Wednesday, January 29, 2020

A Crossdresser’s Best Friend

“Confidence: A Crossdresser’s Best Friend” is the title of the workshop I will present at two local conferences this spring, the True Colors Conference and the Transgender Lives Conference.

When I started going out among the civilians, I was confident that I would be read by everyone because of my size (6 foot 5 in heels and 200 pounds plus). In fact, I was so confident that I would not pass that it preventing me from even trying. I lost count how many times I drove to the mall en femme, then drove home without ever getting out of the car.

But I was determined and after making another drive to the mall en femme and sitting in my car for 20 minutes, I finally got up the courage to get out of the car and enter the mall.

Talk about anti-climatic! Instead of all hell breaking loose, I hardly garnered any attention at all. A few women smiled at me, a few even said “hello” and one or two smirked, but most of the time I was as invisible as a cisgender middle-aged woman.

My confidence performed an about-face that day and each time I went out thereafter, my confidence just increased to the point that today, I don’t think about it.

Source: Rue La La
Wearing Rebecca Taylor

Patrick Walshe McBride femulating for a 2018 episode of
UK television’s Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators


  1. You are absolutely correct. Like the Nike ad "Just Do It". There have been plenty of times when I have been out and ready to encounter the civilian population when I just stayed in my car. 20+ years ago I ventured to Triangles and could not pull the trigger. Of course, once some confidence kicked in Triangles became a bit of a regular place for me.
    Even today, before going into a new place for the first time I tend to get the jitters but once out of the car and into the real world things just tend to run smoothly.

  2. This comment is directed at the newbies out there who want to go out in public but are afraid.

    Please take note, that we say the same thing, You go un-noticed. Number one you look better than you think you do. Number two most people if you present as a typical woman will see you as a woman even if they suspect you may be transgender. Number three it's okay to be transgender Yes Really!!!

  3. I'll always look like a man in a dress. I've gotten better at dressing, makeup application and having a female hairdo. I don't clunk around, though foot surgery has forced me into clunky shoes. From a distance I probably don't get "looks" like I used to get, but up close I'm not so hard to "clock".

    What got me out there initially was doing my best to honor the female image and this: "They don't know me and I don't know them". So what if people figure out I'm "that man in a dress"? And I discovered that the vast majority of people don't care! So I did it more and that boosted my confidence -- and that helps me present better as that "man in a dress". Now I don't get "looks" when I go into the women's dressing room at Macy's. I'm just another "girl" trying on clothes. But I don't go into the Macy's women's restroom because I can't pass the physical. Like many of us, I've trained myself to "hold it" until I get home or to a "safe" place.

    So, "Newbies", pay attention to Stana and Pat and Paula. It's OK to be trans -- not just OK, it's good. Take our suggestions, follow our guidelines and you'll find the courage to let the world see your femme self. Still not convinced? Find a Meetup group in your area. The other ladies will help you, give you a place to change if you need it and you'll get to see many ladies like yourself. You'll be surprised to find that you have much more confidence in a group of "birds of a feather". I did it that way and much sooner than I expected I went to the following Hallowe'en by myself. You can do it and the collective "we" are here to help you. Just ask.

  4. Once again, you list a TV show that I KNOW I have watched on line, but now can't find!! It's Season 1 Episode 7, "The Fairest Show Means Most Deceit", and it was well done, but I cannot find the link. Anyone??

    1. If it's any help, the series is on iPlayer.

  5. Speaking of True Colors, did you hear that Robin is retiring in June and they are looking for a new ED.

    1. Yes - I received an email announcement yesterday. Robin is True Colors - she will be missed!

  6. Barbara AnnJanuary 29, 2020

    My first big outing was in Reno Nevada. I was scared at first, but soon realized there were so many distractions out on the streets that nobody was really paying any attention to me. It was a great confidence booster for me.