Thursday, December 2, 2010

"Tuesday, I spent the day en femme" again.

Just some additional thoughts on what I wrote here yesterday about my Tuesday out en femme.

All the comments and e-mails I received (so far) on the matter were of the opinion that my outfit looked fine and I had nothing to worry about. Therefore, short hemlines will continue to play an important role in my wardrobe.

At outreach, someone in each class asked me about my sexual orientation. Some students were taken aback (others, not so much) when I indicated that my preference was women and if you accept my how I identify gender-wise, that makes me a lesbian.

Someone in each class also asked me if I presented as a women because I was just interested in all the trappings of being female or was it something more than that, something internal. I explained that it was more than just the trappings of being female. I never felt that I was a female trapped in a male body. Instead, I was "me" trapped in the expectations of what being a "male" was all about.

Although I embraced many things considered "male," I also rejected many "male" things, while embracing many "female" things. As a result, friends and enemies (especially enemies) considered me to be effeminate.

I never tried to be effeminate just as I never tried to be macho, but society branded me "effeminate" nonetheless. I never understood why because I was just being "me."

Yes, I love all the female trappings; I love presenting as a woman, but that's only the tip of the iceberg called "me." 

On a lighter note... My wig continues to impress. A student asked me about my hair and I revealed that it was a wig, which surprised many of the students. I explained that the dark roots of my wig "sells" it and the students agreed with my assessment.


  1. Stana,

    I loved the way you expressed this "I never felt that I was a female trapped in a male body. Instead, I was "me" trapped in the expectations of what being a "male" was all about."

    Great insight. I'm sure you gave the class something to think about.

  2. Stana,
    I've always thought that yours is an internal feeling of being a woman...and clothes are normal for your feminine being.Isn't it?
    Maria Victoria

  3. Stana,
    You and I are about the same age and were in school during the same era. I recall that so many of my friends back then talked about 'wanting to go and find themselves'. Do you remember engaging in discussions along those lines?

    I think some folks wanted to find themselves before they grew up. I, like most, went to work, got married, raised a family, led a full and busy life but never had the down time to 'contemplate my navel' and go 'find myself'. I always knew there was a gender varient component to who I was but life's responsibilities filled most waking hours.

    As I aged I think that I have found who I am and I have reconcilled my gender issues and come to the conclusion that "I am what I am" (with my apologies to Popeye the Sailor) and I am happy and at peace with that.
    I am the same person whether dressed en femme or en homme. I am very happy and almost always smiling when en femme but since I spend most of my time dressed as a male I find that I am pretty happy that way as well. Regardless of how I am dressed or to what extent I am dressed I am basically the same "me".
    I can live with that and from following your blog I surmise that you can too. My wish is that all folks with gender issues can find peace with who they are and find happiness regardless of their wardrobe of the moment.


  4. Marie Victoria --- My "theories" on "me" change from day-to-day, but if "me" is anything, me is a woman.