Saturday, September 21, 2013

All the lonely people

After the dining out portion of our girl's night out Thursday, Diana and I drove to the cocktail party at Real Art Ways (RAW).

On the third Thursday of each month, this Hartford art center hosts its Creative Cocktail Hour, which usually includes the opening of a new art exhibit, a live band, finger food and of course, creative cocktails. The crowd is very diverse and the local trans community has been showing up from the get go. In fact, one of my long-time trans friends, Audrey, is on the board of RAW.

My iPhone took me on a different route than Diana, but we arrived at RAW simultaneously! The cocktail hour began at 6 and when we arrived at 6:30, the crowd was sparse. I bought a drink and walked around looking at the art exhibits. Then we staked out a comfy wall-length couch, which became tranny central for most of the evening.

In the past, I have seen up to a dozen transwomen in attendance, but this time I counted only four including myself and Diana. RAW board member Audrey showed up as did another long-time trans friend, Deja. I chatted with Audrey and Deja like forever catching up on each other's lives.

Besides chatting, I people-watched. The size of the crowd was atypical for the RAW cocktail party. It is usually wall-to-wall people, but this time, the crowd was much thinner. Dunno why, but it was. And unlike the restaurant, where I felt invisible, the cocktail hour is a very social environment and people watched each other. Invisibility was impossible.

I noticed a number of beautifully-dressed women in attendance and the length of some of their skirts competed with mine. Some of the woman were very friendly and greeted me as if we were old friends despite the fact we had never seen each other before.

A couple of fellows came over to our group of girls, introduced themselves and chatted for awhile… mostly with Deja and not guy-shy me. (I am guy-shy because I am not interested in guys.)

I made a new friend Thursday night, Shawn. He is a friend of Audrey's and came over to chat with us. After he heard me speak, he was taken aback by my accent. When I told him I was born and raised in Waterbury, he said my accent was unlike any Waterbury accent he had ever encountered before. I mentioned that my first language was Polish and I only learned English after my parents bought a television. He thought that maybe having Polish as my language had something to do with my odd Waterbury accent. We then switched gears and talked about the Red Sox… not the ones we wear on our feet, but the ones that play in Fenway Park.

Audrey and Deja moved on to listen to the live band and Diana left for home. I listened to the band for a couple of songs, but the music sounded muddled. I suspect the acoustics of the room were at fault. Whatever --- it was not something I wanted to continue listening to, so I returned to the comfy couch to people watch.

As I sipped my second glass of lime and seltzer, I watched all the lonely people and suddenly felt lonely myself. I felt bad that I didn't try to break the ice with some of the singles who sat nearby at various times throughout the evening. And I promised to myself to do better next time.

And there will be a next time.

Andrej Pejic, femulating fashion model.

Wearing Avon Mark.


  1. I love the new hair style Stana! It really suits you. Of course you have the facial bone structure that easily says female. Not many of us can were long and straight as a hair style. On you, you look like a familiar female news caster on one of the nightly news programs, forgive my memory for not being able to put a name to her pretty face.

    And by all means. Going over to talk with people that look lonely is a beautiful thing! I'm trying to implement this in my life as well. I know how much I would have loved someone do that for me when I was all alone.

    1. Thank you for the very kind words, Joan.

  2. Hi Stana, Yes that hair does suit you. You could do the 6 o'clock news easily. The title of all the lonely people was kind of my lifes thesis while in the stage of my life that I did not accept myself as trans. Faces kept in a jar by the door. Never going out, always hiding. What a waste, many awkward moments, months, years. Then the internet came around. Found out about DES and the symptoms and conditions, took the name of Eleanor because how I felt connected to that song. The day of reckoning has come and gone, acceptance brought happiness, something I haven't felt in all those years. Seems I escaped my darker moments by seconds. Life just got great, wife got a new shopping partner, I got a new wardrobe. Thanks to you, the internet, Gender Society and others who make living livable. God Bless you all!

    1. I must echo your sentiments MabellLein (lol) and agree that the work of all the ladies like Stana who are doing the outreach that have helped everyone of us.

  3. Great post about mingling, but what a picture! That's a beautiful shot and I can't believe it's a selfie from a phone.