Monday, March 29, 2010

fixing my name

namebadge100329 When I was femulating in the privacy of my own closet, it never occurred to me to pick a female name because my femulation had no contact with the world outside my closet, but things changed.

In the early 1980s, I discovered the Genderline group on CompuServe. I spent hours reading its contents and eventually, I had a few questions I wanted to ask the group. The problem was that everyone on Genderline used a female name to avoid outing themselves with their male names. So I had to come up with my own female name before I posted my first message.

The easy way out was to use the feminine version of my male name, for example, Dean becomes Deanna, Steven becomes Stephanie, Eric becomes Erica, and Jordan becomes Jordan. I am always in favor of the path of least resistance, so I decided to use the feminine version of Stan.

Coming up with a feminine version of Stan was a bit of a stretch. The convoluted route I followed was Stan to Stanley to Stanislaus to Anastacia to Staci.

Haste makes waste, so they say, and I have regretted my rushed choice of Staci ever since.

--- Most people spell it wrong; Stacy, Stacie, or Stacey, seldom Staci.

--- I wanted a girly name, not an either-or name! When written, Stacy, Stacie, or Stacey can be either a male or female name, whereas "Staci" is strictly female. Since few people get my name right, their error results in giving me a genderless name. When anyone speaks my name, it is always genderless because you can't tell that my name ends with an "i" when spoken.

--- I dunno about you, but I always associate a name with the first person I ever met who had that name. The first and second women I met with the name "Staci" were memorable in very different negative ways.

So, I am not thrilled with my name and have considered changing it. 

Awhile back, I kicked around the idea of changing my name to "Lana." I polled my blog readers and 2 out of 3 of you said to stick with Staci. I followed your suggestion, however, I began using Lana as my middle name, but up front, I was still stuck with Staci.

Over a year ago, I discovered a Slavic female name that is a direct feminine derivation of Stan: Stana.

I first became aware of Stana when I acquired a postcard depicting a female impersonator named Stana Behavy. Shortly after, I learned of a 5'9" actress to add to my Famous Females of Height List. Her name was Stana Katic (she now appears in the ABC television series Castle).

I filed the name away for the future.

A few days ago, I e-mailed some recent photos to a co-worker, who knows about my femulating.

She e-mailed back, "You’re so cute Stan…very lovely.  Hot dress…love the color too."

Reading that response made me think.

I am out to people who know me only by my male name and I intend to come out to more people who know me only by my male name.

Why not make it easier for them by using a female name so similar to my male name? "Stan" and "Stana" are so interchangeable that one does not have to worry about slipping up when speaking my name? No one, certainly not I, will call them out if they say "Stan" when they intended to say "Stana" and vice versa. "Stan" can even be considered short for "Stana."

And I like the name. It rhymes with "Anna," the object of my first puppy love. It is unique (I always like to be unique). And it is a good fit, that is, it simply suits me.


  1. Stan:

    I prefer Staci. Stan reminds me of Oliver Hardy's partner.

  2. Mazel tov Stana! What a privilege we have being able to name ourselves. Always nice to see the privilege exercised.

    Long happy years to Stana.

    xxoo - Petra

  3. Stana works for me. Has an exotic ring to it that Staci lacks.

    I chose my name because it was similar to my male name and using just my first initial for shipping on-line orders made life easier when it was the same letter male or female. Maybe it's time for a change.


  4. Staci or Stana? In my most humble of opinions both are equally nice, and whichever you decide to use, you are still you, the lovely person we feel we've come to know and love. Maybe the saying is true, "A rose by any other name...."??

    Jayne-Louise MacGregor

  5. I like Stana. With all due respect, "Staci" sounds a bit Valley Girl-ish for my tastes.

    Petra: Naming ourselves is one of the rewards we get for choosing to live by our true gender identities.

    In case you're curious: My current name bears no relation to my male name. I chose it because I love it and because it's what my mother would have named me had I gotten that "F" on my birth certificate. As it happens, my current name is also that of a classmate who was the first woman I looked at and said (to myself): "She's who I want to be!"

  6. Whatever you choose it is the correct decision because it is YOUR decision.

    I do like Staci but, like you, I do like a rather unique name. My first femme name was based on my male name and dates back to those Compuserve days you spoke of. My current name was originally chosen when I needed something quick for a temporary email address. Now, it has stuck with me for several years. I might get used to it one of these days.

    All of this reminds me of the song,

    "That's Not My Name", by
    the Ting Tings:

    Take a listen and see if you can relate, Stana.

    Calie xxx

  7. Um, Stana Lana?


  8. I think too many TG people choose names that sound like stage names. Choosing an odd spelling for a common name and being pedantic about it seems like odd behaviour. There's always a danger, in wanting to pass, that one tries too hard and makes it obvious.
    But maybe that's just me, and a name means something different to you; and maybe you don't want to pass as you admire people who are out about their TGness. I admire them too, but I don't want to be out.
    I have nonetheless have a similar name problem. I chose the most obvious feminised version of my name when I changed over, and get called all sorts of things as most people seem to think it's very unusual, which I hadn't expected, because I've seen it reasonably often. But I feel stuck with it, and just suffer it as thought it were my given name, and find the variations interesting. Yet
    I sometimes wish I'd chosen something really obvious and normal - looked up the commonest name for my age group or something.