Monday, December 5, 2016

My Bio

Her Bio
Last week, Meg commented, "I (and perhaps others) would be interested in hearing your trans-bio as you present it to an average group of young civilians."

I am always happy to acquiesce to your requests, so here is the biography I wrote for my outreach presentations. You may recognize some of the words because they originally appeared in the blog, but you asked for it, so here it is.

My name is Stana.

I am a 65-year-old male-to-female transgender person. I am married and have one child. I have been crossdressing for over 55 years. 

My earliest memories of gender confusion was with regard to the wallpaper hanging on the walls of my childhood bedroom. The wallpaper had a nursery rhyme theme and depicted Little Boy Blue wearing Mary-Jane-style shoes – just like my sister wore. What's with that?

When I was about 10-years-old, I noticed a weekly ad in a New York City newspaper for a night club that featured female impersonators. The impersonators made glamorous women and I became fascinated that a guy could look so good as a gal. 

I tried to find out more about female impersonation, while I continued to enjoy boy things like playing sports, especially baseball (I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw like a girl).

I was not the "all-American boy." I excelled in school; always got excellent grades and was often the teacher's pet. I was also shy and soft spoken; guys called me "fairy," "faggot," etc. I did not know why. In retrospect, I guess some of my mannerisms were effeminate, but I did not think so. My speech and mannerisms were natural to me.

When I was about 12-years-old, I was home alone and I heard my mother's dresser call out to me, "Try on Mom's nylon stockings."

I did and then I heard my mother's closet call out to me, "Mom's high heel pumps will look nice with the nylons." 

So I tried on her heels, then I looked in the mirror and my legs were as shapely as a female - just like those female impersonators I admired. Soon I was wearing my mother's bra and girdle, her slips, her dresses, her hats, applying her makeup, etc. I got into my sister's stuff, too.

Whenever I was home alone, I practiced the art of female impersonation. I believed I was becoming an accomplished female impersonator, but I was frustrated and had to get out and show somebody. 

Next Halloween (when I was about 18-years-old), I borrowed some things from my mother and sister and dressed as a girl. I was not invited to a party or anything; I just dressed and drove around town surprising some of my friends and relatives.

Then I was back to practicing the art of female impersonation in seclusion except for a few Halloween parties I was invited to in my 20s. By then, I knew I was getting pretty good at dressing because on more than one occasion, I would overhear another party-goer ask "Who is the woman not in costume?" while referring to me. What a compliment!

In my late 20s, I met my future wife. We got married and I did not tell her about my hobby because I believed in the old wives’ tale that marriage would cure me. I had not crossdressed since I began dating her, so I believed the tale.

About a week before the wedding, I threw everything away. 

A month after the wedding was Halloween; we were invited to a party and I went shopping for a new women's wardrobe

Too many Halloweens in drag, my wife figured things out and asked me if I was a transvestite. I confessed. 

Initially my wife was supportive and suggested that I find a support group. I found Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) and started attending their meetings crossdressed. Then I started attending COS roadtrips to public restaurants crossdressed. Then I went to a couple of trans conventions where I could be a woman for a long weekend.

I became better at crossdressing by getting makeovers, reading how-to books, viewing how-to videos, etc. I got so good that I found that I could occasionally pass as a woman in public.

The better I got, the less supportive my wife became. I attribute her waning support to her disease, multiple sclerosis. As my crossdressing became better, her MS became more debilitating. 

Today, I only go out once or twice a month crossdressed in deference to my wife, whereas if I had my way, I would live 24/7 as a woman.

For most of my life, I believed I was a plain vanilla crossdresser, but I came to the realization that I am more than a crossdresser. 

Simply put, I identify as a woman. I am not woman trapped in a man's body, I am a woman. I think as a woman, I emote as a woman, and when I have the opportunity, I present as a woman. To most of my acquaintances, I am the most feminine male they know and that's because I am a woman.

True, my container is male, but its contents are 100% female. I am very adverse to fooling around with my container. Many things can go wrong and so far, my container has held up pretty well, so why mess with it. As a result, I have no interest in taking hormones or having surgery to modify my container so that it matches its contents. I have no plans to have a “sex change” operation.

I would be happier if I could live as a woman full-time, but I have commitments that make that impossible. Those commitments are my wife and daughter. 

So I live part-time as a male and part-time as a female, but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time. 

Source: Metisu
Wearing Metisu.

Marcin Rogacewicz
Marcin Rogacewicz femulates on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Reaching Out

I wrote about shopping and slogging through the rain in my previous two posts about my day out on Tuesday. Now I will regale you with part three of the story.

The drive to Southern Connecticut State University was uneventful. If anything, traffic was lighter than usual. I parked in the visitors' parking lot that was closest to the classroom where the outreach would take place and switched to flats for the half mile walk.

Once indoors, I switched to my nude high heel pumps and proceeded to the classroom, where I met up with Professor Schildroth and my outreach teammates, Mary Anne, Michelle and Quinton, who I have done outreach with countless times.

Once the class settled in, we kicked off by telling the class our trans biographies in a nutshell. Then we split up the teams with the post-ops going to another classroom with half the students and the no-ops (Mary Anne and me) handling Q&A with the other half of the students. At the half time, the teams switched off so that all the students had a chance to interrogate the post-ops and no-ops alike.

For the first time, there were religious and political questions. In light of the recent election, the political question did not surprise me, which was how secure we felt as transgender people after the election? (My answer: Very insecure.) The religious question was how religious were we? (My answer: Not very.)

Since we are no-ops, one student asked us if we considered becoming post-ops. My answer was that at my ripe old age, I would not consider it, but if I was young again, I would seriously consider it.

I don't recall the other questions probably because they were the same or similar to questions we have answered in past outreach sessions.

At the end of the class, the students thanked us and we moseyed over to the student center for a late lunch. I had a slice of veggie pizza, which was very tasty, but a few hours later, I experienced some of the worst indigestion I've had in quite awhile. Since I had eaten nothing else that day, I assume that the peppers on the pizza did not agree with me.

Other than that blip on the radar, it was a good day out among the civilians and I hope to do it again real soon now.

Source: Boston Proper
Wearing Boston Proper.

Coco Martin
Coco Martin femulating in the 2015 Filipino television action drama Ang Probinsyano.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Cyber Dress

While I was at Macy's shopping for a hat on Tuesday, I saw a womanikin wearing a dress to die for. I perused a nearby rack and it came in my size, but I was reluctant to disrobe to try it on because I had on a white sweater dress that I had to pull over my head to take off and put on.

When I tried on the sweater dress at Dress Barn a month ago, I got some makeup on the dress. I pointed out the mess I made to the sales associate and somehow she cleaned off the makeup.

Next time I am at Dress Barn, I will have to ask her how she did it, but without that knowledge, I did not want to take a chance and mess my dress before my outreach session. And after I saw the price tag ($109.50), I did not feel too bad.

Online Christmas shopping the next day, I found myself on Macy's website checking out the dress and realized that cyber sales were still in affect at Macy's and I would not have to pay list price.

So I added the dress to my virtual shopping bag, proceeded to check-out and was shocked by the cyber sales price: $43.99 ― 60% off list! And free shipping!

What a deal!

Source: White House Black Market
Wearing White House Black Market.

Barry Scott and Ricky Renee
Barry Scott (center right) and Ricky Renee (far right)
femulating in the 1970 British film Goodbye Gemini.