Sunday, July 7, 2013

Never on a Sunday

Anita asked, "Do you dress en femme when you go to church?"

My answer is a mash-up of two past blog posts: June 16, 2009 and January 21, 2010.

In June 2008, when I spent a long weekend in New York City en femme, I visited Saint Patrick’s Cathedral.
This was a big deal for me. I was raised a Roman Catholic and my religion was the source of much needless guilt about crossdressing throughout my life. I overcame the guilt years ago and now I was entering the church for the first time en femme.

I thought that my visit would be like spitting in the eye of the Church of Rome. "Take that for all the pain and suffering you brought down upon me for so long."

Instead of feeling vengeful, I felt wonderful. Your prodigal son has returned, but your son is now your daughter!

I decided to attend the Mass. I remembered and recited all the prayers and when it was time for the Sign of Peace, I exchange handshakes and "peace be with you's" with all the folks around me, or so I thought.

From behind me came an anxious voice, "Peace be with you, Ma'am. Peace be with you, Ma'am."

I realized I missed someone, so I turned around and exchanged another handshake and "peace be with you" with a fellow two rows behind me.

During the Mass, I noticed a reproduction of the famous painting, the Black Madonna of Częstochowa in one of the side altars of the cathedral.

Being a Pole, I checked it out and discovered that that side altar was dedicated to the saints of Poland. It included biographies, paintings, and sculptures of all the saints. After saying a prayer for all my deceased relatives at the side altar, I exited the cathedral.

I stopped attending church about ten years ago. I began doubting the existence of a God about that time and about a year ago, switched from being an agnostic to an atheist.

“You’re too scientific,” my daughter said upon hearing that news.

I don’t know about being “too” scientific, but I do hold science in a much higher regard than religion.

So, why did I feel “wonderful” when I attended Mass en femme at Saint Pat’s?

Do I have some doubts about atheism like I do about religion?

Did I feel spiritual because I was in such a spiritual place?

Was it nostalgia for something that had previously been part of my weekly routine?

Was it simply the thrill of being out en femme in a new venue?

Anita also asked, "Do you know what other girls do?

I don't know about all the other girls, but Barbara, one of the girls I have known for over 20 years, has been attending a local Episcopal church en femme for quite awhile. The church community has accepted her feminine persona wholeheartedly and she not only attends services, but is very active in other church activities.


  1. AnonymousJuly 07, 2013

    There are two LGBT churches in Minneapolis, Minnesota that one can go en femme.

    All God's Children MCC
    Work 3100 Park Avenue S. Minneapolis Minnesota 55407 United States

    Living Table UCC
    4001 38th Ave S
    Minneapolis, MN 55406

    The Transgender Day of Remembrance services are held at Living Table UCC. The next TDoR will be November 20, 2013

    Phoebe AKA JanetCD

  2. You can find churches that will welcome everyone if you look - a friend of mine was pretty much kicked out of (then) his church when he decided to transition and found another local one that took HER in with open arms.

  3. I was raised RC and raised eight children in that tradition. Whatever God is I found within me. There is no God to do stuff for anyone. I am One with all that is. That would include all the peoples of this life experience and all that ever were and could be
    I am with you Stana

  4. I'm more spiritual than religious now so I have no comment either way. Wearing a dress is normal and just as far as I'm concerned.

  5. Stana,
    Not that I am trying to change you but I think my experience is relevent. I too am Roman Catholic. I am active in many aspects of the church. I go to Mass whenever I can en femme because that is part of who I am. I too have felt a calm when I have attended Mass dressed. The sense of calm came over me during Mass and I took it to mean that God accepted me as he had created me, a bi-gendered individual.

    I have also spoken to several priests about my bi-genderism and they have never told me that is was wrong, sinful or that I was going to hell. They have been concerned about my mental and physical health as well as my interaction with my family.

    So, for those who are worried about God accepting you, please consider that God made you the way you are and will accept you as you are if you stay true to yourself.


  6. I've attended a synagogue while on travel in Tucson, a local one (but not mine), a church for Trans Remembrance Day, and a UU Church.

    I'd feel odd going to a church-not-my-own for a regular service.... I'd feel like I was making fun of someone's religion, which is very un-Meg (or un-my-male-side, for that matter).