920
Mr. Jimmy Slater, professional femulator, circa 1920

Monday, February 10, 2025

Stuff 58: The CD Wears Prada

Or do they?

By J.J. Atwell

You remember the movie The Devil Wears Prada? It came out in 2006 and was a fun romp through the world of high fashion. With many funny scenes, it implied that wearing big name fashion was a must for the women of the day. 

I’m guessing that big name fashion is still a high priority for today’s women. In today’s musings I’ll use “Prada” as shorthand for any of the big name fashion lines. So feel free to mentally substitute Louis Vuitton, Armani, Hermes, Louboutin, etc. as you read on.

Not the Devil

I don’t wear Prada, but if I were the devil, I might. It seems to me that there is a huge difference between how we CDs view high fashion and how GGs view it. For those that can afford Prada, there may be good reasons to spend the money for a quality product. A product that the GG will likely use regularly and get their money’s worth. 

For those of us who are occasional CDs though, it can be hard to justify spending the money on high-end goods when you can get by just fine with more ordinary versions. Especially if you are trying to build a feminine wardrobe on a shoe string budget. 

Prada on a Shoestring?

Surprisingly (at least to me) you can actually find Prada on a shoestring budget if you’re willing to shop in the used market. I’ve gone to several thrift stores and found high-end goods there, some still with the original tags.

A couple of my GG friends, Alicia and Gigi, speak highly about the Poshmark website. That led me to take a look at their website and I’m sure I’ll be buying some things from there in the future.

I’ll Be Back

I’ll be writing more Stuff, possibly while wearing Prada. As always, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so if there is something you would like to read about please let me know!



Wearing Rebecca Taylor
Wearing Rebecca Taylor


J. Conrad Frank femulating on stage in The Matinee – A Collection of Short Comedy Plays.
J. Conrad Frank femulating on stage in The Matinee – A Collection of Short Comedy Plays.