Thursday, March 18, 2021

How Effeminate?

Most of my life, civilians considered me to be effeminate. The more obnoxious civilians let me know it, mostly with verbal abuse, but a few times, physical abuse. 

I did not believe I was effeminate. I did not purposely act feminine – I was acting naturally and I assumed the bullies were picking on me because I had better grades in school than most of my male peers and/or because I was not a great athlete. 

The “effeminate” label persisted and when I began crossdressing, I thought that maybe there was something to it. This was brought home to me when I attended a Halloween party en femme and a friend mentioned to me that he never realized how feminine I was until he saw me dressed as a woman, my appearance now matched my speech and mannerisms.

That and similar experiences finally convinced me that I was effeminate, but I never knew how effeminate. I never saw my feminine self in person, so I was just accepting what others witnessed.

Fast forward to May 2018, when I spoke at a forum at the ham radio convention I attend every year. The forum was videotaped and I anxiously waited for the video to be posted on YouTube so I could see my feminine self in person.

Two weeks later, the video showed up on YouTube and when I watched it, I was shocked by how feminine I appeared. How I moved, how I gestured and how I spoke were so feminine that I could not believe it. If anything, I lost points because of my voice, but the way I used my voice was the way a woman spoke and when you put the whole package together, that was a woman up on that dais, not a man in a dress. 

Even today when I view that video, I am still impressed by the lady I see.*

* You can see me for yourself on YouTube beginning at the 6:41 mark.

Wearing Adrianna Papell
Wearing Adrianna Papell

Blogger Diana and friend. Diana blogs daily at her Little Corner in the Nutmeg State.
Blogger Diana and friend. Diana blogs daily in her Little Corner in the Nutmeg State.


  1. Great presentation! I only offer one suggestion, if you want to look a little more sure of the material you are presenting, don't lean on the podium. That was one of the first things I learned in Public speaking class.

  2. Unfortunately I only get a green screen from YouTube (which seems to happen to me quite frequently) so I cannot judge your appearance, but I do get the audio. Your speech manner, vocabulary and intonation is very feminine. Your actual voice tone is neutral and could be either female or male.
    I can only admire your courage for addressing a conference of (I imagine) nearly all males en femme.

  3. Stana

    That is a woman presenting a Power Point deck up on that stage. No doubt about it!

    Not acting, not pretending but very much en femme au naturale

    Checkout Maria Difilippi on italian TV. She has a mans voice and is a superstar with her much watched show. ‘C’√® Posta Per Te’


  4. I am always observing women on TV and sometimes notice that their voices are deep, however they don't sound like a man. There is something about intonation and vocabulary that queue female.

    So yes your voice is not high pitched but it doesn't read male either.

    As for your body language that too is female, not over the top drag feminine but natural.

    Feminine deportment is subtle just watch any woman and as she walks around in jeans and sneakers.

    As hard as I try I can't un learned the maleness in my movements.

    Last but not least hair,make-up and clothes, here's the home run for you Stana, you always dress just a little bit nicer than the venue. Too much is no good, just a bit nicer shows class

  5. In male mode you have to be carefull about how feminine you you look and act
    In female mode you can let go and be as feminine as you like

    1. Good advice, Lucy, but I never "act" or "acted" feminine. My femininity was not something I turned on and off at will. I am and always was a feminine being (according to society's standards). Manning up never interested me. And so it goes.

  6. Dearest Stana ,          I see that all the special names you post in red at  -T-people & Friends Links , are wonderful - for real lovely T-women , it's wonderful to see the love and cherishing of each other in our- for real community of transwomen . I wish you a very lovely Monday and send you the love spirit of my femininity . I hope you have a wonderful day !

  7. AnonymousMay 17, 2021

    It must be wonderful to have at least one best T- friend to hang out with sometimes with so much in common .