Monday, May 13, 2019

Sitting to Pee: Here, There and Everywhere

By Starla Renee Trimm

Reading Stana’s discussion of her travels and the inevitable topic of restroom use when on the road in feminine garb (no one thinks about or discusses bathrooms more than T-girls) brought some memories into focus.

Back in the day, in my healthy years when I had a life and actually went places, I took quite a few road trips en femme. As I passed most of the time, I never had any serious problem using the ladies’ room pretty much anywhere. (And we didn't yet have reactionary politicians trying to pass laws making it a capital offense to simply pee in an appropriate facility.) Nevertheless, when travelling in unfamiliar places (especially here in the South), better safe than sorry.

What I would do when my bladder was crying uncle was to seek out a gas station/convenience store — not the large 7-11 type enterprises, but the smaller businesses that only had a small kiosk type island housing cashiers and a limited array of junk food and beer. Why? Because such facilities usually had small bathrooms that required key access. Besides the fact that they could only be used by one customer at a time eliminating the possibility of a negative encounter in the restroom itself, there still remained the remote chance that someone might see me entering or exiting the thing, have doubts as to my gender status and make a fuss.

Having to request the key gave me an "excuse" in the event of a confrontation. If they handed me the key to the little girls' potty (as was the case almost 100% of the time), I figured I was passing well and pretty safe inasmuch as I could always protest that, hey, that was the key the clerk gave me, so I assumed that was the bathroom I was directed to use.

And since even in male mode in such situations, I was sometimes given the ladies' room key simply because the boys' room was (a) out of order, (b) on the verge of being declared a toxic waste cleanup site or (c) occupied by a leisurely squatter who was taking his dear time while, as my Momma used to say, "my back teeth are floating" — the notion of being perceived as male, yet directed verbally or tacitly to the ladies' loo was not inconceivable. Maybe I was overthinking things by coming up with such complex planning, but you never know.

In any case, my confidence in such a scheme was bolstered and solidified on one road trip when my gas tank was on "close to fumes" and my bladder on "dam about to burst" as I entered the little hamlet of Waynesboro, Georgia ("The Bird Dog Capital of the World"). My only option for topping one tank off and emptying the other was the rather shabby looking enterprise at the center of town, manned by several bearded good ol’ boys in overalls, chawin’ tabaccy and generally perpetuating the “seedy side of Mayberry” stereotype.

Well, between having that brassy boldness that prior positive encounters produced, as well as the point of no return risk of an impending flood under my denim skirt, I did not even hesitate to stride into the place, flash a sweet smile at the Head Bubba and ask for the bathroom key. Whatever tiny residual concern remained that had not yet been overridden by urological distress was quickly dispelled as the dude handed me the ladies’ room key with a wink and a smile (and, I think, a bit of a leer), drawling “There ya go, darlin’.”

For once, I was far more comforted than offended by such sexist behavior!

Source: Veronica Beard
Wearing Veronica Beard

Jerick Hoffer (aka Jinkx Monsoon)
Jerick Hoffer (aka Jinkx Monsoon) femulating in television's Capitol Hill.


  1. AnonymousMay 13, 2019

    "If you can 'make (insert type of 'business')it here, you can make 'it' anywhere! Velma in NC

  2. AnonymousMay 13, 2019

    Dont over-think this! Just own it, just DO it!
    The odds of a confrontation are low, given the lack of published stories.
    If you are confronted by a civilian, just ignore them, if they somehow persist, invite them to call the cops. After all, you will be heading back to your car, and have no obligation to stop, and soon you will be long gone. Usually, if a call for police service is made, through 911, the caller is asked by the operator for their name and to verify their phone number, (they probably already have the info, they are asking to verify), THIS is where the caller usually gets 'cold feet' and the caller hangs up. Problem solved.
    If the matter ever were to escalate, it is 'your' word against 'theirs'. Furthermore, the cops want NO PART of this matter. 'He said, She said' and 'Did too' versus 'did NOT' is just a headache.
    Regardless of what you project inside your own mind, there is NO 'wiener police' --not even here in NC--.
    Lets say, the issue DID escalate and the police arrive, (and, WHY did YOU hang around?) usually it will be a team of two officers, and one each will approach each of you.
    If the officer assigned to you asks what is --the matter--, say NOTHING, other than 'I dont know', 'that person seemms to have called the police', I dont know what is his problem' .
    Then the ball is in the accusers court, and he has obligated himself by calling the law, 'THE BURDEN OF PROOF/as witness', and he has little in his favor to offer other than his suspicions. (Think, what could he really bring to a courtroom as testimony?) If the police do confront you with the complainers story, weigh the story, should you deny, or state he must have been mistaken. Chances are YOU ARE NOT OUTSIDE THE LAW, and NO INQUIRY will be made of you. (Did he see me going to the MENS?; the WOMENS? Did he FOLLOW ME IN? Is he a STALKER?) Note that these are questions not statements on your behalf. If you make a statement,(be careful! THINK!) on your behalf, DONT CHANGE A THING, and DONT further embellish. If further asked the same question or a variation, just answer 'I already answered that'. Never act defensive, just be assertive. Stay 'cool headed', dont panic, 'listen to what is going on'; respond as little as possible. You dont really have an obligation to respond, other than 'I was accused of what?' MAKE THE ACCUSER 'CARRY THE WATER'. 'Bounce the 'ball' back to 'his court'.
    'I was just minding my own business' (not a self incrimination, but
    does beg further questions--be careful--....)
    DONT REFUSE TO ANSWER, just SMILE, and NOT offer an answer.
    'My business does not involve 'him'(accuser)'.
    'If there is a problem here, it is with HIM, not me'.
    'Ask HIM', .... HE's the one who called the cops'.
    'I dont know what is going on'. 'Perhaps you could fill me in'.
    'Did he say I violated the law?'
    'What did he accuse me of?'
    Again, You obligated yourself to NOTHING, and left the accuser with the 'burden'.
    Similarly, I am sometimes confronted by civilians as to if 'I am allowed to park in a HD parking space'. (It is my wife's HD parking permit, posted on the dash.) but according to the law I can park alone in a HD space if I am picking up my wife inside the facility.)
    I reply to the civilian, 'That it is not your business, but you are welcome to call the law, to verify compliance, if you so desire'. Nobody has ever taken me up on this matter, at least the police have never arrived to investigate compliance.
    To verify, I NEVER, EVER use her HD placard for my personal benefit --even if I am wearing high heels ;-) !