Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Fear of Height

First time en femme among the civilians
Reading Paula’s post on Monday about being paralyzed by fear when attempting to go out en femme brought to mind my own going out en femme fears.

For years, I only went out en femme to attend support group meetings and support group-sponsored outings to restaurants, beauty salons, wig stores, etc. I was closeted the rest of the time because I feared that I would not pass due to my height (six foot two).

On at least one occasion, I made up my mind that I would go to the mall en femme. I drove to the mall, parked my car, sat in my car and finally got out of my car. And quickly got back in my car and drove home. Mission Not Accomplished!

There are not many women who measure up to my height, so my fear was justified. I resigned myself to being closeted forever. But then I began taking names – the names of women of height

Women of height affirmed my existence as a tall woman, i.e., I was not the only tall woman out and about in society. Few were as tall as me, but maybe there were enough out there so that I could blend in more easily as just another tall woman.

With new confidence, I drove to the mall again, parked my car, sat in my car, finally got out of my car, walked into the mall and the rest is herstory! 

It was not a perfect outing. A couple of women reacted in a manner that indicated that they might have figured me out. And that’s not surprising because it was my first time out among the civilians; I was a little nervous and might have done something to give myself away. Either that or they were just in awe of my Amazonian beauty (yeah – that's the ticket).

By the end of the day, I was strutting my stuff like a full-time woman. It felt wonderful. My fear of height was gone and I never hesitated again going out en femme among the civilians.

Source: Rue La La
Wearing Bailey44

Womanless wedding
Womanless wedding, circa 1960


  1. Fear of heights. Cute 🌸😂

    We have so much in common as sisters sharing binds us in community

    I was there with you as you went thru that mall

  2. As for me, I reject the idea that one must be genetically and fully physically female to be feminine. I know plenty of women who have zero interest in dresses, makeup or heels. Just because they aren’t traditionally feminine, are they any less female? Emphatically, no.
    While I think I might very well have passed for female once or twice, I am happy to be recognized as a man in a dress. Why shouldn’t everyone have the opportunity to be interested in these wonderful accoutrements and the techniques for using them? Why should being a penis-bearing person be a reason for exclusion from this delightful expression?
    For the last few years, I have presented as fully dressed in heels, hose makeup and wig when the temperature is below 70 degrees. Anything above that I’m out in genderqueer presentation. No wig, no makeup, sometimes not even shaved legs or chest. In this manner, I am enjoying the freedom that was denied to me as a youth. A light floaty dress on a hot day with just sandals, jewelry and panties is perfect.

  3. I think it took 4 trips for me to get out of the car -- but once started I cannot stop. My last mall trip found me in Victoria's Secret. I was looking at the teddys, and when the sales girl asked if I needed any help I told her my 25th anniversary is coming up (true) and I was looking for ideas. She then pointed out 1 or 2 items that she thought would flatter my figure. - - - - - I floated out of that store!

  4. I love Stana's list of tall women. I'm a supporter of non-revenue sports at Maryland University, especially women's basketball and volleyball. I find it a treat to be among a nearly total team of young women who are all taller than me! And women's sports are getting more air time on TV, which means the general public gets to see lots and lots of tall women. When I was a kid, people would gawk at tall women and single them out. Those tall women would scrunch themselves down to seem less tall. I worked with a woman who had severe back problems as a result of years of "spinal misuse".

    These days the general public sees many women who are tall and carry themselves tall and proud -- and unless the person is like a Britney Griner they don't pay any attention. I'll add that those same people would also take note of men who are 6'9" and taller. Will some folks still check us out? Sure. But they don't know us and we don't know them, so we can just see their "oogling" and keep on moving. On very rare occasions I've been asked by a stranger about wearing my women's clothes. I answered politely and truthfully. When asked about being gay, I told the lady about the vast number of crossdressing men being hetero. I didn't answer her direct question, nor did I respond to questions about "padding". I should have told her I'd answer more questions if she took mw to lunch. I suspect that would have shut her up -- or led to a very interesting afternoon.

    So we find ourselves at that old "personal comfort zone". In my case, I found it when I went out with a gaggle of other crossdressers after my first CD/TG meeting. Some of the ladies would have passed without getting a blink, some would have gotten a quizzical look and others, myself included, would have gotten the, "That's a man" look, But there we were, all out and enjoying ourselves and letting the rest of the world go by, so to speak. I gave myself permission to be out and about as Mikki that night. In going out by myself, I think about what any woman who's going to attract any attention would do. Is it a safe location? What kind of people are there? Would I be in a comfort zone as my alter ego? Pretty normal stuff. Because the world has moved on and has better things to do. Hell, drag clubs are flourishing in "red states" these days. Toleration abounds. We just need to know we'll be safe where we go, and let nasty looks and worrying about what strangers think just roll off our backs.

    I just thought about a fun incident at a restaurant I had with three other ladies. I had the most direct line of sight to an old guy who was giving us a disapproving stare. I told the girls about it and when the guy turned to stare again we all gave him a similar look right back. If he had turned away any more abruptly I think he might have injured his neck! We didn't get any more stares. We had a good laugh.