Thursday, November 10, 2022


In response to my standing offer to answer anything you ask me, Julie Shaw wrote the following:

I'm getting tired of coming up with answers to “well meaning” people asking me when I’m going to start transitioning. I don’t WANT to transition. I’m a heterosexual male-to-female crossdresser and have NO desire to change that.

My question for you is “how would you communicate this to those sisters on social media who all but berate me for not being true to yourself.” I have run out of words.

It seems to me (with emphasis on “to me”) that the meaning of “transition” has changed over time.

In olden days when I still lived in a closet, transition meant that you took hormones, had surgery and did all that the law allowed to officially change your name and sex designation.

Today, the definition of “transition” is a lot looser. You don’t have to take hormones and/or you don’t have to have surgery and/or you don’t have to legally change your name or sex designation. You don’t even have to live full-time in your trans gender.

So I guess I transitioned some time ago and didn’t even know it!

At Fantasia Fair in 2014, I attended Natasha Wilkie’s presentation “Planning Your Transition.” The most important thing I took out of the presentation was that you do it at your own pace... a pace that you are comfortable with.

As the presentation ended, Natasha left us with a metaphor... Transition is like riding a train. You can get off at any stop and you can get back on the train whenever you wish and in some cases, you can go back to a previous stop.

So when quizzed about when am I going to transition, I can honestly say I have transitioned already.

Nota Bene! This post is a re-post.

Source: Boston Proper
Wearing Boston Proper

Alejandro de Hoyas Parera femulating in an episode of Mexican television‘s Esta Historia Me Suena.


  1. All most people know about people like us is what they read in news papers
    I have read many stories about people going all the way and becoming women but very few about people who like to be male or female depending on what suits them

    1. Yup! people are always curious. My wife is a congenital double arm amputee. Yes, people are curious. Especially children. Be cool, be kind.
      An older, wiser friend of my wife--born without both legs-- remarked ''you can either think of yourself as 'the freak' OR 'the celebrity' and B. always took the 'celeb' position, and had a remarkable, productive life as well as was a pioneer in the 'support group' concept.
      When 'gender outsiders', racial/ethnic minorities, ect... finally become 'just plain folks', the Republican party will be doomed.
      Whether or not you like/dislike/accept/deny the concept, you are 'the spokesperson' -- at least for the moment. Be the cool celeb.
      The worst thing that happens nowdays, is that admirers occasionally 'pick up the check' for us in restaurants.

  2. Alejandro does an amazing portrayal as a gorgeous woman.

  3. Thanks for the reminder - and well said. The question still pops up, but not as frequently as it did a few years ago.

  4. I've made it a point over the years to put myself around CD/TG people. In those years I've met a number of very pretty men who just simply lived as women. letting their hair grow, wearing makeup and women's clothes and working on their voices until they found their female sound. Waaaaay back when..... personal IDs did not include photos. It was much easier to come up with a fake ID, and once they had one, transitioning to photo IDs was very simple.

    A couple of my acquaintances went on to actual physical transition, but most did not, though several of the ladies did have breast implants. One I remember very well was the wife of a very successful lawyer in the DC area. She was the neighbor of a co-worker, She was gay, but never felt as though "he" was the correct persona. "His" mother encouraged "her" and arranged for the fake ID, Eventually she met and fell in love with her lawyer husband and was a successful law partner's wife (yes, her mother arranged for a fake birth certificate). Her husband's firm required him to do quite a bit of entertaining, and nobody was ever the wiser about their hostess. I would have challenged anyone to "clock" her.

    But today things are quite better. Even a big lug like myself can be Mikki and catch no flak in most situations. Like Stana has written, I'm very aware of being a crossdressing woman and am ultra-careful in nighttime situations. But if I had done what I can now do back in my 20's I would have been very vulnerable to physical harm, even in the daytime. Yes, times have really changed.

    1. Here's an example of boys who presented as girls with nothing else but the way they dressed, wore makeup and presented themselves verbally, and were accepted as girls, that is until their teachers revealed their secret. Another example of girls being trans -- but without "transitioning".

    2. An even better example of a "transitioned" woman who has done nothing but present (him)herself as a female. There were no hormonal or surgical changes to her at the time this video was done. She's gorgeous!

  5. Great photo - I love the transitions...

  6. My thoughts on "transition" is that one can socially transition without taking hormones or surgeries. But just because someone may identify as "trans" does not mean they automatically have to socially transition. A crossdresser might not also identify as trans. They may look at CDing as a part time "hobby" versus something a bit "more" as someone that identifies as trans.

    For most of the general public, I think most feel like if one identifies as "trans" you should automatically pursue "transition" and that is just not the case. What one should do is choose the path that best makes you happy. There is a spectrum of outcomes.

  7. "Transitioning" is a fickle word. Surgery of any sort is out of the question because of my medical history. However, my nails are painted 24/7, I have a separate credit card and since I'm in my new neighborhood, all the loyalty programs are in my feminine name. Groceries, other shopping trips and general errands are all done en~femme. This is still the South, so I am circumspect on where I go and when, but otherwise have had no negative encounters.

  8. Stana, I whole heartedly agree with your recommendation, and it is exactly the way I respond when some asks me the transition question. I transitioned to "part-time" approximately 15-years ago and have never looked back.



  9. Please dont change to Stan. Be Stana forever. She is so much more fun.