On weekdays, I am up at 5:45 AM to get ready to go to work. I am the first one up and it is very quiet in the house with no distractions, so my mind wanders and wonders.
After a shave and a shower, I get dressed and as I pull up my briefs, I fantasize that I am pulling up a panty girdle and as I pull up my socks, I fantasize that I am pulling up pantyhose.
I have this same fantasy nearly everyday that I get dressed to go to work. I think it helps me maintain my Staci identity on those days I know I won't be en femme.
I often say that I am "trans-something" because I am not sure what I am. I don't feel comfortable identifying as transsexual, transgender, transvestite, transgenderist, crossdresser, etc. because none of those labels fit me like a T.
Parts of me scream "crossdresser," just as parts of me scream "transsexual," but there are other parts that whisper "crossdresser... not" and "transsexual... not." Even the label I invented, femulator, does not say it all for me.
I think part of it is I don't want to be pigeon-holed or rather I don't want to pigeon-hole myself. Like Groucho Marx said, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
I think more of it has to do with the fact that we are all unique and we do not fit perfectly in any pigeon hole. I know I certainly don't feel that I fit perfectly in any of the trans pigeon holes because I see parts of me in the other trans pigeon holes.
So, I have concluded that I am not trans-something, rather I am Staci.