Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Scent of a Woman

Stana, May 3, 1995 I wrote here on Friday about my first aid training class and how the instructor picked me to help him demonstrate the modified chest thrust.

Before proceeding, he asked, "You don't mind if I have a little fun with you?"

"I don't mind," I said.

He began, "Instead of using the abdominal thrust on this student, we will use the modified chest thrust because he is eight-months pregnant."

I was taken aback by his "little fun," but went along with it and tried to act amused.


Commenting on my story, Pat wrote, "...the instructor may have been picking up a feminine vibe or aura from you in selecting you for the 'pregnancy' demonstration."

I had the exact same thoughts, but I did not write about it because I felt that it was a little too farfetched. Now I'm thinking maybe not.

All my life, I have given off feminine vibes.

It is not something I do intentionally; it is such an integral part of my natural persona that I don't even realize what I am doing that gives off those vibes.

The proof is in the pudding. As a youth, my peers made it clear to me that I was not a manly boy. Boys called me names, girls would not date me, and gays were interested in me. In high school, one of my teachers (a female) told me I should wear a dress.

I was confused.

Even as an adult, I still give off feminine vibes. Adult males are a little more civilized than teenaged males, so they don't call me names, although a few have. Women often treat me as they would another women and gays are still interested in me.

I am less confused now because I think I figured it out, i.e., I am a woman. So I should not be surprised that the first aid instructor figured it out, too.


  1. Stana,
    I suspect that many people put time and effort into creating a public personna of themselves that they wish to present to the world at large. For some people they are able to completely mask their inner core. It may be that your basic daily presentation to the world may be as your male self but you do not hide your inner aura. You are who you are and that is a wonderful person that people like and are drawn to. By not hiding or surpressing or even filtering your inner woman you present as an honest and honorable individual and it is this inate dignity that people pick up and like.

    Just musing...for what it's worth.

    Thanks for the blog mention.


  2. Your story brings up a certain truth for me.

    Even when I was dressed in boy-drab I must've given off the female "vibe" but I did not knowingly give off that female vibe. In fact, some older males saw it long before I knew I even had it!

    I think my parents may have seen it as well but they simply chose not to.

    I lived and grew up in the city by the bay, San Francisco, girls there would not repeat date me and gays, exclusively male, were very interested in me.

    Obviously, I have given off these feminine "vibes" my entire life and was looked at as different from the rest of the boys, I was also quite poor.

    I was eventually taught to "play" a naughty girl, so dressing like one simply became a part of my reality. I enjoyed dressing feminine very much and received great pleasure from it.

    In my mind I was not being naughty, I was merely being allowed to be a girl.

    Great story, Stana.

  3. Salesman hits it on the head quite well. Many of us have mastered the mask only letting slivers of true self out for only the most discerning eye. As confidence matures in self acceptance (not giving one for whatever whoever thinks) we radiate the honest and honorable traits that are the real person inside, wherever they are in the spectrum. If we can be real with ourself the rest of the planet is well, a cake walk. Have a great time at the convention Stana, you're a great pioneer leading the way. Besides that, you look fabulous!