“You’re a guy!”

Most civilians are too busy with their own lives to pay much attention to us. Occasionally, however, someone will recognize that the attractive woman passing by was not assigned female at birth—and decide to announce the discovery.

“You’re a man!”

“Is that a guy?”

“Why are you dressed like a woman?”

Being called out can be startling, embarrassing and even frightening, especially the first time it happens. Your immediate reaction may be to panic, argue or flee. Usually, the best response is much simpler: remain calm, assess the situation and refuse to let a stranger ruin your day.

Consider the Source

Not every comment is intended to be cruel. Some people are genuinely curious, surprised or socially clumsy. Others are showing off for their friends or trying to provoke a reaction.

Before responding, consider the tone, the surroundings and the number of people involved. One puzzled shopper in a department store is very different from a loud group outside a bar at midnight.

If the situation feels threatening, forget about clever responses. Move toward a well-lit, populated place, enter a business, contact security or call for help. Your safety is more important than proving a point.

Do Not Provide the Entertainment

A heckler usually wants a reaction. Becoming angry or visibly upset gives that person exactly what was wanted. Instead, take a breath, stand tall and continue behaving like the lady you presented to the world that morning.

A calm “Yes—and?” can bring the confrontation to an abrupt end. So can “Thank you for noticing,” “I’m happy with how I look” or a pleasant smile followed by walking away.

Silence is also a response. You are not required to explain yourself to every stranger who asks a personal question.

Own the Moment

There is no shame in being a crossdresser. If someone announces that you are wearing women’s clothing, that person has merely stated the obvious. You already knew what you put on before leaving home.

A confident response changes the balance of the encounter. Instead of acting as though you have been caught doing something wrong, behave as though the other person has made an unnecessarily rude observation.

Depending on the circumstances, you might say:

• These are my clothes.

• I dress to please myself.

• You noticed. Is there anything else?

• I didn’t realize there would be a quiz.

• My wife likes this outfit, too.

• And you felt the need to announce that because…?

Humor can defuse an awkward encounter, but sarcasm may provoke someone who is already hostile. Read the room before delivering your best comeback.

Do Not Turn It Into a Debate

A public sidewalk, restaurant or shopping mall is rarely the place to conduct a seminar on crossdressing. You will probably not change a hostile stranger’s opinion during a two-minute confrontation.

Answer briefly if you wish, then move on. You have places to go, things to do and perhaps a sale rack waiting for you. Do not surrender the rest of your outing to someone who deserves only a few seconds of your attention.

Recover and Continue

Even when you handle the encounter perfectly, being called out may shake your confidence. Step into a restroom, café or quiet corner and give yourself a moment to regroup. Check your makeup, smooth your skirt, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that one person’s reaction does not represent everybody.

Then continue your outing if you feel safe doing so.

Going directly home may teach your frightened mind that the stranger defeated you. Staying out—even for another fifteen minutes—can help you reclaim the experience and prove that you remain in control.

Confidence Is the Best Response

Passing perfectly is never guaranteed. Even cisgender women are occasionally mistaken for men, and civilians make all kinds of incorrect assumptions about the people around them.

The real goal is not to fool every person you encounter. It is to present yourself well, behave naturally and enjoy being the person you chose to be that day.

If someone calls you out, keep your composure, protect your safety and remember that you have as much right to occupy public space as anyone else.

Hold your head high, adjust your handbag and keep walking. The heels clicking on the pavement should be yours—not those of a crossdresser retreating in defeat.

Wearing ModCloth

Brian Charles Rooney femulating on stage in Bedbugs!!!