Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Doctor’s Orders

By Paula Gaikowski


The delight I experienced from spending several days en femme while in the UK was followed by a crash in emotions when reality set in after a few days back. The need for a girlcation day was evident, however getting out and about is always a bit tricky for me.

I decided to schedule an appointment with my therapist Dr. D and visit as my true self. So it was fun preparing for the appointment. Shopping at a new found Savers thrift store I found near work I scored big, with a tags still on pair of Gloria Vanderbilt black slacks, coordinated with a violet Vera Wang sweater.

The challenge for me was getting out of the house. Without going into details, I had to dress and leave my makeup and wig off and put the finishing touches on in a parking lot. I have to say I hated this. It made me feel like I was doing something sneaky and wrong. I love dressing and primping at home or in the hotel room where I can enjoy the experience. Here I was looking over my shoulder the whole time, so my makeup came out lousy and I just didn’t feel right.

The high point to getting dressed is always my nails. I have always used Kiss Press on Nails they come highly recommended and tested by the consumer engineers at Femulate World headquarters in bucolic central Connecticut. They are the best, no doubt.

There has been a dearth of these nails lately, probably in my humble opinion to the fact that more and more men are realizing that it’s much more fun to be a girl than chugging Busch Light and watching wrestling. So in frustration the other day, I opted for a set of IMpress Broadway Nails. Bad move girlfriends!

So there I was in the Mass Pike Park and Ride with a bad makeup job and my coiffure less than perfect. I open the package and the nails spring forth like feathers from a pillow fight. They wouldn’t stay on my fingers and kept falling into the most inaccessible crevasses they could find. Finally I got them to stick somewhat, but never had all ten on for very long. I then had to spend the better part of Saturday morning scouring the car like a CSI forensic technician looking for errant nails that would have been difficult to explain to my wife.

So all was not lost and I was able to finally get my girl on and enjoy the day. My first stop was a Savers location on the way into Boston. I didn’t find anything good here, but had a great time trying on a beautiful wedding gown (sigh).

Getting into Boston early, I parked and went over to Boston Medical Center café and enjoyed a cup of coffee. It always is exhilarating to walk through a busy campus like this and be seen as just another woman. I walked the two blocks over to my appointment and waited in a bright and cheery atrium.

There was an older gentlemen waiting for an appointment with his urologist. Broad shoulders and a weathered faced that foretold a lifetime spent working hard outdoors. A man not easily intimidated, here he was out of his out of his element. Nervously he engaged me in conversation,

“I drove all the way in from the Cape!” He let it hang there waiting for a response.

Knowing I had to reply, I offered “Hmmm, that’s quite a ride.”

That was all he needed and he was off and running,

“My wife and I use to live in Roslindale, raised four kids, all girls. We retired out to the Cape six years ago. I’m in for the flow test, every six months. I still drive in here to see, Dr Koldkuts. He’s one of the best in the country.”

I smiled back, “It’s great that you have such a good doctor. It’s hard to find good Doctors these days. Some of the best in the world are here.”

He had offered up a short bio and by now I’m sure he was curious about me. So he brashly asked, “So what are you here for? You waiting for your husband?”

For a brief moment the little red devil sat on my shoulder and I toyed with this response:

“Hell No! I’m here to see Dr. Koldkuts. Six months ago, I came in here a longshoreman with a kidney infection and he gave some new kind of drug. Now look at me; I’m working in the dress department at Nordstrom’s!”

But I didn’t, ladies, and truth be told I have too much respect for a man like that to rib him in such a manner. I thought about coming out, telling him I was transgender, but decided to play the part of the waiting wife.

“Yes, my husband’s here for the same test you are. How long does this take?”

Our conversation continued for almost 10 minutes. Using my feminine instincts I asked him about his daughters. I listen attentively as he proudly told me about his family and grandchildren.

It was a seemingly ordinary conversation that was to me extraordinary because I had taken my rightful spot in the universe as a woman.

It was good to see Dr. D and we talked about a lot of heavy stuff, but the one thing he made clear was that it just was plain unhealthy to keep Paula locked away and that I needed to make it a priority to get my girl time.

Who am I to argue with the Doctor!





Source: New York & Company

Wearing New York & Company.






Yet another photo of actor Ben Porter in the 2004 film School of Seduction.


  1. Paula
    I always enjoy reading your posted adventures here on Stana's site. This was one of your better renditions. I was wondering how you were going to handle the fellow in the waiting room. He wanted to believe you were a wife waiting for her husband and you pulled that off perfectly. It may have also been interesting if you had just laid him out with the truth.
    Another good job and another good posting.

  2. Dear Paula,

    'Twould be wonderful if your doc. was really Doc. Koldkuts! I know what you mean about nails. When I first began the tranny journey (as you Americans say) I seldom bothered about my nails, apart from a lick of paint. Then I discovered stick on ones, not the short ugly square ones which are en vogue. I favour long oval classic shaped ones and it's amazing how it changes one. Nails change one's --- well everything! I find I use my hand differently, I think femininely, is the descritption. I now, can't dream of gittin' oot 'n aboot without my nails. I'm not me until they're glued in place (super glue, only Loctite, the others are crap). They define who I am. I even have my gloves made to accommodate my longer claws. Long nails need practise. At the beginning, I knocked over countless glasses of wine etc. The extra centimetre need care but soon compensated for.

    If you haven't yet worn decently long ones, do it now. You'll never look back, except in a shop window, to see if your skirt is caught in your knickers!

  3. I can definitely relate to your experience
    There have been a few occasions where I was truthful
    When I was out dressed
    People, men and women were surprised that I wasn't a woman
    But I was equally surprised by their reaction
    I always assumed they d react in a less than positive way
    I was surprised that they weren't any less courteous, or polite had I not "revealed" myself
    In fact continue to treat me like they would treat any other woman
    Including those that sound similar to the gentleman that you had your conversation with at the doctors
    It's just when I'm thinking things arent gonna turn out the way I'd like them to
    It turns out to be a very pleasant experience
    It's times like these that restore my faith in humanity
    As far as getting more girl time, you're running out of time to have more girl time

  4. Paula, our freedom to be ourselves seems to be greater when we are out of our home environment, doesn't it? I don't plan on outing myself to my neighborhood anytime soon. I sympathize with your need to finish your dressing in the car - I've done this too and it's far from ideal.

  5. Hee hee...if only that kind of 'kidney medicine' actually existed.