Wednesday, May 13, 2020

My Start

I received an e-mail that posed the following question: How did you get drawn into the crossdressing world?

Here is my story.

When I was a kid, I was intrigued with disguises. Being a creative sort, I assembled my own original costumes for Halloween rather than wear something off the rack. However, I would never be caught dead in a dress; all my costumes were male-themed, for example, monsters, pirates, ghouls, but not girls.

When I was about 10 or 11 years old, one of the newspapers my Dad bought (the Daily News) began carrying weekly thumbnail-sized ads for 82 Club, a New York City nightclub that featured female impersonators. Each advertisement exclaimed, “[insert name here] is no lady!” (like the ad above) and contained a photo of a beautiful female impersonator.

Up until then, I was only familiar with the Milton Berlesque variety of female impersonation, so the advertisements fascinated me. The beauty and authenticity of  the impersonators amazed me.

Every week, I anxiously awaited the appearance of a new 82 Club advertisement and I was seldom disappointed as male after male was shown transformed into a beautiful female.

I was so intrigued that a male could transform himself into a gorgeous female that I decided to experiment with female impersonation myself and soon I was slipping on my first pair of nylons and heels. Using my mother's and sister's wardrobes and cosmetics, I tried to transform myself into a young lady.

I enjoyed every minute of it, but I started feeling very guilty. None of the guys I knew did what I did. I wondered if something was wrong with me. (Sound familiar?)

But, I did not stop and I continued experimenting, while fine-tuning my femulating skills in the process.

And that’s my story.

(Caveat Emptor: This post is a re-post of a post from the past.)

Source: Intermix
Wearing Carolina Herrera

The letter G stands for Gobs of Good-looking Girls – so many potential “Not a Civilians?” that I could not select just one! Our leggy beauty (top left) hails from Galena (TX) High School, while our fashionable lass (top right) comes from Graham (NC) High School. The formally outfitted gal (bottom left) is from Guymon (OK) High School and our pretty Erik (bottom right) is out of Granite Hills High in El Cajun, CA. 

What do these girls have in common that gives them away as not necessarily civilians: thinned and shaped eyebrows, just like the avowed femulator below.

Wearing Calvin Klein dress and Nine West Tomalah Ombre pumps
Wearing Calvin Klein dress and Nine West Tomalah Ombre pumps for my May 6th photoshoot.


  1. I have read many a report of the "how I got started" variety, and they all get me to thinking. I cannot remember my first time, or what triggered it, or how old I was when I first dressed. Does this make me insincere? Or just old? (giggle) All I can recall is wanting to look pretty for most of my 61 years. I can recall incidents along the way - the time my older brother caught me in Mom's gown, the time my Mother almost caught me in her lingerie, the first time I openly dressed in front of anyone - but as to how it all started --- nothing. I really wish I could.

  2. AnonymousMay 13, 2020

    "Drawn" in this case, is the most appropriate word for what one feels regarding 'that force', that message, which tells your internal self: "This is ME". "I want to be a part of this".
    During this massive down time we are all experiencing, I found a copy of the movie "Trans America" at the Dollar Tree. One scene in that movie, (I wont disclose which.) again drew me as a silent, unspoken force....

  3. My dressing was much more undercover at home but I learned about a club called Johnnie's in DC that had Drag shows. Eventually I found my way there in the early 1960's while I was in college. Then I found a newsstand that had magazines that had TG/CD content and found out about places like the 82 Club. I already knew about and had seen The Jewel Box revue.

    When I went to work for SBC I had the opportunity to run long computer program jobs in NYC on weekends -- I did this for about 6 months. The jobs took 24-36 hours and I didn't need to be present all the time. With the "guidance" of a friend in the NYC data center I found my way to many interesting places, including the 82 Club.

    It was one thing to be mesmerized by the ladies of The Jewel Box revue on stage in a theater and quite another to see them in the much more intimate 82 Club where they were just a few feet away and where I could actually meet and talk with them. "Mesmerized" doesn't even come close! Did you ever find your way to the club, Stana?

  4. Stana, I love that dress on you, I have a few CK dresses myself and they fit just as perfectly as this one. And the collage of girls above shows just how many of us are NOT civilians!

    1. Thank you, Tina. CK dresses are my fave - they always are just right on me.

  5. I remember the 82 Club Ads, you weren't the only one looking at them longingly.

    One thing about spotting a non civilian, is the smile sometimes you just see the inner Joy. (pun intended)

  6. Dear Stana,

    I first became aware of transgender people and crossdressing in a feature article in either LOOK or LIFE magazine in the early 1950’s. I was between 8 and 10 years old when I saw the article, which contained a number of photos of Christine Jorgensen (the first well-known USA male-to-female transsexual) as a woman and one when she was in the military as a man. I adored the photo of her on an airport tarmac “dressed to the 9’s” in high heels, a gorgeous cocktail dress with widely flaring skirt worn over multiple petticoats, fur stole, dainty hat, lovely jewelry, and made up beautifully ... lipstick, blush, eye liner, mascara, etc. The photo thrilled and aroused me in ways that had never happened before. I wished I could be dressed and made-up as she was, and that may have been the first time I ever had those thoughts.

    Soon after reading (and keeping) that article, I tried on a pair of my mother’s nylon tricot panties out of curiosity and became extremely aroused. That led to subsequent times dressing in her bra, panties, full slip, and a couple of her more feminine and dressy dresses, and her high heel pumps. As you can guess, I absolutely ADORED it ... and I still adore dressing completely as a woman all these years later at age 75.



  7. Marilyn;i was drawn to my mothers skirts half slips dresses etc...she knew i loved she placed her old clothes beneith my room
    She supported my crossdressing in a silence subtile way...she often made me wear her skirts&dresses...we were both comfertable&happy with it