When Nature Calls En Femme

One of the most anxiety-provoking moments for a crossdresser going out in public occurs when nature calls.

Which restroom should I use?

For many of us, the answer seems obvious. If I am presenting as a woman, walking into the men’s room wearing a dress, heels, makeup and carrying a handbag would be awkward for me and probably startling for the men inside. The women’s restroom is usually the more natural and less disruptive choice.

Still, opening that door for the first time can require nearly as much courage as leaving the house en femme.

I remember worrying that every woman in the restroom would immediately inspect me, sound an alarm and summon security. In reality, women generally enter a restroom for the same reason I do: to use the facilities, check the mirror, wash their hands and return to whatever they were doing. Most are far more concerned with their own business than with mine.

The best approach is to behave as any considerate woman would. Enter quietly, use a stall, leave it tidy, wash your hands and avoid lingering unnecessarily. A quick lipstick check at the mirror is perfectly ordinary. Turning the restroom into a photography studio or a place to adjust an entire outfit is not.

Discretion is especially important. A restroom is a private space, so never photograph or record anyone there. Avoid staring, initiating overly familiar conversations, or doing anything that might make another person uncomfortable. Good manners and quiet confidence go a long way.

However, if a woman begins a friendly conversation with you, respond naturally—ignoring her might seem rude or attract unnecessary attention. Use your most ladylike voice, enjoy the exchange, and take quiet satisfaction in being accepted as just another woman.

Whenever possible, I prefer a single-user or family restroom. It eliminates nearly all the uncertainty and is often more comfortable for everyone. Shopping centers, libraries, hospitals and larger restaurants increasingly provide such facilities, although they are not always easy to locate.

Local laws and establishment policies can vary, so it is wise to know the rules where you are going. If an employee directs you to a particular facility, remain calm and courteous. Arguing in a restroom doorway is unlikely to improve anyone’s day. Safety and common sense should always come first.

Presentation can also affect the experience—not because anyone should have to “pass” to use a restroom, but because a consistent presentation creates less confusion. If the rest of the world is seeing you as a woman, suddenly entering the men’s room may attract far more attention than quietly using the women’s room.

The first visit will probably feel momentous. The tenth will feel less so. Eventually, it may become what it was all along: a routine stop during an otherwise enjoyable day out.

Use the appropriate facility, respect everyone’s privacy, mind your manners and get on with your day.

After all, a lady has places to go—and occasionally, she has to go!

Wearing Bebe

Til Schweiger femulating in the 2009 German film Rabbit Without Ears 2.
Click here to view this film on YouTube.