Monday, December 6, 2010

Boys' Dreams

What boy tottering on the edge of the gender chasm could resist this outfit advertised in Macy's Sunday newspaper advertisement?

I know if I saw such an outfit when I was a teenager, I would be ready to get on board the Good Ship Lollipop and sail away to Ladyland.

I didn't do it because I was afraid what other people might think.

I was the first child of my generation and my family had high expectations for me. Back then, I believed that I would be a big disappointment if I ran away to The City, fulfilled my dream, lived full-time as a woman, and became a female impersonator? So I hung back, followed a traditional career path and made everyone proud of me except me.

It took a long time to realize that what other people think about me is not important. My dreams were important and now I so regret not following mine.


  1. That is very cute . . . and slightly 80s (which, since that's the look I grew up admiring, isn't such a bad thing). :)

  2. Sheila from TampaDecember 06, 2010

    Dear Stana,

    Yes, the outfit is very cute and girlish. But I was moved by your words. I'm sorry that you had to endure so many years of not being able to express your true feminine self. From your writings, I know that you still only have limited time to present yourself as the woman you are. Hopefully, your loving attention to this lovely blog compensates somewhat for not being en femme 24/7. Know that you are beautifully touching many of your sister femulators. Treasure every moment that you are dressed and made-up as a woman. Thank You. You ARE a beautiful woman.



  3. Dear Stana,
    Today is our day! Live it! Be yourself and first of all think tha you did what you thought was the the same today and remember you are the most important people
    Maria Victoria

  4. I stopped worrying about what other people would think when I realized that they weren't thinking. A lot of them, anyway.

    Two phrases in today's post jumped out at me: "tottering on the brink" and "made everyone proud of me except me."

    Those of us who don't fit into the proscribed roles for gender and sexuality are always tottering on the brink. I can't begin to tell you how many times I was ready to "cross over." I still recall the time I went to an exhibit at FIT with a woman (who was about a dozen years older than me) I was dating. I pointed to one outfit and said, "That's so interesting. I'd love to be able to design something like that."

    "You want to wear it," she said.

    Mind you, I had never "cross-dressed" in front of her, and when we were together, I played the role of a straight male to the hilt. I even had a beard in those days.

    As for making everyone but you proud of you: I can relate to that side of your story very well. I, too, am the first child in my family, and the expectations--in everything from career to making a family--were high. I think that because my parents were the first generation born here and no one in my family had finished high school before me, I bore a lot of other people's hopes and dreams. I'm sure you did, too, Stana.

  5. Great and moving post because it catches in a few words my own (and certainly many other's) feelings .

    It is this being torn between on the one side wanting to be the girl on the photo, or actually wanting to be some girl who is able to wear some of the more beautiful items that display her (i.e. our) femininity and being accepted and acknowledged for it, and on the other side not being allowed or able to do so or rejecting oneself for just the wish.

  6. Back in our day we all worry that we would make the right choice to please our family and not please ourselves.
    If I could do it over I would please myself first.

  7. Growing up knowing we're the only boy in the world who wants to wear girl's clothes is inhibiting.

    The times we lived in may have kept us from following our dreams.

    You're helping many many boys learn it's OK to live theirs.

    You are the giant whose shoulders this generation is standing on.

    Sacrifice in the service of others is no small thing.

  8. Stana
    I was thinking of you on Saturday when attended a wedding. I thought back to your frequent mentions of tall women, the fact that many of the models in "Femulate Her" seem tall and, of course, your side bar "famous femals of height.

    Why was I so inspired? The bride along with her sister/maid of honor, are both 5'10". In school (HS and college) they both played volleyball. The wedding guests were liberally populated with their vollyball playing friends. Between 8 and 10 of these young ladies were taller than 6'.

    During the church service and at the reception I was able to slyly make note of the styles of dresses that they wore and their willingness to proudly proclaim their comfort with their height by wearing heels. If I were blogging I may title this post as "Non-famous females of height".

    In addition to the young ladies who were friends of the bride she had invited two of her former coaches. Both were over 6' tall and both wore heels.

    It was nice being in this group and I mused that you or I or many of your taller readers would have fit in perfectly.

    Alas, however, we plod on en homme since whether we like it or not we continue to have concerns as to what other people will think of us.


  9. I can feel for you. I am a first born also. I have always had a female side that I could not reveal. Thanks to your blog I know I am not the only one, I have many sisters.

    Keep up the good work for the sisterhood.

  10. I was admiring that outfit myself Sunday.