Monday, April 24, 2023

He’s the Mother

In my retirement, I have become a housewife mainly because my spouse abandoned that role as her health deteriorated. I perform all of the chores a housewife performs including cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, sewing, etc. In addition, I also perform all of the chores that a husband performs including yard work, house maintenance and fixing what is broken.

I imagine there are a lot of girls like me who are similarly situated performing the housewife role to some degree (or totally). But how many trans girls perform the role of mother? 

My daughter flew the coop years ago, but when she lived in our home, I unknowingly filled in as her mother. By “unknowingly” I mean that I was parenting as best as I could without realizing that I was mothering more than fathering. 

My wife often commented that I should have been the mother. Since I took after my mother in so many ways, I assume that my parenting skills were more on the distaff side of the tracks, too.

I wonder if other girls like us were more motherly rather than fatherly. It makes sense that we would be since we are feminine in so many other ways.

And so it goes.

Source: New York & Company
Wearing New York & Company

Joe femulating at the family Christmas Eve dinner in 1980.


  1. Stana
    Some time ago I read that a Native American tribe believed that that some like us is a Brave born with a womans spirirt in him
    Your article confirms that

    1. Yes a Twin or Two Spirit person.

  2. I as a man had to perform housewife duties as well as the chores as a husband before my wife passed away. And it got intense towards the end of her life when she had to use a bed pan so she could relieve herself. Around the house and the yard I wear dresses as I find them more comfortable except for certain tasks such as climbing a ladder. So, Stanley (Stana) I understand what you are going through.


  3. Seem's like this is a familiar theme with us girls. Perhaps just a natural inclination that takes over. I have many typical male friends who seem to be hapless and just unwilling when it comes to domestic duties.

    I found it humorous when a my neighbor asked my wife "who will take care of me" when she was away visiting my daughter.

    I like you have taken over cooking, cleaning, laundry and also a full slate of outside maintenance, cars, yard work, shoveling, computers etc.

    I have to say it is satisfying to a point however not identifying openly as female while expressing my domestic nature makes me a bit resentful.

    Paula Gaikowski

  4. One another point, Oh my gosh who is Joe? First comment Joe is NOT a civilian. Joe looks every bit a stylish and pretty woman. Great legs BTW

    What is the back story here? Gosh it was 1980 the dark ages and Joe was in her glory what happen to you Joe????

  5. My spouse has always enjoyed the fixing, building and maintenance around the house. So while she does that, I cook, clean and do laundry. It's been that way for over 25 years and we're both very happy - especially when I can do my chores while dressed appropriately.

  6. Joe femulating looks just Awesome , such an encouragment .

  7. I retired while my wife was still working full days several days a week. She was a teacher and did not drive a car due to a visual impairment. So, the routine was I dropped her off and picked her up. I always donned the "June Cleaver" look, as I called it; dress, hosiery and heels and all the proper undergarments. A wig but no makeup as that was too time consuming. I spent the day doing all the domestic chores; meal preparation and baking, laundry and ironing, vacuuming, changing bed linens, etc. Of course, there was time to eat my breakfast and lunch inside and outside in the backyard, weather permitting. It was terrific and my days were productive. Then my wife decided to retire too! Ugh.

  8. That picture of "Joe" is suspicious.
    The face looks like it was superimposed onto the image. The shadow of the hair looks different than the hair. The glasses have no shadow, but the hands do have a shadow.
    Did Joe have photoshop in 1980? :)

  9. Rachel McNeillApril 28, 2023

    My wife and I bent the societal norms before Rachel ever became a routine part of our lives. I've always done laundry, cooking and grocery shopping, although for years when I had a long commute, my wife took over 80% of the workload. Now that I'm retired, I pretty much perform all the stereotypically "female" roles. Sometimes it's Rachel, sometimes it's me in boy-mode. In either case, it just feels right.

    My wife has long worked in real estate and construction, and takes care of the yard-work and deals with all the contractors. She wields the power-tools too. She has her own chain-saw. I bought myself a Dyson vacuum-cleaner for Christmas. How glamorous is that?

    Hey, it's worked for us for 35 years.