Tuesday, January 13, 2015

It’s complicated


Ann Onamus left the following comment to yesterday's post:

I was wondering if you are considering going full time as a woman this year? You love to shop, educate, go to meetings etc and talk about it on the website. I'm sure the people who follow you on this site would like to know as well as myself.

Dear Ann,

I am a woman full time; I just don't dress as a woman full-time. I would prefer to dress as a woman full-time, but it's complicated.

In deference to my spouse, I dress as a male at home and when I am out with the family. (My spouse married a male and I am committed to being a male for her no matter how feminine that male may be.)

When I am out alone, I usually dress as a female.

My employer made it clear that I can dress as a female at work, but I have not discussed this with my spouse yet. If I make any progress toward dressing full-time this year, it will be on the work front.

My co-workers reaction to dressing as a woman at work would probably be a non-issue. I have dressed as a woman at work on five occasions: Halloweens 2000, 2003, and 2012-14 (see photo above).

The first few times (2000, 2003, 2012) created quite a stir. No one complained, but everyone wanted to see the new girl at work. The last two times (2013, 2014), except for new hires, few of my co-workers showed much interest in how I was dressed.

"Oh, is he dressed as a woman again? What else is new?"

Dressing as a woman at work full-time rather than just Halloween may raise a few eyebrows, but as my boss said when I told her I was trans, "I'm not surprised." And it will probably not surprise my other co-workers.





Source: MyHabit






A mid-1950s femulator.


  1. Two points.
    1) I like you selection of office attire. We are kindred spirits in our choice of styles.
    2) You seem to have a degree of freedom in getting out and about as long as you dress as a male while at home. My wife dreads and fears that all kinds of ill will befall me if I am out and about while dressed but she has come to accept that I will often be dressed while hanging out around the house.

  2. Hi Pat!
    1) The women in my office say I have great taste in my office attire!
    2) My wife used to worry about me going out en femme, but after more than 25 years of it, she does not worry anymore.

  3. hello stana - i have a couple of queries regarding your "fancy dress" work appearances (which i'm guessing is some kind of white-collar environment):

    1 - don't your colleagues ask you (well, at least female ones anyway, as men might think their masulinity and/or sexuality might be questioned in some way if they did): how come you seem to be very good at turning yourself into a woman, and enquire as to if there might be a bit more to it than the occasional halloween appearance?

    2 - do all (or even any of?) your female colleagues dress so smartly and glamourously for work? i suspect not in this day-and-age, where even most offices allow casual wear (which means it's far more likely trousers are worn rather than skirts and dresses)...

    gina v

    1. 1 - Believe it or not, no one, male or female, has ever asked.
      2 - There were about 15 females in my office (about 60 males). About half the women are engineers or programmers and they dress casually. The other half are office workers and they dress like office girls. Some (like me) dress nicer than others, so I definitely fit in with the office girls.

  4. stana thanks for the response

    it does seem a bit odd to me that not one colleague in a workplace of over 50 people is curious or motivated enough to ask why you are obviously so competent at something even many real women could (and do) struggle with. i don't know how many of them know her, but perhaps some assume it's all down to the efforts of your wife? but i would say it's more likely they're all just being polite, and talk about "that guy who needs the slightest excuse to wear a dress" outside of work... or even among their other colleagues?

    gina v

    ps - i also find it interesting that given the regularity of stana's public appearances, none have apparently seen her outside the workplace!