By Monica M
Struck by the crazy number of suicide attempts in our little community, I approached Stana to do a series of guest blog posts in the hope that the more success stories we have out there, the less people will attempt suicide.
Our little community is between 0.1% and 1% of the population depending on how you count. 41% of us have attempted suicide and of the people who try, about a fifth succeed (our rate is 9 times the national average). To me this is unacceptable. It has to be stopped! But, how? These posts are my contribution to helping stem this tide of needless destruction.
The more we understand what makes us tick and the more we understand the stories of those who have successfully climbed the mountain, the more we can develop strategies to succeed ourselves. But it is important to be aware that “successfully” is a loaded word. There is no general transgender story, every transgender person's story is different and every person's definition of success is different... and to some degree, that is part of the problem.
Here is my story and my strategies and I hope that those people who are similar to me in approach can learn from my successes and my failures.
The Early Years
I was born into a large family of girls. This may have had some bearing on the outcome of my journey through life (Ya think?!). From early on, I have known that I really was or wanted to be a girl. My mother said that when I was 3 or 4 years old, I tried on her girdles in (what I thought!) was secret. I have no memory of this. It was an occasional memory that my mother dragged up. She died not knowing that I was transgender (well, if she did, she never let on!).
However, I do have an early memory of going to visit an aunt and uncle when I was about 5 or 6. I rambled off to explore the house while the adults were talking. I went through my aunt's underwear drawer and tried on some of her girdles. I think I had a thing about girdles back then. I have no recollection of how these girdles fitted me. I must have been swimming in them!
I also remember visiting a different aunt and uncle (and their kids) when I was about 11. Again I sneaked into my aunt's underwear drawer and took a girdle and a pair of nylons and locked myself in the bathroom to try them on. I was in the bathroom for so long that people were knocking on the door to get in. I had to come out, but, how? What would I do with the clothes? I stuffed nylons into the toes of my shoes and hid the girdle rolled up under my sweater.
How I managed to get away with these exploits is beyond me. But, herein is the first lesson: people only see what they want to see.
Next up, the teenage years.
Singers Roger Taylor, Peter Straker and Freddie Mercury
femulating in the
1992 1987 The Great Pretender music video.
Wearing Evan Picone.