Thursday, October 26, 2017

I am my own girlfriend

This Throwback Thursday post was written over eight years ago. Revisiting it, I was surprised that what I believed is truer than ever applies today. 

I love females. Always did, always will.

When I reached dating age, I dreamed about dating the vast number of females who I found attractive. But I was very shy with the opposite sex and not at all skilled at chatting up females in order to get a date.

My attempts usually resulted in rejection. As I accumulated rejections, I became gun-shy and more reluctant to try again. As a result, I did not date very often.

On those rare occasions that I did date, it was usually of the blind variety. And there were seldom any second dates because (1) I did not find my blind date attractive or (2) if I did find my blind date to be attractive, my shyness kicked in and turned off my blind date. I was a sad sack on the dating scene.

Lacking a female companion, did I become my own girlfriend?

I studied the art of female emulation (femulation) and after years of practice, I managed to femulate myself into a female, who could look attractive under the right lighting conditions and/or from the correct viewing angle.

As I femulated more and more, dating a female became less important, but I continued to make my feeble attempts in the dating scene and accepted blind dates whenever the opportunity arose. One blind date was "love at first sight" and we dated for over two years, married, and had a child.

While I dated my future spouse, I stopped being my own girlfriend, that is, I stopped femulating all together and did not take up the cause again until we were invited to a Halloween party a month after our wedding day.

After nearly three years of not femulating, I was out of practice and having purged all my female paraphenalia before marriage, I had to borrow clothes for that Halloween outing. As a result, my femulation was just so-so in my humble opinion. Nevertheless, my skills were still good enough to fool some of the people some of the time and a female at the party asked me point blank if I was male, because she was not sure.

That outing caused me to recall how I had enjoyed femulating in the past, so I began anew, first in secret, than slowly out into the public after my spouse put two and two together and asked me if I liked to crossdress on days that weren't October 31.

I came clean about my "hobby" and she was very supportive and encouraged me to join a support group, which moved my femulation out of the closet of my home into the closet of my support group's meeting hall where I learned how to take my femulation out into public places.

Did I become my own girlfriend again?

I believe that when I was dateless and desperately seeking female companionship, I truly was my own girlfriend. But now I believe that the female I emulate is really me.

When I became my own girlfriend in the past, I was really becoming me, but did not realize it at the time. Now I realize that when I femulate I am presenting myself to society in the way I feel that best expresses me.

Source: Veronica Beard
Wearing Veronica Beard (Source: Veronica Beard)

Michelle femulating at work on Halloween

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and see it in the Femulator spot like Michelle's photo today.)


  1. Your post totally describes my own dating experience -- except that I never experienced that "at first sight" moment on any of my blind dates. And so I remain a lifelong single (but with a reasonably attractive girlfriend, when "she" decides to make an appearance) at age 60. Although I know the likelihood is slim now, I'm still always on the lookout for potential dates, and believe I've overcome most of the shyness that made approaching attractive women difficult in my 20s and 30s. At least, that's what I tell myself!

  2. I see that 8 years ago you would refer to females as 'the opposite sex'.

    Since we are of a similar age, having grown up with brothers and having gone to an all boys HS I guess I did OK with the girls. I do know that I was always very comfortable around them when they were dressed casually in the jeans and tops that were in style back then. When we went to dances or more formal events where they would dress nicely in dresses/gowns, hose and heels I do recall being somewhat of a bumbler. I was enamored and intrigued by their cloths, shoes, makeup, etc.
    I suppose I was more comfortable with girls if they were casual but once they dolled up my knees would go weak.

  3. That is an interesting concept. Maybe true of many of us. Thanks for sharing.

  4. More than once I have looked in a mirror and thought as'him' I should give 'her' a second look. Love Linda

  5. To an extent you've called it for my experience. I did date, but was not confident and quite self conscious. I always adored the girls and how they could transform in such a wonderful way. I was jealous and would try to emulate their behavior whenever possible. I adored how it made me feel!

  6. I recently have noticed how much my breasts feel so soft and noticeable. i love it. I like to feel them through my t-shirt. They feel like real girls breasts. I think because of my age, not telling, My testosterone is very low. Hurray! Now if I could only produce enough estrogen I would become a woman by natural cause. How sweet after all these years of dreaming and fantasizing.