Monday, March 8, 2010

my rebirthday

I want to live more authentically than I have been living so far. I want to present as a woman as often as possible, certainly more often than I do now.

One thing that has been holding me back is work. I fear that my secret identity could come back to haunt me and that I could lose my job.

For many months, I considered going to Human Resources to find out if my fears were justified. I finally got fired up enough to do it on Friday.

I have known my HR representative for about ten years. She even saw me dressed en femme at the company Halloween party years ago. So I figured she would not be surprised when I told her that I was transgender, but she was.

We discussed my concerns in confidence. She assured me that the company had a policy that supported diversity among its employees and that my expression of diversity (in or out of the workplace) would never be grounds for dismissal.

I was relieved and elated.

She said she welcomed me to discuss the matter with her further ar any time I wanted. Then she complimented me for having the courage to broach the subject with her. I thanked her, but added that I did not think I was being courageous, I was just trying to be me.

I was so thrilled about the outcome of my meeting with HR that I decided to come out to a friend at work.

In case you don't recall, another friend invited me to attend a Landmark meeting in September, which I went to en femme. While listening to the presentation, I noticed a friend from work sitting one row in front of me, but too far away for her to notice me or for me to get her attention.

I lost track of the presentation and thought about her and me. She is a real cool person, open-minded, intelligent, and one of the friendliest people at work. I decided that during the upcoming break, I would come out to her.

At the break, she left abruptly, never returned, and I missed my chance. I thought about bringing up my missed opportunity to her a number of times and never did. But I was on a roll on Friday, so not long after my meeting in HR, I went to my friend to reveal my secret identity.

She was thrilled that I came out to her. She had a lot of questions about my secret identity and we had a good time talking about my life in high heels.

I showed her some of my photos and she said that she would have never recognized me in my secret identity. She added that I looked "lovely" and so comfortable in my female presentation.

What a day! I felt so good about what I did and how everything turned out... so good that I felt like a new person; I felt reborn.

And isn't that apropos because today is my birthday!


  1. Staci that is SUCH a great story to read! i don't know you at all, but i so enjoy reading your blog entries. Your strength is wonderful, and i have no doubt that you will always do well with whatever you do.

    Happy Birthday!!

    brianna :)

  2. Happy birthday Staci.

    I've felt the same way when I've told people at work.

    Now I've just got to find the opportunity to discuss it with HR myself.

    Your blog is really inspirational to me and a wonderful read.


  3. That's fantastic! As someone who's working towards similarly coming out at work (though sadly with less of the en femme part, it isn't aways practical in my case), hearing someone else's positive experience is a confidence boost. If Staci can do it, then damn it, so can I!

  4. That's a great story! I hope everything turns out as well as a birthday present should!

  5. Happy Birthday!

    I hope your birthday wish comes true!

  6. What does your wife think about all this?

  7. Superb Staci Lana. Truly. I can imagine your elation. What a terrific birthday gift.

    Very proud, happy, and inspired here.

    Thanks for sharing with us, and congratulations for finding a way to share the rest of you, the whole you, with the people you work with.


  8. Staci - That is great! I still have not had the courage to address the issue with my employer. It is good to know that there are places out there that are supportive. Tonya

  9. Happy birthday, Staci!

    Mine in a few days, and I never deal with birthdays very well.

    Ironic that on the day you told your boss, I did a post the content of which was pretty much of opposite of yours....

    I admire your strength, Staci.

    Calie xxx

  10. Susan McDonnellMarch 08, 2010

    sto lat, sto lat
    Niech zyje, zyje nam,
    Sto lat, sto lat,
    niech zyje, zyje nam,
    Jeszcze raz, jeszcze raz, niech zyje, zyje nam,
    niech zyje nam!

    That was hell To type on my BlackBerry.

  11. Congratulations and happy birthday! And good for your HR director and your co-worker.

    Although I am kind of curious --- like Anonymous --- how your wife feels. If you don't mind sharing that, I'd be interested to hear about it.

  12. Hi Stacy,

    I love your blog. And please accept my warmest wishes for your birthday. Many happy returns.

    All the best,

  13. Did you get that assurance in writing?

  14. Beautiful!

    We are going to have to talk on Friday. :-)

  15. Happy birthday, Staci! :D

    And I'm very happy to hear that you're heading down the road to "rebirth", as you put it. It seems like you're off to a great start and I know this story will have a happy ending (or *continuation*, I should probably say). You have clear goals, a sound mind, and a beautiful gift just waiting to be shared with the rest of the world. I'm so glad you have the courage to be yourself, not only online, but also (hopefully soon) more so in your offline "real world" life as well. :)

  16. That took courage, Staci....

    Well done, petal.. :-)


  17. Two people asked how your wife feels about your bold step. You allowed the posts to appear but so far have chosen to ignore the question.

    I suspect all is not rainbows and butterflies in her world.

    So many of those who follow your blog seem to be living vicariously through you so maybe you are reluctant to harsh the buzz. I suspect rather than congratulating your for you bravery and strength she may describe your actions as selfish and inconsiderate.

    You're married. You are not a single entity beholden only to yourself. Actions this large affect her as well.

  18. Thank you all for your positive thoughts. In my blog post today, I wrap up some loose ends regarding my rebirthday.