Thursday, June 4, 2009


Years ago, I saw the logic of the concept that passing (as a female) was not important. However, passing was still important to me and whenever I went out en femme, the success of my outing depended upon how well I passed.

As I matured as a trans something or other, passing became less important; not passing when I was out en femme was no longer a deal breaker, however, it was still nicer to pass than not.

Now, I am seriously considering stop trying to pass. No, I am not going to burn my longline bra and I have no plans to stop dressing like a woman. I plan to continue to wear woman's clothing, makeup, hairstyles, etc. However, I will stop pretending that I am a woman.

If I pass and strangers think I am a woman, so be it. If I don't pass and strangers think I am a man dressed as a woman, that is OK, too; I won't deny it.

That would take a load off my mind and it is a concept that I may adopt real soon now.


  1. That is certainly a great breakthrough, thanks for sharing. I have not ambled around public, but I really don't care about passing either. I'd rather be seen as a tomboy than a lady, but that's just me.

    You make a good point and are setting an excellent example for other crossdressers. The lesson is this: it is not vital to pass to be happy as a crossdresser.

    But, hey, if you pass, that's just icing on the cake :)

    Great post,

    Jessica De Leon

  2. My Gap bootcut jeans, a nice v-neck, a good shave and a bit of powder and I'm good to go. If you relent on the concept of being a woman and accept being transgender, the poles suddenly disappear and you enjoy yourself. It's simply something in between.

  3. AnonymousJune 05, 2009

    A great post and an example of evolution into wisdom. I think the more of us that get out, dressed neatly and appropriately for the time and place, the better it will be for all. With time, the public should start to see us with less fear and surprise. With time and exposure a man dressed as a woman will become more acceptable and more of us will learn that our fears can be conquered safely and we can all reach greater enjoyment from our gender variance.

  4. Passing is nice, but it is not the end all. I learned that what is more important is how you are treated.

  5. AnonymousJune 05, 2009

    This is a most interesting revelation Stacy... Are you staying you only like to crossdress, but still have a strong male identity..

    Im the opposite. I very seldomly, have the financial, social, or logistical ability to physically crossdress. However, I always feel like a women trapped in a man's body, and have trouble thinking and feeling like a man, even when Im forced to by my soceity..

    Thanks for your excellent posts as always

    CR from Shoshana's blog

  6. AnonymousJune 05, 2009

    Good move! Join the many of us who walk around as men in skirts. (...and heels, and stockings, and...)


  7. AnonymousJune 05, 2009

    Amen and amen! As I always tell my SO, it's not about passing, it's about being fabulous.

    Anyway, just remember that as we get older, there are plenty of GW who don't really "pass" either! The one compensation of middle age is that obvious gender markers start to disappear, and that can be wonderfully liberating if one has the right perspective.

    I also agree with the posters above: what's important is to get out there.

  8. Well this will take some thinking. I was happiest when "passing" and just out of high school used to go what we now call 24/7 for several years until family pressure got too much. So back into the closet.

    Now when those family pressures are gone (the ones that could manipulate me - pun intended - are dead) I look at myself in the mirror and am very unhappy with what I see.

    Maybe your proposal is an answer, but it is not an answer I have wanted to hear. Beauty and "passing" were and are important to me. So I'll think about it.

  9. Perhaps the most important thing is being accepted no matter how you chose to present yourself. It is nice if they believe but not the be all end all. "He"s dressing like a woman but it's okay" is probably the best we can strive for.