Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Great Purge of 1983

polaroid_8310 I started femulating regularly around the age of 12. Whenever I was home alone, I would experiment with my mother's and sister's wardrobes and cosmetics.

Soon, I began building my own female wardrobe. Initially, I collected discarded clothing or sewed my own (simple A-line miniskirts) using remnants that my mother had in her sewing nook.

The first item of female clothing that I purchased were three pairs of nylon stockings. I went to the hosiery store downtown and told the saleswoman that I was buying stockings as a gift for my tall girlfriend. The saleswoman did not bat an eye and I scored my first purchase of female finery with ease.

After that successful shopping trip, I used my tall girlfriend excuse to expand my wardrobe. And whenever Halloween was on the horizon, I could use that holiday as an excuse to try on and buy wigs, dresses, shoes, and foundation garments.

In addition to building a wardrobe, I clipped femulation-related items from newspapers and magazines. I also had a couple of books including the eye-opening A Year Among the Girls by Darryl Radnor and a couple of issues of Drag magazine. And there was also my collection of Polaroids, which documented my progress on the Good Ship Lollipop.

I stored everything in boxes hidden behind boxes containing my American Flyer train set, all stored behind the false back panel of a built-in bookcase in my bedroom.

Due to that limited storage space, I occasionally whittled down my collection - out with the old to make room for the new - but I never purged everything while I was actively femulating. I loved being a girl, so there was no desire to purge.

Fast-forward to 1983.

I had been dating my future wife for over two years and during that time, I stopped femulating. I had no desire to femulate and I bought into the old wives'/husbands' tale that when a femulator got married, he stopped femulating.

Realize that there was little information available to vent that tale. There was no Internet as we know it today and the serious literature on the topic was minimal and hard to find in my neck of the woods.

So about two weeks before our wedding, I purged everything.

One month after our wedding, we were invited to a Halloween party. I femulated for the event (see photo) and bought a new dress, wig, pantyhose, bra, girdle, high heels, etc. for the occasion. I was back on the Good Ship Lollipop and never stopped femulating again.

In retrospect, I so regret the purge. I could replace the wardrobe (which I did), but I could never replace my Polaroids.

Speaking of Polaroids...

My Friday post about Polaroids moved sister Mindy to dig out some of her old Polaroids and send them to me.

Mindy recalls that Polaroids were the only way we could keep our remembrances. She suggested that other readers might have old Polaroids that they would like to share for viewing here.

Great idea! So if you would like to share, please send me your instant photographs and I will post them here in the very near future.


  1. I began "experimenting" a few years before you, Stana. I used the justification of a taller sister, I didn't think of a girlfriend!

    As I grew older, I also used Halloween as justification to cross dress. My favorite part was putting on all the makeup but I did tend to go over-board.

    While I did hide my female clothes from my family (which was a collection of absolutely everything!) unfortunately, I did not keep any Polaroids. I also purged many times (like so many others) and that was a sad loss. Sad.

    Keep posting, Stana, you are very good motivation to be sure!

  2. Hi Stana,
    Keepsakes are so important, aren't they? It'so easy to forget what a precious and rare thing a photo was before we all had digital cameras.
    I sympathise with you over the lost Polaroids, but then you did have all those years of dressing up that some of us missed out on. Many is the time I wished for a chance to dress up properly, but here in Blighty, Halloween was not observed with such enthusiasm and the lack of information of any kind made it hard to get the desire to cross-dress clear in your head.
    I'm sad to report that on the one proper opportunity, I bottled out (though it was a close run thing). Ah, my mis-spent youth!
    All the best,

  3. I did, have some wonderful Polaroids! Unfortunately the ex had them admitted as evidence and destroyed them after our divorce (at least that's what she said). I can remember only so much, it would be really nice to have them to hold as I drift back through memory lane.

  4. Much like Joan above I lost all of mine to a divorce as well,It's like having your past ripped out of the scrapbook of life,a bit disturbing actually.

  5. Stana,
    Getting married back in those days seems like a logical and reasonable reason to purge. It is just sad that there were some momentos and memories that went out with your attempt to turn a new page as you entered marriage.
    I have recycled stuff from time to time and only once had a partial purge where one portion of my stash went out to the trash. There was one blue dress that I wish I could replace but that was a style from 20 years ago that seems to keep eluding me.