Wednesday, April 26, 2023

Why I am girly

I easily fill a B cup and enjoy wearing a bra without padding or falsies. I always assumed that my ladylike breasts were due to Gynecomastia and/or too many female hormones. Let me explain.

My mother had a miscarriage before she had me. Back then, physicians prescribed Diethylstilbestrol (DES) to prevent future miscarriages.

Did my mother take DES? She is deceased, so I will never know. But, if she did take DES, then that may explain why I am the way I am.

DES can cause feminization of the male fetus and some studies suggest that otherwise-male children exposed to DES before birth may be more likely to be transsexual women than otherwise-male children who have not been exposed.

Although I will never know if my mother took DES, there are other indications that she did. For example, I have Gynecomastia and although the causes of common Gynecomastia remain uncertain, it has generally been attributed to an imbalance of sex hormones, that is, too much estrogen.

In addition to Gynecomastia, I am more womanly than the average guy in other ways. For example, my mannerisms and speech patterns have feminine traits and my thoughts and emotions are more feminine than masculine.

A few years ago, I was doing outreach with three transsexuals at a local college and a student asked how the transsexuals' hormone regimen affected them. All three transsexuals admitted that they became more emotional after they began their hormone regimen, for example, one stated that she never cried at movies before taking hormones, but after taking hormones, she cried at movies all the time. I spoke up that I never took hormones and that I cry at movies all the time!

An overabundance of female hormones may be the cause of my proclivity for the feminine. And my parents may have nurtured that proclivity.

Dad was absent in my early life working two jobs to support his wife and kids. Mom cherished her firstborn child (me), coddled and pampered me and instilled in me many traits that were considered “feminine.” With Dad absent early-on, Mom was all I had to model myself after and that I did, which just compounded my feminization."

I had two strikes against me (too many female hormones and too little male role modeling) and when my third opportunity to swing came, I just stood there with the bat on my shoulder and was called out (of the male gender) on a called third strike.

I did not bother swinging because I liked myself. I was very satisfied with the results of the first two strikes. I liked the way things were turning out. I did not mind being a girly boy.

Except for some abuse from bullies and rejection by their female followers, being a girly boy was a pretty good deal. I could partake in whatever boy or girl pursuits interested me and not have to worry about tarnishing my image.

And when I took up the male pursuit of female impersonation, I found that I excelled at it because I already spoke and acted like a lady, took to the art of cosmetics like a swan takes to water and could fill a bra without any padding.

And so it goes.

Source: Venus
Wearing Venus

Femulating in the 1920’s
Femulating in the 1920’s


  1. I like the baseball metaphor in your case Stana. Well done.
    Angel Amore

  2. We do have so much in common Stana,

    My Mom had me when she was 40 years old, and in 1959 this was considered a high risk, now my Mom never said she took DES but she did say that Dr. took special care with her. Just many of the comments she made about her pregnancy over the years make's me strongly suspect she took DES. Also living in the New York metro area, was an area of the country where DES was heavily prescribed. Also in 1959 DES was at it's height of use.

    I too have gynecomastia, I never could go shirtless without drawing stares. My father and brother didn't have this issue even when over weight, and we had the same builds otherwise. I too fit perfectly into a B cup. It's very validating.

    I also have a digit ratio (fingers) similar to female. If you don't know what this is google "digit ratio transgender"

    I like you was always attracted to female or girly things. I started cross-dressing at 8 years old whenever I was alone.

    I learned to cook and sew, some may remember my article here on Femulate "Sew What" when I saved the day by altering a bridesmaid dress.

    I also cry at movies.

    However I learned there wasn't any tolerance for "sissy boys" I was caught cross-dressng and had fear put into me. So I hid it.

    My transgender feelings are SO strong I have no doubt something is wired differently inside me.

    I believe it is DES, just think about it DES is a type of estrogen and the amount given to women increased the level of estrogen in their uterus exponentially. So here we were as fetuses swimming in a pool of girl water!

    The pharmaceutical companies are quick to silence any research or info on DES most law suits are settled with NDA's

    There is also an attitude in the transgender community that wanting to know what made you transgender is some how transphobic. So any discussion is often shouted down.

    So as DES fades in importance as the victims age out we will probably never know for sure but I believe DES is what made me Girly.

    Here is a list of links about transgender and DES

    Paula Gaikowski

    1. Paula
      How is finding out that what made me transgender was totally beyond my control and fighting it is a complete wasted of time transphobic?
      Now I know I cannot beat it all I can do is enjoy my feminine side

  3. Although I lack the blessing of B cups (and all that goes with it), I was definitely a DES baby. I wonder if that's the cause of my inclinations, but I don't have access to a large enough pool to acquire more than anecdotal evidence.

    1. I doubt we ever will know for sure, as DES affected boomers and as most of us never came out as transgender. So the number of available persons just isn't there. There also doesn't seem to be an interested in finding out from either side. Paula G

  4. DES , me too !!!!!!!!!

  5. Also I forgot to add that I had undescended testicle‘s as a baby which is a sign of exposure to DES

    Paula G

  6. I have no proof of any of my suppositions. All I know is I was Child #2 (and Boy #2) and my mother really wanted a daughter. That's it. If this came into play, if this affected my attitudes and proclivity for cross dressing, I don't know. My mother passed away 20 years ago so I will never know.

    1. I had the same experience; second male child born fourteen months after the first. Kid sister was born eleven years later, so she is out of the narrative. I probably heard too much from her because I ended up crying one night that she did not love me because I was not a girl. I had donned one of her nylon nightgowns while I was crying. She did the motherly thing and hugged me. She said she would never say that again, and she did not. However it was evident that she did not like me as the discipline handed out by her was more severe and more often than what my older brother got. Her first born was her favorite child.

  7. I have no idea if I had exposure to DES. But I do have some level of gynecomastia I believe. I too wear and fill a B cup. For most of my life I denied my femininity and my chest was a great source of embarrassment to me. Once I finally stopped denying my femininity and put on that bra, I stopped hating my chest. I LOVE wearing my bra and wear it as much as possible.

  8. I asked my mother about DES and she said she did not take it. She had a miscarriage in 1956. I was her first child born in 1957. I did not start puberty until I was 17. Gym class and showers were mandatory from 7th to 12th grade. It was a nightmare. The relentless teasing was off the charts for me. Then when I did start puberty I got gynecomastia. Another nightmare. My anxiety was off the charts. I hated every single second of gym class. The gynecomastia went away after a couple of years.
    At 60 it came back. I have a huge hormonal imbalance. Im 12 pounds overweight now and it went straight to my chest and hips. I wear a 38C bra. I wear a sports bra to flatten my chest when in boy mode. I’m beginning to wonder if she did take DES. The bad news is I wear a bra most all the time now. The good news is I wear a bra most all the time now😃

  9. Stana, I know when I go out en femme I sometimes play with the size of my chest...admittedly I like going a little bigger sometimes. Even though you don't have to pad, do you ever find yourself doing it for certain outfits or to feel that extra bit of feminine energy?

  10. Whether or not mom took DES, she and you took DES...
    What is DES and Why You Should Care - Hormones Matter
    In addition to diethylstilbestrol use in humans, it was used widely in farm animals to fatten up the chickens and cattle, beginning in the early 1950s and through the 1970s. DES was found to cause cancer and interestingly enough, cause gynecomastia (man boobs) and sterility in the poultry workers.

    Researching DES and inflammation and depression...

  11. Left-handedness has been linked to high fetal exposure to oestrogens on the basis of left-handedness being associated with diethylstilbestrol exposure (Schachter, 1994; Scheirs and Vingerhoets, 1995). Left-handedness may therefore be thought of as a proxy for high intrauterine exposure to oestrogens.

    And yes I am the only one in my family left hand too!
    Paula Gaikowski

    1. Paula, I read with great interest your initial post about DES and I too will never know the answer if my Mom ever took it. All I can recall was my mother saying how difficult it was and she did not think that she and my father would ever be parents. I did wind up as an only child. While I don't think I would strictly fit into a diagnosis of gynecomastia I have always had what I thought was way more breast tissue than most of the other kids and I always felt more comfortable with a shirt on even while swimming and still to this day.

      I had not heard of Digit Ratio and transgender, what I mostly found were some extremely deep, extensive studies that were somewhat over my head. Correction, way over my head! What I did seem sift out of that deluge of information, I may have that as an identifier as well.

      I can't say I was attracted to girly things as a youngster, I diligently tried all the sports, baseball, football, etc. but did not have much natural talent and probably even less interest in them. However I always was secretly envious of everything that girls wore. I loved the way skirts and dresses looked and I really loved long hair. TV arrived where I lived rather late as a result I spent a great deal of time at the movies. No doubt I enjoyed a good shoot 'em up western, but what I also enjoyed was seeing the splendid costumes of the dance hall girls and just fantasize what it would be like to wear something like that. I also would continue that thought on just about every movie I went to... what would it be like to wear their clothes. Never understood why my male friends did not share that interest. Now crying in movies, ha! That continues to this day to include television, it is so bad I will not go to any movie that I suspect is even the least bit of a tearjerker. Ditto for TV.

      Did not have the chance for any meaningful cross dressing until I started working in my late teens. In the mean time I would read the ink off of any article that addressed the subject that I could get my hands on. When I was able to see the move "Some Like It Hot", I was in heaven seeing it 4 times on one weekend.

      Now, I just read in your most recent reply of a link for left-handedness... YIKES!! I am the only one in our family that is left handed. This is to include my parents, grandparents, my parents siblings and their children, I am he only south paw.

      Guess I will never really figure out this journey I have made so far, but here I am!!

      Thanks for the info and thanks to Stana for this great site.


  12. Thanks all for sharing your stories. I am jealous for all these natural Bs and Cs! But happy to be a lefty and a nice A cup...but often augmented. :)

  13. I have what is known as 46XY/47XXY mosaicism, meaning some but not all of my cells have an extra X chromosome. This imparts both feminine physical and mental traits. Like a lot of others here, it seems I was destined to live my life in this middle space!

  14. Is there any history of those impacted by DES being attracted to men?

  15. Where our Mom's used DES , I have read that research says we can have a partial female brain and this is why most people don't understand us .

  16. AnonymousJuly 12, 2023

    Stana, your story is my story, except B cup bras are too small for me!. I was born after a still birth and while I will never know if DES was involved, I too developed moderate gynecomastia at age 13 that turned into full female breasts in adulthood and decided I would not have reduction surgery. And as life has gone on, I have noticed I am "more female" than my male friends. Actually, I have several female friends I am closer to than male friends and I interact with these female friends more like woman to woman than man to woman. They treat me and trust me as if I am a woman. I know things about them their husbands don't even know. Very girly things. While I identify as male, I suspect I am really gender fluid because there is a definitely feminine streak in me, not only mentally but physically as well. I unconsciously femulate every day. Its just baked in me.