Friday, April 21, 2023

Is it safe?

I have not been out since I had surgery. I missed two opportunities (lunch with the ladies and an outreach at a college) because of a family issue and a health issue. My knee surgery is not an issue, so I am ready and willing to go out en femme, but is it safe?

In the past, I did not think twice about going anywhere and everywhere en femme, but reading a report about a gay couple who were attacked in Times Square gives me pause.  

I pass most of the time I go out. At least I never get called out as a “man in a dress” (or worse) because I believe that my presentation is good enough so that if anyone thinks something is amiss, they will think twice about confronting me because they might be wrong.

I probably have nothing to fear, but with all the hate and guns and haters with guns out there, I have to be careful (and so should you).

Source: Bustle
Wearing Lanvin (suit), La Perla (bodysuit) and Chanel (earrings).

Peter Scolari
Peter Scolari femulating on television’s Bosom Buddies.


  1. This boggles my mind. The vitriole at all levels of society, mostly in the US but also in other parts of the world, is grotesque and is representative of the general disintegration of the unspoken civic pact that used to make coexistence viable. On the topic at hand, here in what is both affectionately and derisively called the left coast of Canada, we have fewer worries of such things but even we are not immune to random acts of unhinged behaviour. That being said, my heels are staying on my feet and not in the closet!

  2. Canada is just as broken and has the same issues and we have 2 spirit to add to LBGQT. 2SLGBQT. We have people dieing of Fentanyl overdose everyday, stabbings, shootings, homocide drivers and subway killers. We do have Reitmans that offers stylish clothes for women but didnt see any skirts. Only femulators are wearing them now. I want a diamond print skirt Stana wore years ago but nowhere to be found. B

  3. Melissa RobertsApril 21, 2023

    I just read Stana's post and then went to read the news and found this perhaps we should be worried...

  4. Stana

    I have not been out much since the pandemic, the pandemic in back surgery along with recovery has kept me indoors for the last two years, I like you I am ready to go out in public again but I also sense somethings different out there, before most people assumed we were women , now they seem to be looking for transgender people and some of them out there have a hateful agenda

    Paula G

  5. Is it safe? There's a question and one, quite probably, that minority people have been struggling with for many years.

    There seems to be a weird disconnect between what's broadcast in there media and the everyday world. On the one hand, there's much bile, hate, and nonsense spewed forth about trans and gender nonconforming people, yet out in society, it's mostly okay.

    I said mostly because there's a growing level of abuse and violence, emboldened by the hateful rhetoric of bigots.

    Where you shop, who you vote for, and who you support; please don't back haters.

  6. Stana,
    When I go out (once per month-ish), I do not notice any change in people's behavior toward me in the southern US. I have heard expressions of more alarm at people pushing agenda, and at young people applying peer pressure to be LGBT. I do not know how true any of that is. In any case, people do not give me rudeness or hate when I am out and about.


  7. I think we are pretty safe here, but there is always a chance for a nut case. I just pay attention to my surroundings.
    In my over 20 of being out I haven’t had a problem other than verbal harassment, once it was by a group of gays and another time we were not waited on and both instances were in Provincetown.

  8. I go out regularly and have not been aware of any dangers in my area. Not to say there AREN'T any, but I have not encountered any. But -- I'm not going to wait until I get attacked to realise the possibility of danger. I've been told by my female Sister Friends that I pass well enough in public, but I'm not going to let that lull me into a false sense of the times - very dengerous times. Thank you for the reminder.

  9. I don't think ANYONE is as safe as they used to be

  10. Wow -Wearing Lanvin (suit), La Perla (bodysuit) and Chanel (earrings). Love It !

  11. Rachel McNeillApril 28, 2023

    Living in the DC Area, I feel pretty safe. There are enough TG people around here that we're hardly a novelty any longer. I can pass, if one isn't paying much attention, which is a benefit of being an older woman. Men just don't notice women once they reach a certain age.

    I realize that it only takes one unhinged person with a fixation or a grudge to ruin my day, so I constantly practice "situational awareness" and always have an exit strategy when I'm someplace public.