Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Why are you looking at me?

2013-01-30_2004

Today, I continue addressing the questions and suggestions readers sent me in response to my call for topics that they would like me to write about or expand upon.

Joan Elizabeth Barette suggested, "I think something that would be welcomed would be if you editorialized on what your perceptions were of a particular femulated day and the interactions with others in greater detail. What do you perceive they perceive of that moment? Speculation can be so much fun!"

In past days out en femme, I tried to read the minds of everyone I encountered. I'd think, "Why did she smile at me?" or "Why is he staring at me?" or "Why did she glance at me?"

On those occasions in which I had to speak with a civilian, I often outed myself. I'd say, "You know I'm trans" or "I do drag" or "Normally, I don't dress like this."

And if I could manage it, I would avoid encounters with people altogether.

I stopped trying to read everyone's mind because I was bad at it. More than once, when I had to speak with someone (like a salesperson) and I assumed they had read me, I would out myself only to discover that they had no clue and were surprised at my revelation.

And I stopped outing myself. What the heck was I thinking when I was outing myself? 

I still wonder what the people I speak with think about me. But I seldom wonder about the people that just pass by. It would just slow me down trying to figure out what everyone was thinking.

For example, walking through the mall last week, I probably passed a couple of hundred people, but most of them were just a blur to me. I paid little or no attention to them and as a result, I am not aware if they paid any attention to me.

I did notice a few women who smiled and/or said "Hello" as they passed by, as well as a couple of guys who were checking me out the way guys check out women. In both cases, it was an affirmation of my presentation as a woman and it made me feel wonderful.

When I entered DressBarn, one of the saleswomen greeted me, but they greet everyone who enters the store, so that indicated nothing. Later, I had to ask that same saleswoman to open a dressing room for me so I could try on the dresses I found and she did so without blinking an eye.

When I paid for the dresses, the same saleswoman handled the transaction. When they ring you up at DressBarn, they ask for your phone number and it reveals who you are. My wife and I both have accounts at DressBarn, so in the past, I have been asked if I was my wife or me when I gave them my phone number.

Last week, the saleswoman, did not ask and proceeded to ring up my order. Either she perceived me to be a woman and rang me up using my wife's account or she did not care. She was pleasant throughout the transaction and we even small-talked about the weather. So, who knows how she perceived me.

And that is typical for my days out en femme.

14 comments:

  1. Just wanted to thank you Stana for elaborating on my suggestion. Like you, I'm not good are reading minds, an quite frankly I'm frustrated that I try. As after all, shouldn't I just be free to go about my day being who I am with out question. "Well ya!" but we both know that we are not. Perhaps that's where the secret lies. I know that I have practiced being me on most of my outings femulating, but I've added a new aunce being out masculating or is that emasculating the image people see when I am in the guise of a man. Not that I'm flamboyant, but I've let the guy guard down. It's been fun, and I've got my princess sister in-law knowing or at least speculating verbally that I am the "queen" in the family. And I have to shamelessly admit that it feels really good!

    Thanks again Stana!

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    1. I am a very feminine male - always have been - and that is probably why folks who know me in boy mode are not surprised when I switch to girl mode.

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  2. BTW, I love your photo, it's very much not what we normally see you in, and you very much look very relaxed!

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    1. Thank-you, Joan. It is an old photo (from 2004).

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    2. That's not that old! (just me defending the fact, that I'm not that old LOL!)

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  3. If that's a new wig its a great one! Probably one of my favorites!

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    1. Joanna, it is an old wig in an old photo (from 2004).

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  4. I love your photo, very lady like.

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  5. Stana,

    You are a very stunning woman. The more relaxed and comfortable we are when we are out and about the more we blend in. As a therapist said to me a couple of weeks ago, "I wouldn't have know from looking at you, if you hadn't said anything. There are some I meet that I can tell right off, some that raise questions, but you I never would have guessed. You are a very beautiful, well dressed, poised, and confident woman."

    When you are out: relax, smile, maintain positive thoughts, go with the flow, and try not to say anything to people about being a transwoman (because most are accepting your presentation); there will always be someone who looks at us funny, that doesn't mean that they suspect anything, so the confidence we have about who we are and how we are dressed the less we will be read. I have seen women that caused me to wonder what they where thinking when they got dressed before heading out and other that I just couldn't help but compliment them on something they were wearing.

    Liza

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    1. Liza, all good points and I'll add a nuance to them, "when you are comfortable with who you are and you bring that comfort into the world while you femulate, you make those around you comfortable?

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  6. Stana, hi.

    I've mentioned before: if I could have one "superpower" it would be to read the mind of people when they first met me.

    And when clerks ask for my phone number I usually tell them I don't have one. I say the same thing when they ask for my zip code. :)

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  7. That superpower could be a good thing or a bad thing! Sometimes, it is better not to know. As they say, "ignorance is bliss."

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