Stuff 136: Sharing

By JJ Atwell

I’m Not an Expert

I’ve said this before, but it’s probably time to repeat myself: I don’t claim to be an expert on anything CD-related. I have no special training in any of the related disciplines that would qualify me as an expert. So why do I write Stuff? Because I enjoy sharing—and because writing is a bit therapeutic for me.

All I have to offer are my own experiences and a little research. I’ve now been sharing my Stuff with you for more than three years. Some of you may be tired of reading posts in which I repeat certain themes. Still, I revisit those themes in the hope that something I write will help other CDs come to terms with—and enjoy—this experience.

Finally, I should emphasize that I write from my perspective as a crossdresser. I’m not trans, and I have no desire to transition. I know I’m a guy, and my everyday life is a guy’s life. I enjoy the occasional foray into a woman’s world, but I know I’m only visiting. That perspective may or may not apply to you, so please keep it in mind as you read my thoughts.

With that said, let’s move on to some odds and ends.

Be Happy

I hope dressing is a fun experience for you. Does getting dressed make you happy, or does it cause you stress?

Chronic stress can affect both our physical and emotional health in many ways. You can ask your online assistant to explain some of those effects or, if you have specific health concerns, consult a medical professional. Generally speaking, stress is something we should try to avoid—or at least minimize—in our lives.

Happiness can also influence our health. Although the connection is complex, people who feel emotionally well may be more inclined to exercise, sleep properly and take better care of themselves. In that sense, happiness can be a form of self-help.

Both happiness and stress can be influenced by how you approach dressing. If you can enjoy getting dressed, it may put a smile on your face and give you a more positive outlook on the world. I often read that many of us use dressing as a way to relieve stress. It can help us feel more comfortable and secure. The more you believe in yourself—whatever your guise—the happier you are likely to be

Ebb and Flow

How many of you find that your urge to dress ebbs and flows? I would guess just about everyone. I know it certainly happens to me.

From time to time, I’ve even passed up a rare opportunity to dress simply because I wasn’t in the mood. Hmmm—might that mean something? Is the urge fading with age? No, that can’t be the answer because I’m feeling the urge right now!

Perhaps getting dressed sometimes seems like too much trouble for too little payoff. I suppose it depends on the level of dressing involved. Am I merely putting on foundation garments and throwing something over them, or am I going all out to create a convincing feminine presentation?

For me, spending two and a half hours achieving a look that is good enough for going out in public is a lot of work if I must take it all off 30 minutes later. On the other hand, if I’m staying home, spending 15 minutes putting on my shapewear seems like a fair trade for half an hour of being dressed.

Does that sound familiar? I’d love to hear what determines whether dressing is worth the effort for you.

I’ll Be Back

I’ll keep finding more Stuff to write about. Meanwhile, I welcome your comments and suggestions here on Stana’s page or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing Shein

English comedian Dick Emery

Aftermath

Company Christms Party

Going to work on Halloween dressed convincingly as a woman was exciting, nerve-racking and liberating. But the part I was curious about most was not Halloween itself. It was what would happen afterward.

Halloween gave me permission to walk into the office en femme. November 1 did not give my coworkers permission to forget what they had seen.

Would they tease me? Would they treat me differently? Would someone decide that I had looked a little too convincing? After all, this was not a last-minute costume assembled from a borrowed dress and a crooked wig. I had arrived wearing a complete office-girl ensemble, including shapewear, hosiery, heels, jewelry, makeup, an auburn wig and a handbag. I looked as if I belonged in the secretarial pool—and that was exactly what I intended.

The next workday, I returned in my usual male clothing and braced myself for the aftermath.

There were a few smiles, a little friendly ribbing and plenty of compliments. Some coworkers mentioned how convincing I had looked. Others wanted to know how I managed to walk so comfortably in heels or apply makeup so well. A few women seemed especially amused that I had paid more attention to the details than some women did.

But the most significant reaction was the one that never occurred.

Nobody shunned me. Nobody questioned my ability to do my job. Nobody summoned me to Human Resources for an uncomfortable conversation. Once the excitement wore off, everyone returned to work and life went on.

Naturally, some coworkers probably wondered whether Halloween had merely provided an excuse for me to do something I already enjoyed. They would have been correct, but nobody pressed the issue. Perhaps they respected my privacy. Perhaps they simply did not care. Or perhaps my convincing presentation answered the question without anyone needing to ask it.

The experience taught me something important: we often imagine an aftermath far worse than the one that actually occurs. Before going out en femme, we picture ridicule, rejection and endless gossip. In reality, most people react briefly and then return to worrying about their own lives.

My coworkers had reports to write, meetings to attend, circuits to design and deadlines to meet. My appearance on Halloween may have been the talk of the office for a day or two, but it did not become the defining event of my career.

In fact, the aftermath was so uneventful that I did it again the following Halloween. I won the costume contest during each of its first two years. When the company stopped holding the contest, I continued dressing en femme on Halloween anyway. The prize had never been my motivation. Going to work as a woman was the prize.

Eventually, I went to work en femme for seven Halloweens (and two post-retirement Christmas parties). Each appearance made the next one easier because my coworkers already knew what to expect. What had seemed daring the first year gradually became an office tradition.

“Here comes Stana. It must be Halloween.”

Years later, former coworkers indicated that they had not been particularly surprised by my feminine appearances. Evidently, I had not concealed my feminine side as successfully as I once believed.

Looking back, Halloween did more than allow me to wear a dress to work. It showed me that being seen as a woman—even by people who knew me as a man—did not cause the sky to fall.

The morning after Halloween, I was still employed, still respected and still the same person I had been before.

Except I was a little braver.

Wearing Shein

Contestant Dylan (center) femulating on television’s Lets Make A Deal.

Funny Fall Femulations

 

My Halloween at Work En Femme

Every October, I thought about going to work crossdressed on Halloween. But thinking about it and actually doing it are two very different things.

Then one October, Human Resources announced that it would hold a costume contest on Halloween, with a major prize offered as an enticement. I didn’t need one. The opportunity to go to work en femme was enticement enough!

I already had everything necessary for an “office girl drag” costume. Actually, I had enough clothing for several office girl costumes, so all I had to do was decide which one to wear.

It never occurred to me to dress less than authentically so that the civilians wouldn’t become suspicious. On Halloween morning, I got up early and did my best to look like a genuine office girl. I wore a black-print, knee-length, short-sleeved sheath dress; tan pantyhose; a bra, waist cincher and panty girdle; black pointed-toe pumps with 3½-inch heels; an auburn wig; jewelry; full makeup; and a black handbag.

My wife looked me over, gave me a thumbs-up and sent me on my way.

When I arrived at work, I parked the car but hesitated before getting out. Finally, I put on my big-girl panties, stepped out of the car and entered the building.

Our receptionist and a woman from Human Resources greeted me in the lobby. Instead of buzzing old Stanley through the security door, the receptionist looked at me and asked, “May I help you?”

They didn’t recognize me until I revealed my identity. Then they began gushing over my costume!

I went upstairs to my cubicle. Because I had arrived early, few people were around to see me. One of my best friends at work was among the handful of employees who usually arrived before I did, so I went to her cubicle, stuck my head around the corner and said, “Trick or treat.”

She was floored!

After regaining her composure, she began calling me “Stella” and insisted on escorting me around to visit the other early birds. Our first stop was her boss, who had been with the company for about six months. I didn’t work directly with him, but his cubicle was only three spaces away from mine, and we crossed paths every day.

My friend pushed me into his cubicle, and he had no clue who I was. At first, he assumed I was a new female employee. Then my friend blew my cover.

“Don’t you recognize him?”

He didn’t—not until I explained that I was the guy who worked three cubicles away.

And that was the way it went all day.

In an office filled with Halloween costumes, my height was a clue. Most people read me as a man in drag, but they couldn’t figure out which man until I showed them the photograph on my security card. On the other hand, a surprising number of people didn’t read me at all—including some with whom I worked regularly.

By midmorning, word had spread that there was a guy in drag upstairs, and a procession of onlookers began marching to my cubicle to check me out. No other men appeared in drag. In fact, only a handful of men wore costumes of any kind. The women had much more Halloween spirit, with approximately 25 of them arriving in costume.

In general, the women loved my outfit. Some were amazed that I had shaved my legs and arms. Others complimented my makeup, and several asked, “Did your wife do your makeup?”

“No, I did it myself,” I replied, which caused even more amazement.

A few people suggested that I quit my job and become a professional female impersonator. One woman said I had made her day, then returned to my cubicle three times, bringing two or three new onlookers with her on each visit.

A pretty administrator remarked, “You look better than most women I know.”

That made my day!

A few women gave me knowing looks, as though they suspected I looked too good for this to be my first time. But I didn’t care.

Shortly after arriving at work, my pantyhose began running like crazy. I don’t know whether they were defective or I had been careless, but by 10 o’clock, I had three runs that were growing larger by the minute. I wanted to look my best, so I slipped out of the building and drove to a nearby CVS to buy another pair.

This was where the day became even more interesting.

I parked the car and walked into the store, passing several people who paid no attention to me. To avoid causing a commotion, I approached the first saleswoman I saw and explained that I had gotten a run in the pantyhose I was wearing with my Halloween costume and needed a replacement pair.

“Hosiery is in aisle eight, Ma’am,” she replied, apparently unfazed by my mention of a costume.

Evidently, I wasn’t going to cause a commotion.

I went to aisle eight, selected a pair—only $1.99—and returned to the register. The same saleswoman rang up my purchase without displaying the slightest suspicion.

Here is the remarkable part: I never used a feminine voice. I spoke in my normal voice, which is admittedly soft-spoken but definitely male. Apparently, the saleswoman’s eyes convinced her that I was a woman, regardless of what clues her ears might have been receiving.

I returned to the office, changed my pantyhose and waited for the results of the costume contest. Many people had told me they planned to vote for me, and I guess they did because I won.

I thought three or four costumes were better than mine, but perhaps having the nerve to wear what I wore provided the little something extra that pushed me over the top.

I had the time of my life. I wished the day would never end, but of course it did.

What remained were many wonderful memories of my first day at work en femme—and the knowledge that thinking about doing it had finally become actually doing it.

Wearing Boston Proper

Gary Busey femulating in the 1998 film Rough Draft.

No Party? No Problem!

Stana at Websterbank on Halloween

Halloween is often recommended as the perfect occasion for making your first public appearance en femme. Costume parties provide a convenient excuse to dress, and if anyone recognizes you, you can always claim that you are simply getting into the spirit of the holiday.

But what if you have no party to attend?

Who says you need one?

Instead of sitting home waiting for an invitation that may never arrive, put on your favorite outfit, apply your makeup, grab your handbag and go out among the civilians. Halloween itself is the event and the whole world is the party.

You do not have to wear a costume. In fact, I suggest dressing as the woman you want to be rather than as a comic exaggeration of one. Wear something attractive and appropriate for wherever you plan to go. You can visit a shopping mall, browse a department store, stop for coffee, enjoy dinner at a restaurant or take in a movie. Even a simple trip to the pharmacy can become a memorable adventure when it is your first time out en femme.

Halloween provides a little extra protection for the nervous beginner. People are accustomed to seeing unusual clothing, elaborate makeup and unexpected characters. If someone reads you, they will probably assume that your feminine presentation is your Halloween costume—and then continue with whatever they were doing.

Meanwhile, you get to experience something much more meaningful than attending a costume party. You get to walk through the real world as a woman.

At a party, everyone may stare because costumes are the evening’s entertainment. Out among the civilians, most people are too busy shopping, eating, talking or looking at their phones to pay much attention to you. You may discover that the frightening reactions you imagined never happen. The sales associate may call you “Ma’am.” Someone may hold a door for you. Another woman may compliment your dress, shoes or handbag.

You might even forget that you are supposed to be nervous.

If this is your first outing, make it easy on yourself. Choose a familiar, well-lit place where other people will be around. Go during daylight or early evening, know where you will park and avoid areas that become rowdy later at night. If possible, invite a supportive friend to accompany you. Most importantly, dress appropriately for your destination and behave as though you belong there because you do.

You need not spend the entire evening out. Promise yourself that you will walk through one store or order one cup of coffee. Once you have accomplished that, you can go home feeling victorious. Of course, you may feel so comfortable that one stop becomes two, and two stops become an entire evening.

Halloween may give you the excuse to open the door, but you must be the one willing to walk through it.

So, if no invitation arrives this Halloween, do not be disappointed. Create your own celebration. Get dressed, go out and mingle with the civilians.

The best Halloween party may be the one happening everywhere.

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Michel Serrault en femme in the French film La Cage aux Folles.

Halloween En Femme: The Good and the Bad

For many crossdressers, Halloween is the unofficial national holiday of crossdressing. It is the one day of the year when a man can wear a dress, heels, makeup and a wig in public without offering much of an explanation.

That makes a Halloween party an inviting place for a first public appearance en femme. However, Halloween has both advantages and disadvantages for the would-be femulator.

The Good

The greatest advantage is the ready-made excuse. If someone asks why you are dressed as a woman, the answer is obvious: “It’s Halloween.”

That excuse can provide enough courage to get a closeted crossdresser out the door for the first time. You can walk into a party wearing the outfit you have dreamed about wearing in public while telling yourself (and everyone else) that it is only a costume.

Halloween parties are also usually relaxed occasions. People expect unusual clothing, exaggerated makeup and characters who do not look the way they normally look. If your wig slips, your voice falters or you walk awkwardly in your heels, nobody is likely to care. Imperfection is part of the fun.

You may also discover that people react much more positively than you expected. Women may compliment your dress, makeup or legs. They may ask where you bought your shoes or offer to adjust your hair. Men may hold doors, offer you a seat or treat you differently simply because of the way you are presenting yourself.

For someone making a first appearance en femme, those little moments can be thrilling and educational. They may demonstrate that the fears keeping you in the closet were greater than the actual risks outside it.

Halloween also offers an opportunity to test your presentation. You can learn whether your shoes remain comfortable after several hours, whether your makeup survives a warm and crowded room and whether your outfit allows you to sit, walk and socialize gracefully.

Best of all, Halloween may provide your first taste of being accepted as a woman in a public setting. That experience can supply the confidence needed to venture out again when there is no Halloween costume to hide behind.

The Bad

The same costume excuse that makes Halloween comfortable can also work against you.

If you make too much of an effort, friends may wonder how you became so skilled at applying makeup, walking in heels and putting together a coordinated outfit. A borrowed dress, crooked wig and hairy legs suggest a joke. A perfectly fitted dress, polished nails, pierced ears and practiced feminine mannerisms may suggest that this is not your first rodeo.

You may receive questions such as, “Where did you learn to do your makeup?” or “How did you know your dress size?” Be prepared with answers or be prepared to smile mysteriously.

Another disadvantage is that some people assume a man dressed as a woman must be performing comedy. They may expect exaggerated gestures, a falsetto voice or behavior copied from a bad drag routine. If your goal is to present as an ordinary woman, being treated as the evening’s joke can be disappointing.

Alcohol can make matters worse. Someone who begins the evening with harmless teasing may become louder, more intrusive or less respectful after several drinks. A party guest may touch your wig, tug at your clothing or ask personal questions that would never be asked of a woman.

Photographs are another consideration. At a Halloween party, everyone has a phone, and party pictures can quickly appear online. Before attending, decide whether you are comfortable being photographed en femme and whether those pictures might be seen by relatives, neighbors or coworkers who do not know about your crossdressing.

There is also the temptation to overdo everything. Because it is Halloween, a crossdresser may choose the shortest skirt, highest heels, largest breasts and heaviest makeup available. That can be fun if an outrageous costume is the objective, but it does not teach much about presenting as a woman in everyday life.

Finally, the end of the evening can be bittersweet. After several happy hours en femme, removing the makeup and returning to male clothing may feel more difficult than expected. Halloween can open a door that you may not be eager to close again.

Making It a Treat

If you plan to attend a Halloween party en femme, decide beforehand what you want from the experience. Do you want to create an amusing costume, make a glamorous entrance or find out how it feels to socialize as a woman?

Dress for that goal, but also dress appropriately for the party. Wear shoes you can walk in, clothing you can sit in and makeup that will last. Arrange safe transportation, limit your alcohol and think twice before consenting to photographs.

Most importantly, enjoy yourself.

Halloween offers something rare: permission to try a different presentation without making a public declaration about who you are. For many crossdressers, it is the first step from the safety of the closet into the civilian population.

The Halloween excuse may get you through the door, but the confidence you gain can remain long after the jack-o’-lanterns have disappeared.

And if everyone tells you that you make a very convincing woman, just smile and say, “Beginner’s luck.”

Wearing Ann Taylor

Nick Kroll

Stuff 135: Thrifting

By JJ Atwell

Inexpensive Shopping

Have you ever gone thrift-store shopping for your girl self? I see two big attractions: the thrill of the hunt and the huge potential savings.

I was recently introduced to thrifting by the wife of a good CD friend, and I’m hooked! As an aside, this is one of the unexpected benefits of belonging to a local crossdressing group: you get to learn from others—not just other CDs, but their partners, too.

Thrill of the Hunt

When I was little, I used to accompany my dad on our weekly runs to the dump. This was long before sanitary landfills and transfer stations. Dumps were where people brought trash and things they no longer needed or wanted. It wasn’t uncommon for us to come home with something someone else had discarded but that we decided we could use. Remember the saying, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? We found treasures.

At a thrift store, you’re searching for a crossdresser’s treasure, but the hunt can be a little messy. You may be confronted by row after row of clothing arranged roughly by type and size—and every item is one of a kind. Where do you start?

At Goodwill, first look for the sign identifying the current sale color. Items with tags of that color are half off the marked price, making them a double bargain.

If you enter the store looking for a particular type of garment, you can head straight for that section. For example, perhaps you want a pair of casual, wide-leg pants, which is what JJ was seeking on a recent visit. Just go to the women’s pants section and search through the size you need. Then scan the racks to see whether any colors or patterns catch your eye. I managed to find four pairs of wide-leg pants that fit perfectly.

Found something? Great! But wait—is it the right size? Does it have any imperfections, such as excessive wear, stains or other marks? Examine it carefully before placing it in your cart.

Speaking of size, your local thrift store may not have a dressing room. If it doesn’t, you’ll need to be good at judging how something will fit just by looking at it. Try holding the garment against yourself to see whether the length is right and the waist looks as though it will fit.

Savings

While you’re there, be sure to look at items that may not be on your shopping list. You might be surprised by what you find. Perhaps you weren’t specifically looking for a prom dress—but what if that prom dress costs only $10? Or how about a sequined top with a matching scarf for $7?

You’ll probably leave the store with things you never expected to buy when you walked in. Prices are excellent, and you can find some wonderful pieces that coordinate with clothes already in your wardrobe. A recent thrift-store excursion added eleven items to JJ’s closet for only $80. Even if a few of them don’t quite work out, that’s still a bargain.

Bonus

Thrift shopping offers another bonus: you get to observe lots of bargain-hunting women—and possibly other CDs—in their native habitat. Between that experience and the savings, it’s a BOGO!

On one thrifting excursion, I visited three different shops with two other members of my local group and their significant others. While browsing, it occurred to me that our situation might be unusual: there we were, three crossdressers in the same store.

Then another thought occurred to me: were there only three?

Yes, there were three of us for sure—but how many other CDs were shopping there at the same time? I feel fairly certain that we crossed paths with at least one. I’m equally certain that we weren’t the only CDs ever to visit a thrift store.

I’ll Be Back

I’ll be back with more Stuff in the next installment. Comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more Stuff, so let me know what you would like to read about.

Wearing Shein

Lena from Australia

I have no words