Friday, October 6, 2017


By Paula Gaikowski

I’ve also noticed the paradox that Stana mentioned when interacting with women other than our wives.

I always enjoyed the affirmation that I received from other women. I have had women who were fascinated by my transgender narrative. They seem to share my joy and were interested in helping me.

When shopping for wigs at the Paula Young factory store, I always meet other women there that are helpful. The store is private and most women are my age. It’s a place where they feel comfortable.   When they see I value their opinion, they become inquisitive and delight in helping remodel me into a better version of being a women

There was one customer that I remember so well. She was helping me pick out wigs and helped me style them. We sat and had some deep conversations about her life, her gay brother and my transgenderism. She kind of rattled me when she told me that I make a great women and she hoped someday I would seek re-assignment since it was obvious that I was really a women.

I’ve had several MAC makeovers and the makeup artists and I have had some very personal conversations about being transgender, femininity and relationships.

One reoccurring question, “Why do you want to be a woman?” “What is motivating you?”

There’s this weird gushing that takes place and I can’t place in my mind what it’s about?

My guess is with Stana’s thought, that finally “a male” sees what it’s like to wear Spanx, heels and pantyhose for 10 hours or perhaps it’s the joy one feels when you win someone over to your point of view?

When a Baptist Pastor coverts a sinner and they see the light?

Is that gushing that we see in our lady friends?

What an endorsement!

We’ve come over from the dark side!

All things change when it’s their husband. Oh, yes!

In my previous analogy, having a transgender friend is a compliment, I want to be like you, I want to join you. It is a positive signal. To use an old phrase “Imitation is the is the sincerest form of flattery.”

The psychological pay-off for them is positive.

When it’s her husband, she no longer gets that positive pay-off. This change affects the paradigm her life is built on, her own identity as a heterosexual woman, her femininity, reputation, self-worth, children, marriage and materiel well-being could all be impacted by her transgender spouse.

Conundrum is an appropriate word, “a confusing and difficult problem or question.”

That could also being the definition for transgender.

Source: Veronica Beard
Wearing Veronica Beard (Source: Veronica Beard)

Wayne Brady
Wayne Brady (center) and her fellow femulators on stage in Kinky Boots


  1. I've been there too - through the glass wall into the world of women.
    I always found that once a woman in a shop realises that you're serious about being the best woman you can possibly be, the metaphorical welcome mat is put out. I think they're pleased that we 'get it' - that we understand what clothes are all about and we're keen to learn how to put an 'outfit' together - and the fact that we respect their world.
    I had some wonderful conversations with women in shops about things I could never discuss with my wife.

  2. Paula,
    Well said. It is a conundrum...somewhat of a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
    My wife continues to deal with the "not my husband" syndrome. She is open and accepting to people being trans or, for that matter people being gay, but having a crossdressed husband chafes at her sense of order in the world. I understand that. I know the man she married and I believe she is entitled to the love and affection of that man. She is fine with me dressed around the house or even underdressed but having me come out to friends and family will have an impact on the dynamics of our lives.

  3. My ex-wife was a "no way, not ever" kinda gal. So my 2 Best Girl Friends have been wonderful for my self esteem. "Sarah" shared that she'd recently been holding hands with her fiance and when she looked down she couldn't tell who's fingers were who's. She knows that I always try to have a manicure and long-ish nails, so she said I had inspired her to be more feminine. Me!! Encouragement and support - two things I never got from my ex. Thanks you, my Sister Friends!