Monday, August 28, 2023

Stuff 7

By J.J. Atwell

Hello All

JJ is back with more stuff! I find it hard to believe that I’m up to number 7 of this little corner of Stana’s Way. Many thanks to Stana and all you faithful readers for following along with my Stuff.  


Let’s take a brief trip on the time machine to grade school grammar classes. For those who need a refresh, here is a definition of pronouns from an on-line dictionary: “a word that can function by itself as a noun phrase and that refers either to the participants in the discourse… or to someone or something mentioned elsewhere in the discourse.” Whew! That’s a long way of explaining words like “him” and “her” as they apply to our world. Hopefully that wasn’t too painful a trip to those school days. 

Most people don’t think about pronouns when they write or speak. It kind of comes naturally.  “Naturally,” that is, until you enter our world of crossdressers and transgender individuals. Then it becomes something we need to think about carefully. Should I address that person as “he” or “she?” Does that change depending on what the person is wearing?  

All very difficult questions with many nuances to an answer. In general, the rule I follow is that if they are attempting to look like a female, then female pronouns are appropriate. Of course, if they tell me their preferred pronouns, then that’s what I use. In my everyday guy life, I’m always “he.” But when I’m dressed as JJ, then “she” fits better. It just seems right to me.   

I was recently at a Girls’ Night Out with about a dozen folks at a restaurant – half CD/TG and half SOs. I happened to be siting between two of the SOs and struck up conversations with them about their other halves. I found it interesting that they sometimes slipped back and forth between he and she when referring to their partners. No doubt, they have lived many years as husband and wife and that person still occupies that role no matter how they dress.  

The wives did say that they help with the spouse’s feminine presentation. Things like making sure that the partner looks appropriate for the event/venue. Generally, that’s something that we of the CD/TG community struggle with at first. Some of that is probably self-preservation for the wife, but I got the impression that they really wanted to help.  

So where am I going with this Stuff? No place in particular. I just wanted you to think about how you use pronouns and if that affects your perceptions and interactions with members of our community.  

I’ll be back

That’s it for today. I hope my stuff gives you something to think about. In the meantime, I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Source: Elisabetta Franchi
Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Barbara Trebor
Barbara Trebor


  1. There are times I get ma'amed. And other times I get sir'red. It doesn't matter to me, as long as I'm not called Maggot.

  2. The biggest problem with pronouns is when using the phone
    You have no visual clues only a male sounding voice

    1. Yes, that certainly is an issue. But then again, if the person can't see you then does it really matter how you are presenting? I guess the answer to that depends on where you are. Probably most important if you are TS. Less so if a CD. Hugs, JJ

  3. Great Stuff JJ and good readings. I think the wives keep the transvestites in check on fetish nights but prefer they dress appropriate on shopping mall outings. The struggle depends on your level of femulation and how badly you want to pass and be accepted as the woman you are presenting as which naturally should be yourself. However, as we all know it can be different for everyone. I know at one time in my life it was an escape to just see how well I could pass and it was exciting but also became more as a normal way of being myself. So it is a hobby for me but for others its a lifestyle. Hugs Brenda

    1. Thanks for the comments Brenda. Always good to hear of others experiences. hugs, JJ

  4. I'm a crossdressing realist. My pronoun is xy.

  5. The only passing I do is to go around.a slow vehicle on a 2 lane road.

  6. Pronouns. The more I think about it, Is seems ridiculous that we feel that we need to differentiate people based on what we think is between their legs. If I were in charge of grammar (which I'm obviously not), I'd get rid of he/him/his/she her/hers and treat everyone equally by universally using they/them/theirs for everyone. We do that in cases where we are generalizing and perhaps do not know enough about a person to know what is between their legs. (See I just did it and it didn't sound awkward). We replaced the singular second person thee and thou and universally use you (ye) for both singular and plural second person decades ago. Why not move forward with the third person and use they/them/theirs for both singular and plural third person. Just my opinion. I'll get off of my soapbox now.
    -Gracie Rose