Reading "Why I Decided To Become A Woman" yesterday reminded me of an encounter I had with an old friend last May at the Dayton Hamvention.
At Dayton, I sought out old ham radio friends and acquaintances in order to come out to them.
One friend, who I had known for over 30 years was pleased to see me once he recognized me en femme.
He listened attentively to my story. Then he asked some questions, which I answered.
Finally he said to me, "Why would anyone want to be a woman?"
My jaw dropped. I felt like everything I had said to him had gone in one ear and out the other.
It was not a choice. I didn't decide one day that I needed a change of pace and would become a woman. I didn't decide to become transgender to spice up my life.
Life would be so much easier if I was not transgender... if I was not a woman who found herself in a male body.
Like Joy Ladin wrote, "There’s nothing so bad about being a man... as long as you’re a man.”
I'm certainly not a man. That explains why I feel uncomfortable when en homme, but at ease when en femme.
And so it goes.
It is just one of those things. Many years ago I saw a beautiful Porsche. I passed a comment to my wife who responded along the lines of 'what is so special about a Porsche'. The realization that I reached was that 'if I had to explain it...I could not'.
ReplyDeleteYou and only you truly know what you feel about your gender. Most women know they are women and most men know they are men but they would be hard pressed to explain why they are what they are...they just know what they are and that is all there is to it.
You are what you are and having to explain your gender issues to someone who has no clue as to what you may be feeling may just not be possible.
I am a CD. It has taken me years to come to that conclusion. I am a guy. I am not a woman in a man's body. I have given some thought to that so I have an appreciation of what you say on the subject. People who have neither faced nor studied gender issues just do not get it and you can be frustrated trying to explain it to then.
Good luck and keep trying since everything you do along these lines is a form of positive outreach for all of us.
Pat.
I guess you could have told your friend: "Appearances can be deceiving" or "Don't judge a book by its cover" or something pithy like that ;) When people say they don't understand, I tell them that if I had a broken hand they could see it and make sense of it but since they can't see my brain, it is hard for them to understand; which is fine- so long as they respect me as a person...
ReplyDelete- Reva
In many ways this is a reasonable question, given that we do not yet live in an equal world. Men are more likely to be Company Directors, Members of Parliament, successfull at sports, successfull in business, church leaders, stand up commedians, classical musicians etc. etc. etc....... From a man's point of view, when thought about, these are all bonuses of masculinity. We enjoy these successes because of our masculinity rather than because we are men, so why would anyone want to deny thier masculinitiy in favour of thier femininity. Add in that men are not judged on thier physical presentation, have no need to try to look younger or slimmer than they are, or to dress in the current vogue the case seems pretty much open and shut.
ReplyDeleteBut, A/ as you say it is not always question of choice. B/ the clothes are a lot mre fun, and C/ I's nice for the outside to reflect how the inside feels.
The feminine is not valued and placed on equal footing with the masculine and males. We need to honor and support the feminine... males also have to see that side of them... and TG persons who access that should be respected...
ReplyDeletedeborah
After spending a couple of hours touring the Smithsonian air and space museum, my 80 year old mother said to me "why do they need so many different types of airplanes?"
ReplyDeleteI kind of know what you felt like when your friend said "why?"
And there's no good answer, is there?
"it's a lot more fun."
"admit it ~ I look GREAT!"
"if I HAD a choice, I'd be a woman."
"OK. I'll start over."
"women live longer, and I'd like to live longer, so...."
But mostly, it's a lot more fun. :D
Sometimes seeing is believing but other times only someone who has had similar experiences or feelings can understand.
ReplyDeleteSomeone close to me has MS. From time to time she will suffer an exascerbation but generally she looks normal, fit and healthy. She presents as normal as possible in spite of the fact that MS has significantly impacted her balance, her vision in one eye, her hearing in one ear, her sensitivity to cold, her bladder control, etc. People who meet her do not recognize these symptoms and have no clue what she needs to do to deal with her MS and what medications are needed to keep things under control.
Only someone who has MS or lives with someone who has this condition or is a doctor who deals with MS patients can appreciate that her MS related issues are always on her mind.
Much the same can be said, I think, of those who deal with gender issues.
Just a thought for the day.
Pat
To those who know, no explanation is needed, to those who DON'T know, no explanation will do!
ReplyDeleteI am thrilled that you are here in Dayton Ohio Midwest and all and are enjoying the town, and showing that it can be enjoyed just as you are.
ReplyDeleteLisa
Help! After 60 years of Hell, I am transitioning. Next week I have a first interview with a psychiatrist to determine whether I am eligible to move forward towards hormone therapy. How can I convince them that my desire is genuine?
ReplyDeleteHelp!! After 60 years of Hell, I have been living as a woman for the past two months. I have an interview next week with a psychiatrist to determine whether I should be eligible to be referred another specialist psychiatrist to progress forward to hormone therapy. How can I convince this first interviewer that my intentions to transition are genuine?
ReplyDeleteMichael --- Sorry; never done that, so I cannot offer any advice.
ReplyDeletei have really wanted this almost my whole life since i was just four years old i have wanted to be a girl!
ReplyDelete