Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Who Knows

prints_2013-06-19 The building I work in houses two companies. So today, when we had a fire drill, the employees of both companies filed out to the parking lot.

While I was waiting for the drill to end, I was standing next to one of my fellow workers, who is gay. I mentioned to him that you do not realize how many people work for the other company until there is a fire drill.

He asked me if I had ever noticed the transgender person who worked for the other company. He added that the trans person was very tall, wore heels and did not pass.

I admitted that I had never seen her. And the conversation shifted gears.

Here are a few takeaways from that exchange.

1)   My fellow worker used the word "transgender." It was refreshing to hear a civilian use the correct terminology. Perhaps, the fact that he is gay made a difference and/or maybe he used the correct term in deference to me, which brings up the second takeaway.

2)   He knows I am transgender. (Ya think!?!) Maybe after my three Halloween at work en femme appearances, he put two and two together (or should I say, three and three). He was very good friends with a former employee, who I came out to. She was prone to gossip, so maybe she told him.

3)   If he knows, I am sure other people at work know or at least suspect.
I don't mind or care who knows, but I am always curious about how people find out or figure it out.



Three femulators at a bar in Provincetown, Massachusetts, during Fantasia Fair in 1993.




Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.


  1. I know! You never really know who knows and who doesn't know - ya know?

  2. We are only fooling ourselves if we do not believe that everyone knows. While I was still working for an employer, there were persons and occasions that I came out, metered of course (I thought). Many of those persons I had come out to were friends and are still friends. It's been said to me, that most everyone at work knew, but because of the life that I was leading, (attempting to keep a lid on too much transgender in my professional doings) most respected my privacy and did not bring it up. Perhaps there was some innuendo, perhaps there was an anecdote, Perhaps a third person present conversation. But all in all, they knew, they respected where I would take things. Some were comfortable, and still are, some were uncomfortable. But most weighed where I was with what I brought to light. And acted in accordance. Your gay friend has you pegged. Open the conversation about who you are.. from the reading I have of you, you are a professional you are very good at what you do, you have humility and kindness. People do and will respect you for who you are, I can promise.

  3. I would have to agree with Joan E Barette, we are merely fooling ourselves and sometimes that works out well and other times it doesn't! Keep doing what you're doing, Stana.

  4. I agree with Joan, open the conversation.

    By the way, I've just started working as the real me, and it's fabulous. It's so much easier to do my job when I can be 100% present.

    Reading femulate has been an inspiration, so thanks for helping me get where I am!