Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Monday Woman

Besides experiencing my worst nightmare on Monday, the rest of my day out went well.

My 40-minute drive to Southern Connecticut State University was uneventful. I parked my car and met MaryAnn, who had parked her car a few spots just north of my spot. Inside the classroom building, we met up with Professor Schildroth and Michelle, the third part of our trio of presenters.

After the six students showed up, we watched half-hour of a film titled Switch: A Community in Transition. It was a documentary about a woman, who is half of a lesbian couple and has transitioned to male and how that transition affects her "community." It was very interesting and someday, I would like to see the rest of the film.

Professor Schildroth asked me to show the class my blog, which we projected on the big screen (Coming Soon: Femulate: The Movie!) and to talk about my experience at my law school reunion. I also threw in a very short version of my biography. After I was done, MaryAnn and Michelle gave their biographies and we waited for questions from the students.

The jury is still out on my prediction that the students would be less intimidated asking questions because the class was small. Four students asked questions, two did not, but the quality of the questions was better than usual.

One question was a new one for me: When did I know I was trans?

My answer: Growing up, I knew I was different because my peers and adults made it painfully clear that I was different. Basically, they thought I was a sissy and basically, I was just being myself.

Around puberty, I discovered crossdressing and I found it to be a good match for "myself." After that, I considered myself to be "a plain vanilla crossdresser," which in retrospect, was my way of denying that I was transsexual.

After living as a woman in New York City for four-days in June 2009, it was then that I realized that I am a woman.

After class, Professor Schildroth invited us to lunch at a nearby restaurant. Being noon hour, the place was packed, but a table was cleared for us and we were seated among the throng. I noticed a few people checking us out, but there was nothing untoward. It could have been nothing more than people just checking out other people the way people do. The waitstaff (both male and female) referred to us as "ladies" and so it goes.

I was a bit frustrated ordering my meal. The first two things I ordered were not available, so I settled for soup and salad.

We chatted about the class and read the students' comments. I was mentioned specifically in one comment --- something to the effect that I was not as "open" as MaryAnn and Michelle. Go figure?

I said my goodbyes and departed about 2 PM because I thought I had to be home soon, but when I called home from my car, I discovered that I did not need to be home so soon and had more time to be myself. So I went shopping at a nearby DressBarn.

As I walked into  DressBarn, I noticed a dress hanging on a headless mannequin that I thought would be perfect for me (the dress, not the mannequin). The dress on the mannequin was my size, but I could only find larger sizes on the racks, so I asked a saleswoman to get me the dress off the mannequin. I took it and another dreamy dress to the dressing room.

The dress was a "Draped Brooch Shift" that is "Cinched slightly left of center by a slender brooch, this cap-sleeve shift drapes effortlessly. Fixed side wrap detail with brooch."

It fit like a glove, looked nice on me (IMHO), so I bought it. (That's me wearing it in the photo.)

The other dress was a metallic copper-colored shutter pleat cocktail dress from the 70% off clearance rack. I would have bought it if it fit properly. The first one I tried on was too small; I could not zip it up all the way. The second one I tried on was one size larger, but it was too big. Facing front, it looked very nice, but in profile, there was room for a lot more stomach than I ever wanted to be burdened with, so I gave it up.

After DressBarn, I experienced my worst nightmare, which you can read all about in yesterday's post. As it turned out, I passed that test, but there is no need to be tested like that again!

Fashion Note

Monday was the first time I wore thigh high stockings and I was very happy with this new (for me) hosiery option. They stayed high on my thigh the whole day; there was very little slippage.

I had close encounters with objects that often resulted in pulls and runs in my pantyhose. My Berkshire thigh highs had no problems with those same objects.

The only negative thing about wearing thigh highs is that I was very aware of the silicon band that held them up. The bands were not too tight and did not hurt; nor did they leave a mark on my legs after I removed them. But I could feel them on my thighs the whole time I wore the stockings. I imagine that I will get used to the bands after awhile. It certainly is not a show-stopper and I plan to add more thigh highs to my wardrobe real soon now.


  1. Stana, I'm curious of the age difference between you, Maryann and Michelle? As it might have something to do with the audience participants comment about you being not as "open" as the others. Firstly I find it hard to believe you weren't open. From all your posts I believe you speak from your heart and with total honesty. I'm wondering if it isn't the age difference and the way the younger generation talks and expects to be talked to.
    being more mature, maybe a little wiser and traveled, we seem reserved and less spontaneous to those a little more naive to the world and very open with everything in their lives.

    And I as well would like to see that movie. Gender is so different then sex, and when there are specific life styles that revolve around one more then the other, I think the contrasts stand out even more.

    Thanks for all you do for the community and your readers.

  2. You are probably much more polished than the other presenters, who may use a more raw and more modern style.

    That polish serves you well as a professional, but it can easily get in the way of self-awareness.

    You speak of the way you want things to be, not the challenges and struggles of being, which you often seem to compartmentalize outside of your crossdressing.

    You know what you want to be seen as, no doubt, but struggle, challenge, insight and deeper awareness often seem to be messy bits that you leave aside to keep your two lives running smoothly.

  3. Stana, you know I love your posts, please allow me to share this story: I was once eating at a restaurant where the waitstaff and everyone else knew me very well, I was a heavy tipper. I was also dressed in common man-drab and entered with two similarly dressed men.

    We were seated and as our drink orders were taken my companions were addressed as sirs but when it came to my turn to be asked what I wanted, I was addressed as madam. You could hear a pin drop at our table! But the smile on the waiter's face, I thought and felt, was genuine. So genuine, I left him a $50 dollar (USD) tip! I was simply flattered.

    No, I was not intimate with any of these men!

    My dinner buddies and I walked to a nearby bar to finish the evening where the general topic at our table became my desire, or at least the inclination, for me to cross dress in public.

    Arguments on all sides were made and it was obviously a foregone conclusion, or a general inference, that I was a man but quite gay. At this point I cared less to explain myself.

    I personally welcome your politeness because, IMHO, it is nothing less than good manners or a good showing of etiquette. Politeness, according to Wikipedia however, is a culturally defined phenomenon and therefore what is considered polite in one culture can sometimes be seen as eccentric in another culture.

    Forgive me, but its my opinion that modern young persons seem to check their manners at the door with regard to speakers. Kind of like the Beatles (the world's greatest musicians!) singing about Jo Jo being a man who thought he was a woman!

    Some things are just conflicting and it merely depends on what your point of view is. BTW, I'm a pantyhose kind of boi, I like my skirts very (extremely) short and regular stockings or thigh highs do nothing for that image.

  4. Apart from the breakdown, which turned out well, it sounds like a pretty good day all together. As for Hold ups my experience is that they don't, of course it may be the brand, it may be the way I do my laundry, or even the shape (not much) of legs but this girl only wears stockings with the security of a suspender belt.

  5. Joan --- I am 61. MaryAnn is about ten years older and Michelle is about ten years younger.

  6. Stana,
    It sounds like a great day. I continue to commend you on all of your outreach sessions. I am sure that the 6 students have a better understanding of TG. I am also sure that everyone that you encountered during the rest of the day while eating, shopping, car crisis, etc. all came away with a more positive impression of TG.
    Thank you for all that you do.

    PS: My preference continues to be pantyhose. One of the beautiful aspects of womenhood is the variety of clothes that they can select to wear.