Monday, June 8, 2009

readdressing "passing"

Thursday's "passing" posting was written hastily and posted in error.

I typed my thoughts quickly and intended to save them for later editing, but when I intended to click on the "save now" button, I actually clicked on the "publish post" button and poof!... I published the posting on the blog.

I was very busy that day and let it go figuring it said what I wanted to say. But as time passed, the e-mails and comments I received indicated that I could have done a better job. So, this post is my attempt to do that, i.e., to clarify what I wrote in my previous post.

I usually check my ego at the Blogger door before I write a post, but if I do that now, what I am about to write will not make sense. So, I am not going to hold back in the following piece.

I am very good at what I do, i.e., I know how to emulate a woman.

Over the years, many genetic woman have complimented me on my taste in clothing, how well I put outfits together, do my makeup, my hair, my nails, etc. I am definitely not a guy in a dress, a man in a skirt, or a fellow in a frock. And despite my size, I often pass as an attractive statuesque woman. And I am very proud of that achievement.

From years of experience, I have learned that my natural speech and mannerisms are such that strangers sometimes take me for gay when I am in male mode. As a result, my natural speech and mannerisms suit me well when I am en femme.

By the way, I bought books and tapes to learn how to speak as a woman, followed the advice they offered, practiced, practiced, and practiced some more, and eventually achieved a feminine voice. But whenever I used that voice in public, I felt ridiculous. That voice was not the really me, so I abandoned the fake voice and returned to using my normal voice en femme.

When I wrote in Thursday's post that I was going to stop trying to pass, I did not mean that I was going to abandon anything I already do. I meant that I will continue to do what I do, i.e., femulate rather successfully, but that passing is something I would no longer worry about when I did femulate. As I wrote in my previous post, "If I pass and strangers think I am a woman, so be it. If I don't pass and strangers think I am a man dressed as a woman, that is OK, too; I won't deny it."

I also wrote, "I will stop pretending that I am a woman." That statement probably confused matters more than anything else I wrote in Thursday's post, so I will elaborate.

I will stop pretending that I am a woman because I don't have to pretend. I am a woman in many ways, probably in more ways than I know.

Unlike the classic transsexual model, I never felt I was a woman trapped in a man's body. I passed through the world in such a feminine manner that maybe the woman in me did not feel trapped. Instead, she was out there whether I was en homme or en femme.

And during those times when she was out there en femme, she blossomed and became whole. That explains why I so enjoy being en femme because then I am whole.


  1. That's cool, Staci...

    You're at ease with yourself, is the message I got from your first post.

    This second one just confirms that.

    Good on ya!



  2. AnonymousJune 08, 2009

    Hi Staci,

    I agree with Chrissie. You are just being yourself, emulating beauty. And being natural makes it all the more enjoyable. You have just worked hard to present yourself in the best manner, not to be something you are not.



  3. Chrissie and Staci are right on the money. For an additional 2 centavos worth, here goes.

    I interpreted your first note to mean that passing was a decision that someone else would make (or not make), and that you had moved on to the more elevated perch of simply being, and being for all the right reasons.

    Good on ya indeed. Now go tear a strip out of New York. Can't wait to hear about the adventure.

    Cheers - Petra

  4. AnonymousJune 08, 2009

    Thursday's post was excellent. Today's was even better. Your coined word "Femulate" tells it like it really is for so many of us. We are who we are and we have the blessing of being able to enjoy our feminine nature.
    Getting out and about is not easy and there are many factors to consider such as family, friends, jobs, etc. The more we girls can get out the better we will feel about ourselves and the more the world at large will come to understand and accept the various facets of the transgender mosaic.
    Your bravery and courage is an inspiration to many. You have developed the ability to present well as a woman. Keep up the good work.

  5. OK this makes more sense to me now. I'm sorry if I misunderstood your earlier post. I know I am not as well educated or smart as most of the people on this blog, but I guess I misunderstood what you were saying. It didn't sound like "femulation." Have a wonderful time in New York. We all look forward to hearing about the trip.