Friday, February 1, 2013

Woman of Manners


Today, I carry on answering the questions and responding to the suggestions readers sent me after my call for topics that readers would like me to write about or expand upon.

Leann wrote, "One of the challenges of going out en femme and blending in as best we can, is to adopt feminine mannerisms. If you are aiming to use your fine examples of going out and about, maybe a word about re-socializing your self to the feminine might be useful."

I have feminine mannerisms in boy mode, which got me trouble with non-feminine males in my youth and beyond. My feminine mannerisms were not something I put on. My mother raised me, while my father was absent much of the time I was growing up (Dad worked two jobs and as much overtime as possible to make ends meet). Lacking a male model, I took after my mother in a lot of ways, so when I began femulating, my feminine mannerisms fit perfectly.

My most prominent feminine mannerisms were the way I walked, talked, and gestured.

I walked like a girl, which explains why I had no trouble walking in high heels from the get-go. After my mother's frequent comments that I walked like a girl ("I walk the way you taught me, Mom"), I had to learn how to walk like a boy, but I never forgot how to walk like a girl.

I also talked like a girl. I am very soft-spoken. I use words and phrases in ways that are typically female. And when I talk, I gesture with my hands in a very feminine manner often touching the other person I am conversing with. (That last one really freaks me out when I am in boy mode and touch somebody. I do it unconsciously and after I do it, I worry about a negative reaction from the other person, but so far I have been lucky and no one has called me on it.)

So I had all those things going for me as a budding femulator. On the other hand...

Although I walked like a woman, I did not move like a woman. I had to learn how to lower my center of gravity and to glide rather than stomp and to swing my arms gently rather than having stiff arms when I walked.   

Although I talked like a woman, I did not sound like a woman and I had to work on my voice as I explained on Monday.

My hand gestures were right on, but I had to learn other mannerisms, for example, to sit like a woman, to smooth my skirt under my tush when I sat down, to keep my knees together while sitting, to tilt my head slightly, etc.

Practice makes perfect and some of the mannerisms I had to learn are natural to me now, whereas some others I have to consciously think about.


  1. Dear Stana,

    You look so lovely in your oh so sweet LBD (Little Black Dress). Thank You for your recent posts answering some of your readers' questions.

    Tonight, I join some of my T-Sisters for a Girls Night Out dinner amongst civilians. That starts 1-1/2 days completely "en femme" culminating in Saturday evening wearing a gorgeous pink satin chiffon cocktail dress.

    Isn't is just so WONDERFUL being a GIRL!



  2. Love the dress Stana! It would be perfect for going on a cruise! Speaking of which have you ever done one of those dignity cruises?

    It's interesting that you say that you picked up your traits from your mom. I was raised by, after my 7th year, my single mom who had to work most of the time to make ends me. Yet I still picked up, or more probably embellished on my own inner feelings and let come natural come natural. I've been told by aunts that I am very much like my mom, and I see many physical similarities. I think though that my feminine qualities came natural. It was common sense that when I sat in a skirt I would smooth it and be sure to cross my legs at the ankles. Very much like you wanting to touch your male counter parts, instinct was telling you that you can be vulnerable and I'll bet that most of those guys were even more relaxed after you made that bond.

  3. @Sheila! where ever you are going tonight do have a fantastic time! I remember my outings with TCNE and they were some of the best memories of my earlier girl time ever!


  4. stana, the last two pics from your post were just beautiful, especially this one in your LBD. You are an inspiration.

  5. Stana,
    Thanks for addressing my comment. It is very important for those of us that do go out and who desire to, at least, not stick out like a "man in a dress" to become aware of our mannerism. While we may never get them all correct, the more we do correctly, the more dismissive our observers will be when there is an incorrect one. So in the spirit of helping all of our sisters traverse that challenging road to womanhood, please keep on providing your insights as they seem appropriate.