Thursday, February 19, 2015

Throwback Thursday: Not As Stuck


Susan of Transitioning into Tomorrow fame suggested that "it would be interesting if you repost some of your older posts and then comment on them as Stana 2015. Has your life, appearance and/or thoughts changed since then?"

I like Susan's idea and since she suggested that I revisit my December 12, 2007 post, "Stuck At Home" as an example, that is what I am going to do.

Here is the original post:

My dear friend Diana often e-mails me to ask if I would like to go out en femme with her. I turn her down more often than I accept her invitation.

Diana is single and lives as a woman full-time. I am married and live as a woman part-time.

Most of the time, I am in male mode because my wife married a man and prefers me in boy mode. She dislikes it when I am in girl mode and to keep the peace, I agreed that I only do the girly thing on a limited basis.

I am in male mode most of the time also because my employer hired a man and might not be too happy if I showed up at work in a dress and heels on days that don't end the month of October.

When Diana wants to go out, she opens the door and she is out (lucky girl!). When I want to go out, it is more complicated. I need two hours at a minimum to transform from boy mode to girl mode. And if it is an evening outing, that means leaving work early to get ready.

Since there are a number of complications in my girl life, I have to pick and choose my en femme outings and as a result, I have to turn Diana down more often than I would like. I just hope she doesn't get tired of my rejections and stops asking!

Here is my 2015 take on that 2007 post:

The situation is basically the same with my wife. When I am with her either at home or away, I am in boy mode. However, when I am away without her, girl mode is always an option.

The situation at work has changed for the better since 2007. I came out to Human Resources, my manager, my supervisor and a few of my co-workers. Most were surprised, but my supervisor having witnessed most of my Halloween office girl "costumes" said she was not surprised. The powers that be at work have encouraged me to dress appropriately for my transgender, but I have not taken them up on that yet because I have hesitated talking to my wife about it.

Regarding my need for "two hours at a minimum to transform from boy mode to girl mode," that has also changed for the better. I can usually get ready in an hour more or less assuming that I have maintained a hairless status for my body parts that show.

And my appearance has changed for the better. I am definitely more expert at makeup application and I believe that my fashion sense has improved a little, too. (By the way, the accompanying selfie was taken a few days before I wrote that 2007 post.)

Finally, Diana is a very good friend and still asks me to join her on en femme outings despite my many rejections.





Source: MyHabit

Wearing Valentino.






Not your father’s men’s club meeting.


  1. Very interesting Stana. You were always good, even back in 2007. I think the dark hair also suits you. It seems many of us have similar issues when trying to "get out".

    Like you, I now find it much easier to accept invitations. However, I have a son who, after 3 years away at university, is now living back at home. I have to work around him and tell lies about where I'm going - which I'm always uncomfortable about doing, and has prevented me making the effort to go out before now. The silly thing is that although I'd be very embarrassed if he found out, I don't think he'd care at all.

    best wishes

    Michelle x

    1. Kids are an unknown quantity! I am lucky --- my daughter is my biggest supporter.

    2. My daughters are a mixed blessing. One totally supports, even does my makeup. even bought me a couple of dresses. The other accepts me but does not want to see me, dressed that is. A work in progress. Wife totally fine with me. I am totally happy with that. I think the other needs time. I am mostly andro anyway so fully dressed is a rare occasion. I am so blessed!

    3. I think both of those pictures do you justice. You have a great eye for fashion, as all of your outfits "work". I used to like the blond better but now I am not so sure. I would love your take on my photo.
      Best Regards...

  2. Actually I haven’t been doing much lately between the weather and meeting during the day has taken a toll on my social life. This morning I an giving a workshop at a conference for nursing homes managers on care for LGBT elders, this afternoon there is meeting with housing discrimination lawyers about a case where a trans woman was placed in a male shelter and was assaulted. I’ll love to go to the Creative Cocktail Party tonight but I’ll probably be beat.

    Maybe we can get the group together for Tea in March sometime.

  3. Stana
    Susan made a great suggestion. So many of your posts over the years have been gems and well merit being rerun and reviewed even if your position on the subject post has not changed.
    Like so many of us aging T folks our evolution has been slow and gradual. Even slower and more gradual tends to be the tolerance and acceptance of our female presentation by our wives. As much as I want to get out and about and I do confess that there is a part of me that envies those who do not have families or jobs to worry about the obligations that I have to my family and my job simply preclude me from getting out and about while dressed as often as I would otherwise desire.


    1. Hi Pat,

      With over 3200 posts, I might be able to find a few that are worth rerunning! LOL


  4. Stana

    We spoke to a group at Glavian College last week. It went real well. Thanks to you I have the courage to do these talks.


    1. Fantastic, Diane! You are so welcome.


  5. Stana,

    The dark hair looks great on you! Very natural and feminine. Do you still have that wig?


    1. Thank you, Gina. I do still have that wig. Maybe I should start wearing it again.