In response to my clip-on earrings post on Monday, Robin wrote urging me to get my ears pierced. She mentioned that if the pain of getting my ears pieced was the issue, I had nothing to fear but ear fear itself, because the pain "was nothing."
I replied that I usually get my teeth fixed without Novocain or whatever they use these days, so pain is not an issue.. Rather, my spouse is the issue.
She is not thrilled with the fact that her husband is a woman, but she realizes that I must let my girl out for air once in awhile. I appreciate that she is OK with me being the authentic me some of the time, but I don't want to rub her nose in it.
Everyday, she sees signs that remind her that her husband is a woman.
We share a walk-in closet and as she enters it, she encounters a rack now half full of her husband's dresses, skirts, blouses, and slacks. On the floor below those pretty things are countless boxes containing her husband's high heels. Next to the shoes are storage totes containing her husband's lingerie and hosiery. Next to the totes is her husband's cosmetics box. Still other totes contain her husband's jewelry and purses. And on the shelf above her tops and jeans is a tote containing her husband's coiffures.
If I dress as a woman when my spouse is home, I avoid my spouse so that she does not see her husband as a woman because she has often said, "I don't want to see you dressed as a woman." (On occasion, curiosity gets the best of her and she wants to see how I look, but I don't show her unless she is interested.)
My body has signs that may remind her that I am a woman. My hairless arms, legs, breasts, shoulders and back are the most obvious signs.
Less obvious are my neatly maintained eyebrows (eyeglasses hide how neat and feminine they actually look).
She never mentions the stuff in our closet, nor my shaved body, nor my feminized eyebrows --- out of sight, out of mind.
But if I had my ears pierced, there would be no way to hide that from her. It would be a constant reminder that I am a woman, so I let it be.
Wearing Light in the Box.
Femulating British sailor, circa 1910