Tuesday, November 10, 2015

why I am girly

My mother had a miscarriage before she had me.

Back then, physicians prescribed Diethylstilbestrol (DES) to prevent miscarriages in women who had had previous miscarriages.

Did my mother take DES? She is deceased, so I will never know. But, if she did take DES, then that may explain why I am the way I am.

DES can cause feminization of the male fetus and some studies suggest that otherwise-male children exposed to DES before birth may be more likely to be transsexual women than otherwise-male children who have not been exposed.

Although I will never know if my mother took DES, there are other indications that she did. For example, I have Gynecomastia and although the causes of common Gynecomastia remain uncertain, it has generally been attributed to an imbalance of sex hormones, that is, too much estrogen.

In addition to Gynecomastia, I am more womanly than the average guy in other ways. For example, my mannerisms and speech patterns have feminine traits and my emotions are more feminine than masculine.

A few years ago, I was doing outreach with three transsexuals at a local college and a student asked how the transsexuals' hormone regimen affected them. All three transsexuals admitted that they became more emotional after they began their hormone regimen, for example, one stated that she never cried at movies before taking hormones, but after taking hormones, she cried at movies all the time. I spoke up that I never took hormones and that I cry at movies all the time!

An overabundance of female hormones may be the cause of my proclivity for the feminine. And as I wrote here on Friday, my parents may have nurtured that proclivity.

Repeating what I wrote here, "Dad was absent in my early life working two jobs to support his wife and kids. Mom cherished her firstborn child (me), coddled and pampered me, and instilled in me many traits that were considered 'feminine.' With Dad absent early-on, Mom was all I had to model myself after and that I did, which just compounded my feminization."

I had two strikes against me (too many female hormones and too little male role modeling) and when my third opportunity to swing came, I just stood there with the bat on my shoulder and was called out (of the male gender) on a called third strike.

I did not bother swinging because I liked myself. I was very satisfied with the results of the first two strikes. I liked the way things were turning out. I did not mind being a girly boy.

Except for some abuse from the macho boys and rejection by their female followers, being a girly boy was a pretty good deal. I could partake in whatever boy or girl pursuits interested me and not have to worry about tarnishing my image.

And when I took up the male pursuit of female impersonation, I found that I excelled at it because I already spoke and acted like a lady, I took to the art of cosmetics like a swan takes to water, and I could nearly fill a bra without any padding.

And so it goes.

(This post originally appeared in September 2009.)

Source: HauteLook
Wearing Nichole Miller.

Alec Mapa
Actor Alec Mapa femulates in a 1997 episode of television's NYPD Blue. 


  1. Like you, there is no way to find out if my mother was given DES. However, she was an RN working for a doctor and I would bet it was something he would have given. I fit into a lot of categories. At birth I had a cryptorchidism that was not discovered until I was 12, I've always had some gynecomastia and I'm transgender. I even got comments from girls in gradeschool about the gynocemastia and the fact my hips would swing as I walked. And of course, being one of the smallest kids in my classes, I got bullied a lot. Mom is gone, the doctor and his records are long gone so there's no way to know for sure. Best guess though is yes, I am a DES child.

  2. Stana, my Mom went through the same "still birth" cycle with a brother and sister ahead of me. I strongly suspect in 1949 D.E.S. was part of my hormonal "womb" experience too. I considered myself an effeminate boy in an extremely macho family-but tried my best to "defeat" it - a mistake.

  3. My mother had three miscarriages. I know that she was treated with DES or some other form of synthetic estrogen when she was carrying me. While the estrogen bath that bore me in utero may be connected to my transness it may also relate to my level of hair grown. While there was considerable hair loss in my male relatives I still have a full head of gray hair and my chest and back have never had any hair growth to speak of. My arms and hands are free of hair and there was a time when I would shave my legs once year, primarily for the experience of shaving my legs. I have had not reason to shave my legs for several years. I only grow facial hair on my chin and under my nose and can get by with a shave every other day and sometimes every 3 days. No real cheek hair. Genes, genetics, DES??? As you know I am one year younger than you so it is likely that the doctors treating our mothers read from the same book.

  4. And I think I mentioned in 2009 that I was a DES baby but nowhere as naturally feminine as you!

    1. Great to see that you're still checking in occasionally! Please keep in touch!

  5. Hi Stana,

    I did a blog post on this a few years ago. I do think there is a connection. My mother believed that if one pill is good, two are better. She used DES when she was pregnant with me and I do blame her (I almost said "credit" but I would not wish what I deal with on anyone) for what I have to deal with every minute of every day.....gender dysphoria. I'll add that she also used DES when she was pregnant with my sister. My sister is not at all girly. I suspect she is gay, but don't know. She may even be trans. We don't talk much and I'll probably never know.

    Regarding my own situation, I'll add that I have all of the markers of a 47XXY mosaic. Hips wider than shoulders, no adam's apple, light beard, some breast growth as with you, little body hair, and I could go on and on. Clearly, there's a connection with my mother's use and over use of DES.


  6. My mother doesn't remember anything of her medical history (she has Alzheimer's), but I 'm an only child and don't know of any miscarriages. So it's doubtful I'm a DES baby - unless someone prescribed it to her for any of her other issues. And that, I will unfortunately never know :-(

    But something certainly happened to unleash my femininity. Was it the fact that Dad was a traveling business executive to support his family? Was it the fact that I grew up with Mom as my only role model? Was it the fact that I was called a "Mama's boy?" At one point, even my wife told me that "You look like your mother...."

    Don't know. But I'm reasonably happy with the way things have turned out...and that's a good thing.


  7. My story is remarkably similar to yours there is a test on the CDC website you can take and see if you were a high risk DES baby The medical community and the drug companies dispute the connection between transgender and DES but think about this the prescription of DES increased estrogen in the woman's womb by several thousand times the normal amount!!!