Monday, May 24, 2021

Going Straight

By Gina V

When I stopped working for the man and embarked on the road less-travelled, it was not exactly coincidental that it took me to a provincial city that happened to have the largest and best-known gay scene in the country. As they say, “where there’s smoke, there’s fire,” so I deduced there would be a fairly active transvestite one within it. And my intuition proved me correct. So once I had broken the ice,* I filled my (3-inch) boots accordingly.

However, if taking a diversion into Straightsville was ever going to be an option, I knew that would always be a much tougher task. For unlike the gay scene, there would be no quarter given and experiencing such a trip without being subjected to ridicule (or worse) depended on being 100% convincing in every way. 

Plus, unlike others in my position (like Stana, for example), despite being informed on numerous occasions that I could pass when dressed, my chronic low self- esteem told me otherwise. Not to mention the fear of experiencing a similar fate to the soldier who goes AWOL by disguising himself as a woman in the film The Triple Echo! Therefore, my few steps into that world were taken very gingerly.

My first experience was going out with my landlord (who was in “mufti”) one afternoon in his car to visit a trans chum of his. With that in mind, I wore a much shorter wig and far less makeup than usual (in the hope of looking more like my sister than Joan Collins) plus a sober grey skirt suit to try and blend in with the scenery. 

But, as if being out in Straightsville in broad daylight for the first time wasn’t scary enough, he insisted on stopping on the way to visit an off license in one of the roughest parts of town – leaving me on my own in the car, where suddenly the windows seemed to get a lot larger. Despite making sure the doors were locked, I was petrified that a gang of youths would come around the corner any second, immediately twig what I was and then smash the windows to drag me out onto the street for a good kicking! But we made it back home with said friend being another who complimented me on my convincingness.

My second (and final) daytime exposure was when I wanted to get a new wig from a salon in the city center and my landlord (who was again driving in mufti) advised me that I would only really know if one suited me if I were dressed for the occasion. So again, I tried to present myself as best I could (perhaps, my hemline could have been a bit lower in retrospect!) in order to merge in seamlessly with the many shoppers and others going about their business. Even so, the walk of a few hundred yards from car park to shop was an ordeal of fire, with me half-expecting a lynch mob to give chase at any moment. However, we arrived at the salon without incident and I wore my new purchase as we made our way back to the car (again, without anyone seemingly being phased).

As a result of that, one thing I learned that can head suspicious straights off at the pass is to step out in the company of a man. Especially one that is straight (or at least straight-acting/looking). I was once out on the local gay scene with an admirer and we queued to get into a club on a night transvestites were admitted free of charge, while everyone else had to pay. And when it came to my turn, the doorman informed me it would cost me two quid!** As such, when my companion walked me through the city center afterwards, it was no surprise that no one batted an eyelid at what they saw as an ordinary couple heading home after a night on the town.

So on the odd occasion out and about in Straightsville, I have managed to get away with it visually. However, the voice is the enemy of the convincing crossdresser! Although I can sing a lot higher than most men (and in a more-than-passable female tone to boot), sadly, I know that I need to work on my femme speaking voice. And as such, I envy my American cousins for their casual drawl allied to relative-freedom to express themselves emotionally, which means they are more likely to succeed in that regard than stiff upper-lipped Limeys. So until now, that has been a good reason why my sorties into Straightsville have been few and far between.

However, as one whose trans persona is becoming ever more apparent, maybe the time has come to try and overcome that hurdle in order that my public appearances are no longer restricted to gay zones? As they say: Watch this space…

* On my first night out on said scene, someone told me I looked like Monica Lewinsky!
** I now wish I had just paid up rather than protested – ha ha


Wearing Boston Proper
Wearing Boston Proper


Brian Deacon femulating in the 1972 UK film The Triple Echo.
Brian Deacon femulating in the 1972 UK film The Triple Echo.

9 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 24, 2021

    Gina
    I cannot see anything in your two pictures that suggests you are not the average woman I see everyday in the street
    Lucy

    ReplyDelete
  2. A crossdresser's biggest enemy is self doubt. Know that you LOOK fantastic, Sweetie, and work on the voice until you feel comfortable with it. (advice from one who went through all this as well and came out the other side feeling pretty and feminine)

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  3. AnonymousMay 24, 2021

    On the left in the Femulator picture is Oliver Reed who was a very fine British actor.
    Penny from Edinburgh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, that's right - an english acting legend, who was as much renowned for his off-screen carousing as he was for the larger-than-life roles he played in films over 40 years. and whose tough-guy army character "fell" for brian deacon's tranny deserter in the "the triple echo", and made sure he exacted full revenge for suffering that "humiliation" accordingly!

      Delete
    2. AnonymousMay 27, 2021

      In college, I was so anxious to read that book, but the only copy available was in the library's rare book collection, as it was autographed. I had to read it with a librarian watching.

      Delete
  4. AnonymousMay 24, 2021

    Gina, those are great pictures. You certainly passed. You really should get out in public in daylight. I have shopped in Manchester en femme during the day. You will be fine.
    Penny from Edinburgh.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 25, 2021

    Gina
    Being nervous and locking the doors is perfectly normal for a woman alone in a car in a rough part of town
    Having a man by your side when out in the evening is much safer than being alone
    The first part of your comment about your hemline also says female
    The way you are thinking and acting like a non TG woman suggests to me your trans persona is stronger than you realise
    Lucy

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousMay 25, 2021

    Gina. Maybe some day I will be able to relate my story. But thank you.

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  7. thank you to those who have offered encouragement with regard to possible future jaunts into straightsville. another big reason for not having done so for many years now was putting on wieght after those pics were taken, and always struggling to take it off again. i actually managed to get fairly close to the shape i was in back then at the end of 2019, as a result of working on a cabaret show. and had hoped to make use of that in the new year with regard to having dates with admirers, and even maybe stepping out in straightsville with them as a result?

    however of course the bloody virus put paid to that, as like many i have been forced to spend most of the time since at home (and piling on the pounds accordingly - i know how sisyphus feels ha ha). hopefully i shall start rolling that boulder up the hill again later this year, via doing more gigs and shows once things are "normal"?

    ReplyDelete