Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Just Good Enough

I hope you enjoyed the long weekend break and the respite from my Hamvention stories. Despite the break, I did receive a few e-mails about my Hamvention experiences.

Beth wrote, "Thank you for reporting to us what sorts of responses you are getting from the ham populous… All I can say is that I continue to be amazed that you are accepted to the point that you are made to feel comfortable.  Quite simply, you continue to inspire."

My response was (more or less), "Thank you for your nice comments, Beth.

"I still find it hard to believe that the general population is so open-minded that they accept a tranny (me) in their midst all the time.

"I think I can attribute my success at being accepted to my ability to look just good enough so that people who might wonder about my cisgender are unsure and afraid to take that great leap and accuse me of being a man in a dress.

"For example, when I attended my first banquet at Hamvention, I was one of the first arrivals and was seated by myself. Two guys joined me; one was wearing a cowboy hat (atypical for southwestern Ohio) and the other was dressed like the trucker he actually was in a character T-shirt and jeans. They were both from Wyoming.

"In my mind, it was not the best case scenario. But we had pleasant chats throughout the evening and they treated me like a lady never giving the slightest hint that they had a clue.

"When I attended my second banquet at Hamvention, I was seated with three married couples and three single guys. While seated, two of the wives briefly and very quietly exchanged words, but I was able to hear the gist of what they said. One wife asked the other something about me ("her") and the other wife shrugged and said, "I don't know."

"Were they wondering about my cisgender or were they wondering if I was dating their friend, who was the guy who invited me to sit at their table or what? Whatever the case, they did not seem to have any problem with me.

"My life sure is interesting, if I say so myself!"

Professional femulator, circa 1955.


Wearing Vince (top), Calvin Klein Collection (skirt) and Pour La Victoire (shoes).


  1. Stana,

    I think you nailed it. I find that I pass just enough that no one stares. But, when I am shopping, guys will "linger" near me, for no apparent reason. I think they are curious and trying to figure me out. I also had a guy say, "you must do a lot of weight-lifting", but the way he said it made me think he honestly was trying to flirt. But, everyone uses the proper pronoun (at least so far). I did have a guy in a Goodwill Store give me the evil eye, as if to say, "how dare you come here dressed like a woman." But, that is the only really negative thing that has happened. I think you display a lot of grace and courage, and that certainly helps. Personality helps too. I tend to be shy, and a have a deep bass voice that is hard to mask, so the combo keeps me silent Le saying little in my interactions with others.

    1. Lisa --- Meg of Call Me Meg fame once mentioned to me that Number 1 on her list of desired super powers was the ability to read people's minds. It's Number 1 on my list, too!

  2. Hello Stana,

    After a lot of reflection (and personal experience), I have come to conclude that other people around you will only reflect what you feel inside. The moment one accepts herself as a woman unconditionally, everyone around will reflect the same. Many a times, we as transwomen are unsure about ourselves, thinking we don't look as good as cis-gender women and that will be the cause for someone to figure us out. But a person's looks are only a part of the equation. There is no standard cookie cutter cis-gender image that people come across in day to day life. Women come in all shapes and sizes and looks too!

    Therefore, one has to hold her head high, be in complete acceptance of her feminine self, let that inner confidence as a woman shine through and the world around you will treat you the same way you want to be treated- as a lady! :)


    1. Yes, Jess. If you are nervous in your skin, people pick up on that and might try to figure out why. If you are comfortable in your skin, they will be comfortable with you and will accept you without question.

  3. I think too we are all very insecure to the point of thinking every whisper or glance has to be something negative being said about us.
    I had a genetic gf one time tell me "For God sake's Cyrsti, do you always think it has to be about you?"

  4. Stana,

    I do think that much of the general population has reached the point where they are slower to assume a person's status and more open to letting people express themselves as they see fit. As long as you are neatly dressed (and you always are) and present no physical threat, most folks will tolerate any perceived differences rather than offend and put themselves at risk of being considered small minded.

    When you and I were growing up the thought of men with long hair was shocking. Then the Beatles came along and then the Stones and then Woodstock and things evolved from there. A generation ago some folks had tattoos. Now extensive body art that would have been shocking years ago barely turns a head.

    The more that folks like us get out and about and mixing with the civilian population the less likely anyone will take issue with us. I also think that our ability to get out and about is enhanced by the general confusion that many people have about the entire gender spectrum. You have tapped into your basic core personna as a woman. Some have transitioned. Others are occasional cross-dressers. It may be hard for civilians to tell the difference and when in doubt they are more at ease merely being accepting of us.


    1. Pat --- I agree. Most civilians are unsure and too polite to ask, although I have run into a few rude people who do ask.