Monday, August 12, 2013

Boys’ Day Out

By Michelle

While most adventure stories on Femulate concern days out en femme, Michelle’s story is about a day out en homme.

Can You Keep a Secret?
The attached photo is one of the few taken of me en femme which I am happy with and don’t mind showing; the rest are for “my eyes only.” It was taken at a charity ball last autumn and had a new lease of life recently. Let me tell you the story.

I have a best mate, who I have known for over 35 years, although we have lived some distance apart for most of that time. We met up for a meal around 12 years ago; the conversation turned to music (a mutual passion) and he said he missed our teenage days when we could go for a dance at the local disco.

I informed him that I still did – to which he inquired where do you do that? I had waited for an opportunity to tell him about my other half – was this it? I hesitated, drew a deep breath and asked, “Can you keep a secret?”

He replied, “Yes.”

I explained that I was a crossdresser and that a group of us met monthly for a disco in the large back room of a pub.

He was quite taken aback and said he didn’t have the slightest idea about me. I felt relieved about that. What would have been very embarrassing was if he had said something like, “I guessed as I’d noticed traces of mascara on you in the past.”

The conversation moved on and he said he felt pleased that I had trusted him and said he would tell me a secret about him, which he then did. What was it? I can’t tell you – it’s a secret! All that I can say is that it wasn’t that he also crossdresses.

To this day he is the only male I have told about my alter ego.

Great Shoes
Time moved on and the subject was never really mentioned again – in fact, if the conversation ever strayed in that area, he would swiftly step in to move it in another direction or so it seemed.

More recently, he had been concerned about various issues, which he was very keen to tell me about. As with the confidential information I had told him, I felt pleased that he trusted me enough to tell me these things. However, some of these were quite heavy and involved long conversations, normally on the phone, in which I did at least 95% of the listening.

Let’s just say it got quite draining at times, but he has always been appreciative of the time I gave him and the occasional comments I offered. And to quote the song, “That’s what friends are for.”

The more I listened about his life, the more I wanted to tell him more about mine, such as the fact that I now quite regularly go out “in public” including pubs, meals and shopping trips. He was still under the impression that I only went to the same non-public disco and an occasional TV weekend away. I bided my time.

Recently he offered me tickets to the British Grand Prix at Silverstone – a real “boys’ day out.” I took him up on his offer. It was the first time we had met up in many years without family or friends around, probably since that meal 12 years ago, which makes me think he may have been wary about setting up another opportunity in which he wouldn’t know what I would come out with.

At the start of the day we chatted and after a while he brought me up to date with developments in his life, but said that he was very aware that he had hogged conversations recently, so he kept his update short.

I asked if I could tell him about some of the things that had happened to me and my friends. I started with the tale of my good friend who just over a year ago, went “en femme” full time.

To my surprise he listened and asked relevant, interested questions; this was a little unexpected, but I feel that he had come to terms with things in his own life, which may explain it. During the course of the day he asked more about my friend and her situation in a very positive way; this did not surprise me because he is a non-judgmental person – unlike me.

As we ate our picnic, I took the final step when I asked “Do you mind if I show you some photos of me?”

I had put these into my wallet, but didn’t want to force the issue. He said he didn’t mind at all. I only had two (can you imagine that – a TV with only two photos to show!?), which I handed over to him.

He looked and said, “Amazing,” and “I never would have guessed that was you,” and finally, and I think most surprisingly, “Great shoes!” Isn’t that what every girl (transgender or cisgender) wants to hear? Wow!

Actually, the photos don’t show off my 5-inch killer silver heels in silver that I bought for only £8 in a sale and… ooh sorry, I got distracted – oops!

Showing pictures is always a tough one – once you’ve done it there’s no going back. The person you show them to will never quite see you as the same person again. However, this reaction was off the top of my hoped for reactions. I could have gotten “No, I don’t want to see them,” which I could understand and respect or much worse, like laughter or even disgust. I would have thought the latter unlikely, but you can never tell.

Apart from my wife, there is one other person who knows about me: a work colleague. I have taken in photos to show her, but never thought the time was appropriate to “bring them out.” Would she be interested in seeing them, but doesn’t want to ask? If I showed her would she look at them, but be embarrassed as she does not really want to see that side of me? Yes, showing photos is a big step – what do you do? Comments on this matter would be most welcome.

(“Boy’s Day Out – Part 2” will appear here on Tuesday.)
 Male bride, circa 1900.

Source: Le Redoute
 Wearing Le Redoute.


  1. Dear Michelle,

    Thank You for allowing Stana to post your article. "Coming out" as a crossdresser to unsuspecting friends and showing "en femme" photos are interesting topics that many of us have experienced, or at least considered. I have 5 close cisgender women friends that I told about my crossdressing. 4 of the women were very accepting and very interested and each of them enjoyed meeting my femme self, and each has enjoyed followup in-person meetings or "en femme" photos. In fact, each of those 4 has actively helped me with my feminine pursuits (suggesting ideas for my feminine look, giving me feminine gifts including lipstick, purses, and clothing). The one cisgender woman who hasn't shown any desire to see photos or ask further questions is relatively open-minded and tolerant, but I think she is uncomfortable thinking about me in any un-masculine way. I sensed her reluctance, so I have never asked her if she wanted to see photos of me as Sheila. She knows I go to Orlando once a month to meet with my T-Girl social/support group, and she always says "have a good time", but she never asks any questions about my crossdressing.

    One of the very accepting women told her very open-minded and tolerant gentleman friend about me and showed him pictures of me. She said he was surprised at how good I looked as a woman, and he was perfectly OK with my crossdressing. If conditions ever present themselves, he would be fine with me joining he and our lady friend in my femme persona. I have seen him a few times with me in guy mode since he has learned about my crossdressing, and he has been genuinely as nice and comfortable with me as always.

    So, I guess we each have to be very “tuned in” to the body language of a friend we first “come out” to, and based on that decide whether to ask them if they want to see photos. I “come out” to a person on a “need to know” basis. Of course, I only consider coming out to close friends that I suspect will be at least tolerant. I have only come out to one male friend (not counting the man one of my cisgender friends “outed” me to), and most of my closest friends are women. After reading and enjoying your article, I thought Stana and you and some of Stana's readers might be interested in another set of experiences regarding “coming out” and showing photos.



  2. Michelle,
    Thank you for your addition to Femulate and thank you Stana for giving your space to Michelle.
    Deciding who to come out to and who to tell and who you can trust is always difficult. On the one hand it is such a pleasure and a joy to get out and about that you have an inclination to share your joy with others. On the other hand there are real and perceived risks involved in letting people know what we do in our spare time.
    I look forward to reading part 2.

  3. Very encouraging story. I recently came out to a good friend (female) because I felt she would be understanding and supportive. Thus far, she has been. She has seen me en femme before, because we were in a play together where I played a female impersonator! That's how I started my coming out story with her, "Remember how you said I looked rather natural as a woman?" That first person (non-family) you come out to is always hard, but hopefully it's a positive experience.