Friday, August 21, 2009

on my mind on Friday

On weekdays, I am up at 5:45 AM to get ready to go to work. I am the first one up and it is very quiet in the house with no distractions, so my mind wanders and wonders.

After a shave and a shower, I get dressed and as I pull up my briefs, I fantasize that I am pulling up a panty girdle and as I pull up my socks, I fantasize that I am pulling up pantyhose.

I have this same fantasy nearly everyday that I get dressed to go to work. I think it helps me maintain my Staci identity on those days I know I won't be en femme.


I often say that I am "trans-something" because I am not sure what I am. I don't feel comfortable identifying as transsexual, transgender, transvestite, transgenderist, crossdresser, etc. because none of those labels fit me like a T.

Parts of me scream "crossdresser," just as parts of me scream "transsexual," but there are other parts that whisper "crossdresser... not" and "transsexual... not." Even the label I invented, femulator, does not say it all for me.

I think part of it is I don't want to be pigeon-holed or rather I don't want to pigeon-hole myself. Like Groucho Marx said, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

I think more of it has to do with the fact that we are all unique and we do not fit perfectly in any pigeon hole. I know I certainly don't feel that I fit perfectly in any of the trans pigeon holes because I see parts of me in the other trans pigeon holes.

So, I have concluded that I am not trans-something, rather I am Staci.


  1. Bravo. Here is to a label free world.

  2. This will be a two in one comment. I was curious as to why you had a dozen comments on the short post regarding wig selection (I think that the one on the right would be great with your face, age and style), and only a short 'atta girl' from Petra on the above very well written and thought provoking post.

    I suspect that 'labeling' has addled many of us who follow your blog and other similar writers. Are we gender blessed...gender confused...gender gifted...gender dsyphoric...? Was I a transvestite decades ago when I first realized the joys of dressing? Did I morph into a crossdresser when this term become a somewhat less perjorative word for transvestite? I offer kudos for coming up with the term 'femulate'. That concept seems to capture some of the joy, pleasure and stress relief that I, and perhaps many others, get from dressing and the rituals involved in stretching the boundaries of conventional gender presentation.

    Labels are difficult concepts. At times there is a benefit to adopting a label. It could help one become part of a group. It could help one with their own sense of self identification. I think, however, that more often than not, a label is restrictive and is used as a means of control or embarassment.

    Trying to pigeonhole someone into a pre-formed label, even on that has positive group identification, is somewhat freedom restricting. A trans-inclusive label may well be as much of a mis-nomer as the concept of 'one-size fits all pantyhose'. Sounds good...almost sounds like it could work and solve problems. I suspect there may be others who feel that no single 'label' fits them at all times...much the same as many of us know that concept of 'one-size pantyhose' is on its best days only a marketing gimmick.

    I appreciate your blog because you have a great ability to communicate what is on your mind. You do not pretend to have all the answers for your own issues or for others.

    I am an early riser and my gender duality wakes up with me. Most days I can wear panties and pantyhose. It helps keep me feeling good (although it has been too hot to wear pantyhose under pants for the past few weeks). On 'boxer short' days I am left with a feeling of marginal incompleteness.

    We are all unique. God bless you and keep up all your good work.

  3. I'd say a lot of Folks, have those Feelings.

    On a Bad Hair Day,
    and secondly,When the Leg hair, just won't go away..rare is the Woman, that hasn't said , "I wish ,I was a man"

    All that can be done is Donn a Hat, after a can of Hair Spray and Wear Pants to the Office.


    Now, if I've completely missed the point, Well, how in the world, would I know what goes through the mind, of a Guy, in a dress.


    You do have a very nice read here. Keep it up.

  4. dear staci,i do exactly what you do i always get up early and as i have all my lingerie all ready i take it downstairs and put all my lingerie on and under my pjs so no one will notice what i am wearing and after they all leave i put my work clothes over them and i go out to i am alwayd dressed in lingerie.