Monday, May 13, 2024

Stuff: Birds of a Feather...

…Flock together

By J.J. Atwell

You remember that old saying? Well, it looks to me that many of us agree with it. It’s fun to get together with a group of like-minded people and share things that many have kept hidden. 

Why join a group?

Well, I kind of touched on that above. Being in a group gives you an opportunity to exchange info with others and just be your girl self for a while. It also helps you if you want to expand your horizons. 

Groups typically meet regularly giving you an opportunity to get dressed more frequently. But more expansively, the meetings get you out of your house. Even if the meetings are in a private, secluded location, you still have to get there. That means leaving your house and driving to the meeting location – most likely en femme

Many groups also hold meetings in public places like restaurants or LGBTQIA+ friendly night clubs. That’s a great opportunity to get out in public. Yes, it can be a huge step, but expanding our horizons is worth it. 

For me, I found joining a group to open a door to a much larger closet. As a result of pushing myself to go to that first meeting, I’ve now come to a better place; a place where JJ can put on a pretty face and go out in public with minimal stress. No, not a “place” as in something physical – a “place,” as in what you feel. 

I’ve also wound up making new friends. Friends that I can chat with outside the actual meetings. Friends that I meet up with at times to do things together no matter how we are dressed. 

For those of us with significant others who are a bit ambivalent about our crossdressing, accompanying them to a group meeting can be an eye-opener for them as well. They see just how “normal” it all is and they get to chat with the other significant others. Friendships develop outside of the crossdressing group and you wind up doing non-crossdressing stuff with them. 

Finding a group

It can be hard to find a group in your area. I’d say that Google is your friend, but sometimes I doubt Google really understands what we are looking for. I can’t recall how I found the group I joined a few years ago. I’m sure I got some leads from a Google search. But I’m also an active member of and I may have found my local group from a post there. So there are a couple of good places to look. 

I’ll be back

I’m not sure just what kind of schedule I’ll be keeping, but I do plan on finding more Stuff to write about. Until then, I welcome comments here on Stana’s page or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Source: Cynthia Rowley
Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Lovely Emma


  1. I couldn't agree more, JJ. I was doing the usual solo dressing routines -- parading around the house with the occasional few steps out of the house at oh-dark-thirty, Driving around dressed but not feeling good about it. Twice I went to The Hippo here in Baltimore on Hallowe'en. I don't come close to passing, but once I had mad the decision to "jump into the pool", so to speak, I might as well go for it>

    But those solo trips happened only after I had joined a local TG/CD group. When I went to my first meeting it took me at least 20 minutes to get out of the car and walk across a sidewalk to the door of the building where the meeting took place. After the meeting we went to a local bar, had some food and a beer and then headed to a club with a drag show. With "the girls" I didn't have a care. So what if "someone" saw me? After the drag show we scattered and I felt comfortable walking back to my car. When I got home I scanned the porches -- nobody there -- and walked home. I live in a rowhouse, and the chance of finding a parking space close to my house are next to none. My heels sounded like they could wake my neighbors with their clicking, but so what? If people see me, they see me. That meeting really charged my batteries. By now, most of my neighbors have at least seen Mikki, and she's talked with a lot of them. I'm OK with walking into an ULTA shop dressed, but with nothing done from the neck up, to have my hair done and get painted by a MAC makeup artist. Group-accessed confidence.

    I didn't want to cause a stir on the lock, so I was careful about going out for a while. I planned ahead, and moved my car close to the door. I avoided kids. But once out I didn't have a care about being seen. That's why I had confidence enough to go solo on Hallowe'en. But it was the group experience that helped me find my confidence.

    When my initial group decided to focus 100% on transition, we CDs felt left out. I found a group attached to Tri-Ess and stayed with them until we had so few members the group disbanded. Now I'm hooked up with a Meetup group. I still don't pass, and as I get older and my arthritis continues to kick my ass, I'm more judicious about where I go dressed. I read about people in our community getting killed, so I never go to danger zones. But the arthritis has certainly reduced my radius.

    But I don't think any of my going out and about as Mikki would have happened without my first being with a supportive group. It helped me find my confidence, and that freed up Mikki to explore! She couldn't be happier.

    1. AnonymousMay 14, 2024

      JJ here. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I suspect many of us follow a similar path, or are about to embark on the journey. Glad Nikki is getting out into the real world.

    2. MikkiB, I would like to ask you some questions about that group in Baltimore that you were in... Would you please visit my blog and leave a comment and connect with me? I am also on as jjjjohanne. OR, you can reach out to Stana and she can give you my email address. :)

      Thank you!

  2. I should have made more of a point of using There are countless Meetup groups and quite a number of TG/CD groups. Our Baltimore group fizzled out, but there are two large groups in the DC area. So check out Meetup and you might just find a group (or two, or three) that work for you.

  3. AnonymousMay 13, 2024

    Great Stuff!

    1. AnonymousMay 14, 2024

      JJ here. Thanks for enjoying Stuff! Hope you'll continue to follow in the coming weeks.

  4. Getting out with like minded people was so important for me in relieving the shame and guilt so many of get over our “forbidden” love for feminine expression. I joined a group here in Minneapolis about 5 years ago and after 40 years of dressing at home I can tell you it was nothing short of liberating. How many times in my life have I attended a party or gala event and wished I was one of the ladies in a stylish dress, heels and makeup? It would just leave me feeling empty. It’s been an absolute dream come true to go out presenting as completely and utterly feminine and knowing I’m not the only one with these feelings!

  5. AnonymousMay 15, 2024

    When my wife and I had "The Talk" back in the early 1980's she told me it was alright with her if I found a support group. She wanted nothing to do with my feminine desires; "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman" she said. Since that conversation is has never said a word. There was no internet. I did find a telephone number in a phone book. I called and tried to ask a question. The person was rude, down right hostile. Why even publish and telephone number. I just hope that person never volunteered for a suicide crisis line. When I needed the comfort of others, nothing. Now? Would I have anything else in common other than wearing women's clothing?