Thursday, January 13, 2022


“I find your approach to trans and even cross-dressing completely unfathomable (you have always really been a woman while the women in your ‘funnies’ are really boys)”

The above comment came my way last week and I asked the commenter to expound on those words.

“In Mother Night Vonnegut notes that ‘You are who you pretend to be, so be very careful about who you pretend to be.’

“One problem with the classic Virginia Prince/FPE/SSS definition of crossdresser is that it demands a kind of schizophrenic performance, being both ‘woman’ and ‘heterosexual male’ at the same time, boundaries enforced by the consensus of the group which says that slipping too far into queer is betraying truth and right.

“When you have Funnies that are based on the joke that one of the women is ‘really’ a boy, you highlight that kind of conflict in policing ourselves intended to enforce social binaries and deny any possibility of transformation. Are we our performance or is that too radical an idea, one that might allow boundary slip and allow us to let go of status and privilege.

“I understand how you feel a need to hold onto your history, onto assumptions placed on your biology, because letting those defences slip feels scary and radical.

“But as Ms. Finney Boylan notes, if trans is just regular on Jeopardy is it really radical anymore? Or is it just scary to those who feel a need to cling to some kind of enforced separation?

“Your own long held and deep trans nature is obvious. So is your need to hang onto habitual handles of self-policing.  

“It’s up to you to find your own balance.

“Just one more point.

“No matter how liminal April Ashley knew herself to be, knowing her birth sex and biology, knowing that she passed between worlds, I bet in her many decades of life she never felt the urge to announce ‘But I'm a boy!’

“Thinking is the only way I have found to move beyond culturally implanted expectations, assumptions and habits.”

So the question for me is: Am I a woman or a female impersonator?

Source: New York & Company
Wearing New York & Company

Andee attending her local support group's holiday party.



  2. I am not deep enough to understand all that, they may or may not be right, but I wonder if Commenter understands the concept of "funnies" and I doubt they are much fun at parties.

    1. Deep enough?
      Dont blame yourself. The above diatribe was a SHALLOW MISH-MASH of non sequitur edits from various non related writers.

      The issue is that this blog belongs to STANA, and she can do damn well as she pleases. Take it or leave it.
      Everyone here is having a GOOD TIME, dealing with themselves as best they can.
      Someday Funnies has a grand, irreverent,satiric history from the pages of "Mad" and "National Lampoon" magazines. If you have never read those magazines as a young person, you will probably not appreciate such humor.
      I have made my own 'MEMES', 'Photo Funnies'--call them what you will--. Sometimes, Stana accepts the meme for publication, sometimes, NOT. No hard feelings, as my sense of humor was bent in my youth, and I can really go overboard, but so what? I am having fun. Besides I can rarely resist a good screenshot of T-rump and a headline in need of snarky comment!
      Such humor has a grand history of youth defacing advertising and political posters by giving the attendant face a cigar, eyepatch, facial scar, Hitler mustache ect...
      Try your own at

  3. Lighten up, the funnies are just that....funnies.

  4. You are who you perceive yourself to be...a woman.

  5. Stana, I believe you, yourself have defined it better than any psychiatrist or "armchair psychologist" ever could with the term "Femulate". "Crossdresser" and "Female Impersonator" are both physical descriptions. In my opinion, to femulate is to not only adopt the look and characteristics of a female, but to BECOME that person. It's almost a spiritual thing. How we may look, or how people may perceive us, is secondary to how we feel about ourselves deep inside. I personally feel those who concentrate on the superficial, without making the effort to look deep inside others are shallow and certainly not people I care to associate with.

    1. I agree that there is a spiritual aspect to all this. It is not just a shallow surface thing.

  6. My questions to you would be, start do you feel most like? Nevermind society or rigid labels, what works for you?

  7. What a load of deep thinking crap! Be what or who you want to be, even if it's several times a day. Actually now, no-one gives a monkey's. Of course be careful if only to protect those you love but the rest of them out there? Get out and flaunt it!

  8. That is the question that at some point we all need to sit our selves down and address. For many of us it takes years or even decades to settle on an answer. Once we have the answer then the next question is "What am I going to do about it?"

    Both of these questions are ones that only we can answer, no one else can answer them for us, not a therapist, not a spouse, not a parent, only ourselves.

  9. This isn't the first time someone got worked up over the Funnies here. I don't think people should take the Funnies for anymore than what they are at face value.

  10. Actually, I've had the same confusion when reading your personal posts. I'm not sure if you are posting subtle, sometimes humorous, insights into your personal journey or just presenting the broad spectrum of TG activities of which you are only one piece.

  11. It's all about expression. Express what you want to express; express yourself the way you want to express yourself.

  12. The answer is..."yes". You are who you are on a sliding scale of from here to there. Comments such as those remind me of psychologists whom I suspect get into the field to sort themselves out by trying to sort you out (I have met more than one). Only you can decide what label you want to wear - preferably designer if you want to pick one but, do you really want to? I don't think that it's necessary for a usually light-hearted blog. You keep on being you - that's why I'm here :-;

  13. Funnily enough, last weekend a fellow T-girl and I chatted about identities this weekend. One of us pointed way too often we trade the box of being ashamed of being transgender for the box of what transgender should be. In other words if we act or feel in a way others isn't consistent with our gender identity we feel we're being hypocritical or "sellouts". In reality, just like everyone an identity is just a vague way to catergorize the complexity of individuals.
    And to the Funnies I love them. So what if somebody doesn't like they fit the ideal of what a Tgirl should be? Isn't most humor based on exaggeration? Plus it fits into the long tradition of minorities--be they Jewish, black, or gay--using humor to both build a sense of community and explain themselves (and hopefully humanize themselves) to outsiders.

  14. Unfathomable commentator is right in stating that there are high costs to going back and forth and not claiming our heart/identity with immersion (and instead a flip flop of momentary glimpses of being seen). I've been full-time for over 11 years now and never did I think I'd have the full time job and healthy relationships with clientele and friends/family as I do now back when I was oscillating in turmoil.
    It is clear to me that femulate feels the most happy, seen, present, and joyful when she is reflected back as such by others in her public outings. I respect all people with where they are in their journeys and the choices they make to integrate or hold back depending on what's at stake. But to me, the cost of even going back 10 minutes into my former manly presentation would be Unfathomable.
    Stana, what're you willing to say no to? Or do you want it all with no costs or tradeoffs (which we know doesn't work in the real world)?

  15. This is the type of stuff you’ll see on the Reddit transgender subs, they go round and round in circles with this type of thinking and prevaricating, often you banning others who express opinions that don’t match their narrative or political correctness,

    Let’s face it people or society has been defining us putting us down the bottom line here is now we get to define ourselves, not other transgender political activist, we get to define ourselves, Stana we love you

  16. Stana, not your first troll but for sure a thought provoking intellectual trying to be as harmful as one who posts “ you fat ugly stupid witch”

    His comment and question brought up an interesting topic of discussion

    We live our lives as we wish and present ourselves as we wish we own our own feelings

    I am grateful for how I feel about my own gender identity and my therapist agreed


  17. Personally, I love your "funnies". And, I think to be forced to choose between "crossdresser" and "woman" is too simplistic. We need new words to describe who we are and what we feel.

  18. Sally StoneJanuary 14, 2022

    Wow! This post struck a nerve, didn't it? Stana, I love that you posted this. It shows you aren't afraid to let someone with views that don't align with your own express theirs. I think that is healthy for discourse, which in my humble opinion, is sorely lacking these days. Of course, I completely disagree with this poster's views. Being trans is extremely complex and it's definition varies from person to person - just like being a human being. There are plenty of other blog sites out there for those with narrow-minded views about gender and gender expression. I'm just glad this blog site isn't one if them.

  19. As for me, I am neither a woman nor a female impersonator. I am genetically, biologically and structurally male, but I reject the socially constructed gender binary. I cook, I clean, I take care of children. I appreciate art and culture over violent sports. Most days it’s easy to dress like a boy in t-shirt and jeans. Sometimes I like to wear a dress and I love the way it looks on my obviously male body. Sometimes I like to go full femme in makeup, a bra, heels and a flattering frock. I assert my right to choose how I present myself every day. 100 years ago, the idea that women couldn’t vote simply because they are women was finally rejected because it simply doesn’t hold water. Why do I need to give credence to the idea that “boys don’t wear those clothes” when every day the majority of American women get to pick and choose how feminine they present themselves? Stana’s Funnies bring this ridiculous construct to light in an entertaining way.

  20. On a much lighter note, that NY & Company outfit is fabulous!

    Ciao! Elise

  21. "Am I a woman or a female impersonator?" After a great deal of soul searching and deep thought, I have come to the conclusion Stana is all that you need to be called. Pretty much sums it up to me.

  22. Am I a woman, a female impersonator or a man born with a womans' brain?

  23. I think you are what you say you are. I have never liked labels because they try to box you into a definition that is not necessarily what you would choose for yourself. That's why I think everyone is what they choose to be from their own perspective. And what others think about you shouldn't have the slightest relevance.

  24. Why does everyone try to keep putting everyone into neat boxes. We are all who we are. Some are born genetically male and some genetically female (and some neither or both) but we can all inhabit the full male/female/both/neither spectrum and we can also shift positions in that spectrum over time. Let's all just be comfortable with that.

    You are you.