Wednesday, June 17, 2009

womanhattan: the end

Monday was a half day en femme.

I attended the last day of the workshop en femme, then returned to my hotel to change into boy mode for my trip back home. As a result, I did not have much interaction with the public at large en femme.


I can look back and laugh at myself now, but you know what I worried about the whole time I was in Manhattan? I feared that while I was walking around town, someone would recognize me as a guy, grab my wig, and run off with it! (I brought an extra wig just in case.)


The photo shows me dining with Prometheus at the Rink Bar restaurant in the heart of Rockefeller Center.


In conclusion, I found myself.

Everything just fell into place.

* Getting cold feet about attending the workshop en femme

* Phoning the workshop to find out if they had any issues about my attendance en femme.

* Getting their green light of support to attend in whatever way I felt most comfortable.

* Finding a group of fellow attendees, who did not shun me, but respected me.

* The group's respect motivated me to be completely up front with them about my transness.

* My planned "show 'n' tell" became a natural conduit for coming out.

* The group's respect seemed to grow ten-fold after I came out.

* Coming out freed all my stress about the workshop; I really let myself go and apply myself fully in the workshop...

* Which permitted me to get a lot out of the workshop that I will apply in my career as a writer.

There was always the possibility that something could go wrong, but it did not. Maybe I was just lucky, maybe I was well-prepared, maybe some higher power was watching over me, I dunno.

But I do know that integrating all of me at the workshop permitted me to integrate myself outside the workshop, too. I was myself throughout the day rather than trying to impersonate someone else. And integrated as myself, I felt very confident about myself.

An example: one morning after I dressed en femme, I adjusted the thermostat in my hotel room and somehow managed to shutdown the system. Nothing I tried could bring the system back to life, so I called the front desk and they said they would send someone up. In the recent past, I would have panicked and changed into boy mode as quickly as possible. But, that morning, I stayed in girl mode. When the maintenance man showed up, I interacted with him without concern or nervousness and he reacted in a positive manner.

Another example: Flag down a cab wearing a dress and high heels and you usually get the first available cab. Now that's power and it just added to my confidence!

I am so happy that I did what I did. It changed me for the better by making myself whole and more confident, so confident that I no longer fear being outed, nor do I fear coming out to anyone.


  1. If someone stole your wig it would be a hate crime, I wonder if you could be protected.

  2. AnonymousJune 17, 2009

    I am SO happy for you. I think that when one is happy and relaxed with who they are, people 'pick-up' on it and they share your ease. This is especially true if one is 'out of the ordinary'. At least that's been my experience.


  3. Every day was a great read. So glad everything went so well. I have only been in NYC twice and that town can be so overwhelming on its own.

    I was wondering if the fellow attendees work in the same field as you or if you knew any of them?


  4. Lynn --- None of my fellow attendees work in my field, nor did I know any of them before attending the workshop.

  5. You go girl! What a great story. I wonder how long before I can do something like that. I just do not have the courage ... yet.

  6. So none of these attendees know where you work? (I assume they don't know at your employer). Isn't it nice to tell someone who gets it. I recently told my hairdresser. She is really cool about . One day I went to her house for a makeover. I look really different with makeup Even she was surprised.

  7. NYC may be huge, and always full of people, and never sleeps, but its also a very open city.

    i was out there once, and i saw a group of sissies (tall men, in pink and pastel colored, petticoated maid dresses) walking down the road with matching umbrellas. i think my eyes were bigger then anyones elses, for no one seemed to notice them but me. Its like something like that always happens around there, and i bet it did and does!

    Thanks for sharing the great news!
    Its great to overcome obstacles!


  8. AnonymousJune 20, 2009

    Congrats Staci on this new growth for you!
    I learn so much....

  9. AnonymousJune 20, 2009

    well -- sissies have to BE someplace, don't they?!