Boob Banter

Two 20-something ultra-feminized besties or “male ladies,” Kylee and Braydenne, chat over matcha lattes at a café, casually debating the next “natural step” in their journeys under the matriarchy:

Kylee (stirring his drink with a manicured finger): Ugh. So I tried on that lilac blouse I got from FemmeForm last week and honestly? It just hangs. No shape. I’m starting to think the girls need a little… boost.

Braydenne (sipping delicately): You mean surgical boost? Oh my goddess, Kylee. That’s a whole level of commitment. Like, silicone-serious.

Kylee: Okay, but hear me out—Tyler at HR already got his done and ever since? He radiates. He walks like a woman who knows she’ll never wear a blazer again.

Braydenne: True. His posture improved like, immediately. And he’s up two cup sizes and one pay grade.

Kylee: Coincidence? I think not. Plus, his wife threw him a “Boob Reveal Brunch.” I’m still jealous of the almond champagne.

Braydenne (twirling a strand of his highlighted hair): Yeah, that part looked cute on the Gram. But still. Surgery is big. My mom-in-law would freak—she already made me wear push-ups to her garden club so her friends would think I was “coming along.”

Kylee (smirking): Mine offered to pay if I went C-cup minimum. She said, and I quote, “We didn’t vote in the matriarchy just to have flat-chested sons-in-law.” Classic Linda.

Braydenne: Iconic. You always get the cool in-laws. Mine are still stuck in the “just feminize him gradually” phase. Like I don’t already own three sports bras and cry during mascara commercials.

Kylee: Look, I’m just saying—I want my tops to pop. And honestly, I think I’ve earned it. I’ve done the skirts. I’ve done the waxing. I’m tired of stuffing.

Braydenne: Valid. Though I do love a good falsie on casual Fridays. Low effort, high jiggle.

Kylee: Babe, imagine never having to tape again. Just a built-in bounce. Bras that fit. Boys would blush when we walked by.

Braydenne (pretending to fan himself): Okay, sold. Let’s at least get consultations. Worst case, we do a “try-on” party with those silicone demos and some wine spritzers.

Kylee: Yessss. And maybe I can finally fill out that peplum top without looking like a sad shelf.

Braydenne: To boobs?

Kylee: To boobs.

(They clink matcha glasses.)

Wearing Beulah dress and Saint Laurent bag

James Brown, Nigerian femulator