Friday, January 31, 2020

Got T-Dar?

Do you have T-Dar? I do and if you are reading this blog, you probably have T-Dar, too.

T-Dar, short for trans-radar, is the ability to detect a trans-person when they are presenting in their non-birth gender. For example, you see a tall woman walking through the mall. Suddenly, your T-Dar kicks in and you begin looking for clues that the woman is actually a natal male presenting as a female.

No matter how good you think your T-Dar may be, you seldom have an opportunity to determine whether your T-Dar is working correctly.

You can confront a suspected trans-person, but that can be disastrous, especially if you are wrong. Recently, I read about a transwoman who encountered two tall women while shopping. Her T-Dar told her that the two women were trans and she confronted them by introducing herself as trans and saying something to the effect, "You're trans, too, aren't you?"

The two women reacted as if the trans-woman had just gotten off a spaceship from Uranus. They had no idea what she was talking about and when it became apparent to the transwoman that she had erred, she wished that she was on Uranus.

And even if your T-Dar is correct confronting a suspected trans-person can be a sensitive matter.

One time when I was attending First Event, I arrived at the hotel in boy mode and took the elevator to the floor where I could register for the event. The elevator stopped before reaching my destination and a transwoman got on. I was 101% positive that she was trans and without thinking, I asked her if she was enjoying First Event.

She was taken aback by my query and seemed very uncomfortable. I immediately realized the error of my ways and explained to her that I was trans, but having just arrived at the hotel, had not changed into girl mode yet. She seemed a little relieved, but I learned a lesson and would never do that again.

So it is probably best to use your T-Dar in a solitary manner. Keep your T-Dar findings to yourself unless, of course, you write a trans-blog, then you can publicize your T-Dar results. (“Yesterday, I saw a trans-woman in ladies' shoes at Macy’s.”)

I believe that most trans-people have T-Dar. It almost comes naturally because trans-people look for affirmation that there are other trans-people out there. What better way to affirm that then to actually see another trans-person in person? Seeking that affirmation, trans-people check out potential suspects wherever they go (at least, I do).

Even when my T-Dar determines that the six-foot woman walking through the mall is, in fact, a genetic female, it provides a different kind of affirmation. It affirms that there are genuine tall women out there and as a six-foot-plus transwoman, it gives me encouragement to go out en femme and join the other tall women out there because I am not alone.

(Danger, Danger, Will Robinson! This post is a rerun!)








Wearing Bebe




Enrico Lo Verso
Enrico Lo Verso femulating in the 1997 Italian film As You Want Me (Come Mi Vuoi). See the trailer here.

15 comments:

  1. What you say is true, most us have that T-DAR, we are always looking and always gauging. I wonder if that is why so many of us have trepidation's about passing? Do we believe that everyone else is looking at all those details? However I believe they are not, most people want to see you as you present.

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  2. One of you memorable posts. We have been in Florida for a break from the cold and visiting a friend in a gated community. One of the gate guards seems to be T. She is a large woman easily 6' and 220+ lbs. Both times we encountered her it was late in the day and her beard shadow was clearly growing through her makeup. Her voice was also in a very manly register.
    I was driving and saw her first but my wife's first clue was her voice. She was in a standard gate guard uniform.
    I agree that we have heightened T-Dar. I am certain that my wife's T-Dar is at least as acute as mine. My question is whether you and your readers think that our spouses have as sharp a sense of T-Dar as we do. Following Paula's thesis that since we are so concerned with being noticed when we are out are our wives as sensitive to spotting males presenting as females as we are.

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    1. Do you think the large guard might have been a FTM in transition? Both beard growth and a lower voice come pretty quickly to transmen. I point this out because I know a large female athlete friend of one of my kids who is now a man.

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    2. Her makeup, particularly her eye shadow and lipstick, along with her long hair would tend to push the scales towards MTF.

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  3. I think my T-DAR is pretty good, but it's only been activated a couple of times. The last time at Walgreens. Then again who knows, I may not be as good as I think. BTW, the trailer you mentioned is definitely worth a look even if it is all in Italian.

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  4. I "learned my lesson" in a different situation, but I think it's applicable here. Many years ago I asked a "heavy" woman, "How far along are you"? You can guess it! She wasn't pregnant. That's the last time I asked that question.

    I saw my first drag show when I was barely 13 years old. I've been looking at CD/TG/DQ people pretty often now for the past 65 years and have what I think is very good T-Dar. But that "lesson" noted above has guided me for the past 50+ years. If I want to find out if my T-Dar is on target I'll try chatting the lady up and see where that takes me. If something is revealed I'll probably follow that thread if further conversation is appropriate. My eye is sharp after all my years of observation, but they're going to let me know some way or another. If it isn't obvious (me, for instance) I'll never be the one to ask.

    The woman I misidentified as pregnant? It's been many years since I last saw her, but back then I did see her from time to time -- she never spoke to me again!

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  5. And on a related note - am I the only one who looks at this Femulate Her dress and thinks - "With a short veil this would make a cute wedding dress."??

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  6. Thanks for your insights. Yes, I've wanted to talk to a couple people on the Metro. If only I had more chances! But your points are good. Sara

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  7. I can truthfully say that my T-DAR has gone off many times but only once or twice has it registered 100.0000% likely (other than at First Event where you have to shut it off because it is constantly on :) ). Of course, I did not say anything to anyone as I would not want someone to say anything to me out in the open.

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  8. I think I look OK, in any event I'm confident, but the the other day in a hotel bar, I set off someone's T-DAR, and a man asked to join me. My initial apprehension melted away when I realized that "he" was a closeted sister, looking for advice and friendship. Turned out to be a marvelous conversation.

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    1. Lovely... hoping to do same when I'm dressed in drab. Sara

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  9. Stana,

    I'm so glad you posted this, because, sometimes, out T-Dar isn't quite as exact as we'd like to think. It is such a delicate situation when we assume someone is trans. The best decision is to keep our assumptions to ourselves, thereby avoiding a mis-identification.

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  10. Sally StoneJanuary 31, 2020

    Stana, I am so glad that you posted this. Even when we are sure we have clocked a trans person, there is no guarantee we have guessed correctly. As much as we'd like to establish communication with a fellow sister or brother, unless we know for certain someone is trans, it is better not to misidentify. I'm saying that out T-Dar, no matter how well we think it is tuned, may not be absolutely accurate.

    Hugs,

    Sally

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  11. What WE need is a 'secret hand sign' (somewhat dangerous in these times), or a 'special pinky ring', OR Jewelry pin... or maybe an 'a T-Dar' for detecting 'T-Dar'....
    Maybe a phone app for being in proximity of another 'T'.
    The most beneficial thing you can do for yourself is to find ways to NETWORK with persons of like mind.
    I did make acquaintance with a trans man here while he stocked the makeup at Dollar Tree. I was dressed in DRAB, and made comment about 'my favorite lipstick color', which brought him into a conversation.
    Velma
    Velma

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  12. This issue is not so much whether our T-Dar is accurate. The issue, at least in my mind is that there are so many different flavors of being "T" that even if we recognize someone as not having been born with female parts that person could be anything from a post op to someone venturing out for their first foray in feminine finery. It is a broad spectrum and you cannot really ascertain where on the spectrum any individual person may be. We are all different.

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